Text Test

Loki: We had a request to speak about texting etiquette...and because we are only here to please the audience, we shall talk about it. I do not use any type of "etiquette" while texting. I have predictive text on my phone so I do not even really use abbreviated words. Does anyone else think it is odd that the word for making words smaller is so large? Abbreviated..... Anyway, I get a little annoyed trying to read over abbreviated sentences. I am sure it takes me longer to decipher what is trying to be said than it would to just type the silly word out. I guess if you do not have predictive text than it is easier to shorten words...I don't know. I would like to say that every time I try to text the name "Megan," my phone predicts that I am trying to say "megabytes." Sometimes I just leave it even though it doesn't make sense and then try to let my mother figure out who I am talking about. I guess megabytes is more popular in the general population than in my vocabulary.

Stella: Well you know me. I text in complete sentences and use punctuation. I use predictive text too... Who doesn't? I like to see what other words predictive text comes up with. Like how it will come up with both "wood" and/or "zone." Or another example is "able," "cake," "bald," "calf," "bake," "bale," and "cale." What's texting etiquette? I don't know. I always feel like I have to be the last one to text back to finish up the convo. If I don't respond, I feel like I am ignoring whatever the person said last. But on the flip side, if you keep replying then sometimes they will just keep replying too and it will go on forever. Me & Betty Lou have a good system down. Our text convos remain open and overflow day by day. She's a lot busier than me so sometimes she's on a 24 hour turnaround time on responding, which is okay with me. It's not like I text her with life or death information. And eventually she'll get back to me... 20 text messages at a time.

Loki: I also have noticed that the younger generation never put down the phone. "The younger generation"...ha... what an old hag I am. Anyway, my brother in particular wakes up and the phone is immediately in his hand and he is texting away. I have no idea who he is texting all the time....and every time I ask, he acts like he never heard me. (I think he developed this trait from my father). I do not think he even knows how to have a conversation on the phone...because apparently, why do you need to speak to anyone when you can just text it? My sister-in-law was telling me that her nephew stayed the night with her and he needed to move the couch that he was sleeping on because he needed to plug his phone in while he slept. Ummm... why do you need to be by your phone while you sleep? She said he would wake up every time he got a text and would respond and go back to sleep. Ridiculous! I don't even want to get into the "sexting" that kids are doing nowdays. I don't think they realize what they are actually doing or how easy it is for someone to forward something you sent. Nothing is private...especially involving young boys.

Stella: Yes, we are old because we can remember a time BEFORE cell phones. Even when I was a senior in highschool, not everyone had one and hardly anyone text. This was in 2002 people! In our family, we all shared the phone. Fast forward 9 years and people annoy me with phones too! Especially when I worked in retail and people would check out and be on the phone the entire time. It is just rude. I make it a point to never be on the phone when checking out or when an actual person is present. I can't do it anyway because being on the phone is distracting enough. Or another example of rude phone behavior is when you are out to eat with a person and they are constantly checking their phone or texting someone back. That drives me crazy too. Sometimes I will make Bess put her phone away when we are in the car together. "I am a real, live person with feelings," I will say to make her feel bad for ignoring me and talking to someone else. The Man Child is notorious for having his phone in hand at every moment. I keep mine in my room mostly... Chunk it in the purse if I leave the house... and stick it under my pillow at night to use as my alarm. But what do I know? I am not popular. I'm not a big phone person anyway. My crummy little phone is 4 years old. It's a classic. An antique if you will. Haha. I can't believe you brought up "sexting." hahaha. I have no words of wisdom on that one. I doubt I am friends with anyone who would take raunchy photos of themselves. Wait. That's probably not true. Ewww.


Loki: I used to talk to Bess on the phone all the time while I was grocery shopping....and everytime she would tell me how she didn't understand how I could grocery shop and talk at the same time. Well, it isn't brain surgery and I had a list to follow. Sometimes she would have to listen to my chatter about which brand I should get but a lot of time she would come in handy to help me locate a certain item. I never know where any of the baking goods are or things like marshmellow creme. She would always make me hang up the phone while I checked out because you told her it was rude to talk on the phone while in front of others. . However, I did not want to conversate with the sales person and would rather continue with my all important conversation than put my phone down. I will hang up at the grocery store but if I was just running into the gas station or something I would not hang up. I use the past tense because I never can just run in the gas station...that would require getting Blue out of a car seat and that just seems too much of a hassle for an impromptu soda.  Now I never talk on the phone because A. my life is boring and I have nothing to talk about and B. I have a child to talk to now.

