Woodland Creatures

Loki: Hi, Loki here. I was just pinteresting and thinking that I could probably be doing something more productive with my time, so here I am. OH Stella where have you been? Since my new work schedule I have hardly had time to look my dear sister in the face. She is busy, I am busy and I have yet to catch up with her. So how are things?
I don't have anything particular to talk about other than ramble on about my new gym or perhaps the kind of kool-aid I have been drinking while working at this Chiropractic office. I can tell you that this is the first time I have actually been alone at the front desk. It is a Friday so the doctors have left for the day and the other 2 girls are in massages. The other 2 therapists are out of the office today because one of them is getting "sexy" pictures taken of herself....and apparently needs her friend there for encouragement. We have been having a good time making fun of her because I think this is ridiculous. She is spending like $600 for these photos that she won't be able to frame and I just don't get what the point is of having 50 different poses of yourself looking "sexy". She (did I name her yet?) even received an instructional video on how to smile seductively and how to position her head while looking back at the camera without wrinkling her forehead. I know girls do this as wedding presents for their husbands and I guess I still thought it was silly but less odd. We (meaning the ENTIRE office) has had to listen to her chatter nonstop about which outfits she is going to wear, which poses she is going to do, how she can't wait and you just know she is going to show them off. Bleh.

Loki: Well how odd.... It was Christmas time when I wrote that and now it is Summer time! We sure have taken a break from the blog. I thought I would get on here and see if we can drum up some more blogs. You know, to entertain our mother.

Loki: Looky looky...it is now almost christmas time again. Maybe I can get Stella to comment on this one again as I find it quite humorous. I would like to add that this girl that took the sexy photos is no longer with the man she gave an album full  of almost naked pictures. What a shame. Please do tell me what you would like for Christmas... although I find it almost painful thinking about Christmas shopping....already, again.

Stella: I don't understand why you named this blog "Woodland Creatures." What does that even mean? I feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to add to this. Talk about sexy pictures?? Okay. Did you know that women did this even in the 90's ? This is not a new thing. Why yes, even ole Nana Bess got some Glamor Shots made of herself to give to her husband. She wore a sexy little white wife beater and big ole red earrings and red lipstick. Va va voom. She also sported a snazzy black leather jacket with a matching cap. Ha! The thought alone makes me laugh. In one shot, she's holding the jacket open and showing off her bare chest. I think so anyway. I'm trying to block that part out in my mental image/memory. All I know is that Dad still has one of them up by his bed. I bet Cougar & Choc Chip had some made too. In fact, they probably all went together and lugged us bratty kids with them. "You rug rats just sit and play over there while we model. We've been stuck in the house all day with you and we never get to even put on make-up! The only thing we do for fun is clean Bess's house. Loki, where are your shoes? Why are you wearing your Grandmother's shoes? Stella, quit whining. Bearded Man, quit telling whoppers." (LET ME CLARIFY: This is NOT a picture of Nana Bess. But I'm pretty sure this lady, Bertha, is wearing the exact same outfit.)

Loki: Yes when you put it that way I guess "sexy pictures" arent as wonky as I thought. Except mom took them for her HUSBAND...NOT boyfriend! That's a big difference. Also I think they are a bit more revealing now days. But who knows I have tried to block out mom's sexy pictures as well from my memory.  Woodland creatures is something that Kung Fu Achi and