What other texting rules are out there we should follow?

Boo...You Whore

Loki: Halloween is fast approaching. Stella and I have already made fabulous little outfits for our munchkins. I cannot wait to show them off! Also, we are encouraged to dress up the Friday before Halloween at work, but I find it rather silly when I see older people dressed up. Especially when they have on the store bought “sexy” outfits.. Umm... how is a referee sexy?! Whatever… To quote a famous movie that people like Choc Chip & the Cougar have probably never seen.. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Anyway Sparky always wants us to dress up and be festive, but I usually am the only one to do so. No, I do not dress like a sloot… I usually just wear pajama pants, a t-shirt, and baseball hat and go as a “college student." I will do anything to wear pajama pants to work! It is the best. Anyway, one year I went as a spider and died my hair purple. I don’t know what purple hair has to do with a spider, but I looked scary (I wore black sweatpants with it too! I am all about comfort). So last year when I was prego, I found a super cute skeleton baby t-shirt that I wore to work. I also sprayed my hair purple for the fun of it…

Stella: First, I would like to comment on how fabulous the girls' costumes are. I can't wait for them to wear them. $25 for 2 very unique little outfits. I'm so proud of our craftiness. With that said, I am not sure why our office would want to do anything fun like dress up for Halloween. It goes against their very nature. We are the least friendly/fun place you could possibly go/work at. Besides that, no one comes in our office. But anyhow, the first year when Loki was a "spider" she was seriously frightening. I am surprised that she didn't give an old man a heart attack (if anyone happened to wander in and see such a sight.) On a side note, that same year P.R. did dress up like a sexy referree. It was totally inappropriate. Especially because she already flirts with all of the old men who do come in our office. Oh, and Loki did scare my little Bella and I'm pretty sure Bella even cried. So yes, getting on with the story, the year after the spider costume Loki was pregnant. But this didn't stop her from wanting to participate in getting to dress up for the day. So she wore the shirt pictured here. Pretty adorable, right? But then Loki had to go and dye her hair to be even more festive. I don't even remember what color she did. All I know is that she was big & prego and sat at her desk for at least an hour saying "I'm so dizzy.... I'm so dizzy...." She got on the computer & started looking up all these reasons for why she might be so dizzy. Gee, do you think it could be due to the fact that you've been breathing in fumes for the past 3 hours? She finally came to the conclusion that the dye must be the reason she was feeling so sick. And I'm talking SICK! I had to go to Walgreens to go buy some shampoo for her because she couldn't even move. When I got back with the bottle, she stumbled into the bathroom to wash her hair in the sink. There she was... with her huge belly trying to bend over and stick her head in the short sink below. I'm pretty sure there were tears at this point, but she finally did get her hair washed & get the dye out. I'll never forget the sight as I was sitting at my desk and saw her emerge from the bathroom with a bunch of paper towels stuck to her head (in her attempt to dry her hair.) I think I was even mean enough to go take a picture of her like this with my cell phone. I'm sure she yelled at me, but it was worth it. I should have taken more though since the next thing she did was go to the kitchen to find a fork... to try to use to brush out her hair. A very typical "Lucy" moment.

Loki: I will laugh about this now…But at the time, I was not laughing. I felt so bad. What a genius I am spray painting fumes on top of my pregnant head. Because of that incident, I had to leave the house when Big T painted the baby room… And then I had to spend the night with Nana when they set off some bug bombs at my house to AVOID the fumes. I have no idea what I was thinking when I sprayed my head. I would like to also mention that the water in the sink was ICE COLD. We can’t get warm water in there… (I always wash my hands really fast)…And I have a lot of hair. I did feel almost instantly better and I am quite lucky to have Stella there at work to go fetch me some shampoo…Even if she did laugh at me. And the fork worked! What else was I supposed to do? I always wanted to be Ariel… I guess that is as close as I am going to get!

Stella: Hah! I also forgot to mention that the year Loki was a spider she also got pulled over on the way home, and I'm pretty sure the only reason that she got out of the ticket was because the officer was terrified of her. I am not much of a dresser-upper myself. I don't get why girls feel the need to dress up like sluts and go prance around town when they are 20 years old. But I am an old hag so I just can't relate. I think when I was three my mom dressed me up as a "punk rocker," but it was more like a prostitute. "You smell like a baby prostitute..." (Sorry, another Mean Girls quote. No one else in our family will be able to keep up with us if we say too many quotes.) One year when I was little I was also a bride. (I saw a picture of Curls wearing my hand-me-down bride outfit this weekend too and laughed.) I can't think of any other costumes I wore though...

Loki: I liked the punk rocker outfit! I don’t think you looked like a prostitute though…!!! I don’t know where that came from. Please illicit some pictures. I remember being Raggedy Anne, a princess, a cat, and I am not sure what else. I do remember Batman always being a bum. I like the homemade kind of costumes though…No need to spend $50 on a baby outfit. I hope I can keep up the creativity and make super cute outfits for Baby Blue. I don’t think your age has anything to do with your lack of desire to dress like a slut… it’s because you are not one. Do you like how much we are using such “vulgar” language! Haha. We weren’t allowed to say shut-up or butt without getting some soap in our mouth. Please tell me what I can be this year…. It’s a chance to not have to dress up for work!! I think I might be bringing back the college student ensemble so that I can wear my sweat pants. YESSS! I did get out of a ticket the spider year… which I think is the only time I have ever gotten out of one! “Why are you dressed so scary?!" (Sorry, that's the last Mean Girls quote for the post.)

What was your favorite Halloween costume?

BARNDO

Loki: Gak! I was just asked by Plugs if I had any plans on Saturday for the following month. This means he is trying to plan a “get together” for the staff on a Saturday. Let me just clarify that I do not need to spend any additional time with these people. …especially on the weekend. He said he “wanted to do something for the staff.” Umm.. how about give us a day off?!! If he were sending us to a spa or giving us tickets to something cool that would be one thing. But he will just try to get us to all go out to the Barndo to sit around & play horseshoes. The Barndo is his beloved barn/condo that is out in the middle of nowhere. Why do I want to waste an entire Saturday driving 40 minutes to some remote location and then be stranded there forced to hang out with these sour puss people? My husband can never go with me because he works on Saturdays…not that him coming along it would make that any better.

Stella: Gak? Do you remember playing with that stuff? They have this new stuff out called Moon Dough that I want to try. It supposedly never dries out. That's the plug for it anyway. I never like the way real PlayDough makes your hands feel. It’s the nastiest feeling in the world. Anyhow, I do not want to go to a company get-together either. No one even talks to us when we are at work (since we aren’t allowed to be noisy) so why would they want to chat with us on our day off? I had just worked here for less than 2 months the last time there was an outing to the dumb Barndo-ro-ro. And I was FORCED to go against my will with Loki. It was the most horrendous time ever. I played some lame bean bag game with Sparky. I hope you told him that you were a very popular person with events scheduled for the next 2 months already. Or maybe we should be enthusiastic and brush up on our horseshoe skills.

Loki: He caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say. He said he had already gotten the dates from the other people-- you know Poodle, PR, and Sparky. We should get together with Cha cha and between the 3 of us be busy each weekend until December or something. That way it will be too cold to do anything outside, and he will have to wait until the summer to plan another Barndo trip. I did make you go to the last gathering because I wanted to play with Bella. It was great fun... Although I think I was spinning Bella in a circle and got so dizzy that we both fell down. Oops. Please don't drop my child on her head for revenge.(She does have me for a mother already...and I will not disclose that she may or may not have already been dropped on her head) If this ridiculous "trip" does happen, all we will do is sit around and watch the children. How relaxing will it be to chase Bella and Baby Blue around. Blue will try to eat everything off the ground, and I am pretty sure the place isn't baby proof. Although there would be 2 other babies there this time around..but I don't think babies that young actually play together. Poor Bella will have to play with the adults...again.

Stella: I don't even like to go to family reunions. I won't get revenge by dropping your daughter, but I will probably buy her obnoxious toys like Silly Puddy when she is 1 year old or a drum set when she's 2.

Loki: I would like to formally apologize for the gifts I gave baby Bella. I was not a mother and I did not understand that she couldn't play with Silly Puddy at 1 year old or that she didnt wear a size 2T at 9 months.. (It looked like it would have fit!) I did, however, know that you would hate the 150 piece set of fake food I got her, but I knew she woud love it too. Maybe we should gather up the 150 pieces and bring to the Barndo for the kids to play with and then "accidently" leave it there for Sparky and Plugs to pick up. I bet we would not be invited back if so! Our fellow employees do want to talk to us-just not until 5:00 when we are trying to head out the door. I try to leave and say "Goodbye!" as fast as possible, otherwise they turn their chairs around and ask some open-ended questions to get us talking. Umm.. I've been starring at my feet for the past 30 minutes waiting for 5:00 to come- You could have talked to me then!

Stella: I keep trying to explain to people how we just CAN'T talk at work, and no matter how you describe it they just don't understand. Today we are being ostracized because ChaCha called into work- which meant that no one was here at 8:00 on the dot. Let's all freak out. And since Loki & I dropped off Bella before we came in, we were later than usual. So we get the silent treatment. Which is hard to explain when we already get the silent treatment. It's like we can't even ask a question if we had one to ask... & Poodle slams things down even harder...
Loki: Even Sparky slammed the door to his office...Right after he came in at 10:00 and took his weekly shower downstairs. I would also like to mention how un-professional he was in the text he sent me this morning which started with WTF?.. Grrr!

Yawn... Poor baby.

What's worse? Family reunions or company get-togethers?

The Pedafamilias

Loki: Our father, Evs, is notorious for ignoring you when you ask him a question. Even if you ask him something directly, he will not answer you if he so chooses. This drives me INSANE. When Stella and I were growing up, we would have to sing and dance just so that our father would notice us and hopefully, give us an answer to whatever we were asking. (Usually it was just to ask if our cousin could stay the night…) But he would just look at us and not say a thing. “Well… yes or no?” …NOTHING. We would then resort to coming up with some jig about “Please say yes… say yes, yes, yes….” to perform for him in the hopes of him blessing our great idea with an answer. We would put on costumes and even choreograph dances to go along with it. I remember our mom always saying, “Just don’t bother him…” And then she would get on to him saying, “EVS! Just answer them!” I just wanted a yes or no so I could get on with my life! He seemed to enjoy torturing us. I don’t understand what we were being taught… patience? No, I am not going to attach a lesson to that… it was just annoying.

Stella: Yes, I am thinking that is was just a torture mechanism as well. He just wanted to see us sweat. It’s like holding up a treat in front of a dog and making them wait for it… and beg for it… and then not ever giving it to them. Haha! Stupid dog. Yes, I remember doing a whole performance on the swing set one time. I’m sure we had some great routines on the trampolines as well… Too bad my mother never told me that I wasn’t really good at doing cartwheels until I was 25. She lied to me for 25 years! And here I am thinking the whole time that I could do excellent round-offs and cartwheels just like the other girls. One time when I was older, (after my childhood memories were shattered to pieces and it was revealed to me that I was never a good gymnast,) I stood in front of Evs and asked a question… and then stepped over to the side as if he was the Soup Nazi while waiting for his answer. “Medium crab bisque…”

Loki: Hahahah! I thought you knew you couldn’t do a cartwheel!! Did you not understand why you never received a perfect 10 during our gymnastic routine competitions? Or how you could never land straight on the balance beam?! Don’t blame Mom… Of course she told you you were wonderful! She is your mom! She has to. It’s sorta like grandpa always telling us how we should all sing in an “all-cousin choir” when I’m pretty sure none of us could sing. Surely at least dad told you about your bad cartwheel form? No? I guess he didn’t care so much about our dancing jigs or our balance beam/floor routines. But I’m sure he corrected your swing.

Stella: What are you talking about? Grandpa is brutally honest. One time he told me it looked like I got in a fight with a cat (when I had a few zits on my forehead during my pre-pubescent years.) Mom is the one who is the big fat biased liar. Don’t trust her opinion ever. And I don’t remember being invited into this cousins choir, but surely I would have been considering that I have the best voice out of the family by far. Aw, did that hurt your feelings? Guess you’ve never had to listen to yourself sing En Vogue at the top of your lungs in your bedroom like I did growing up. And don’t start telling me about what a grand athlete you were. Grandpa also says that I could have been better than you guys at every sport if I was so inclined. It was just that I didn’t want to do it so by sitting out, I made you look good.

Loki: Oh hush. You have some serious competition issues with me. Why must one be better? I never said that I was a good singer or that you weren’t. Just because you sing louder than everyone doesn't mean it's better. Of course I was more athletic than you…duh. I wasn’t going to say anything about that! Although I did hear Grandpa just this weekend talk about how you quit sports too early… He blames mom don’t you know because she didn’t “push” you hard enough. Whatever. It just wasn’t your thing. No big thing. Yes, mom is definitely biased! What are we talking about now… mom, dad, grandpa or your singing abilities?

How many fingers am I holding up?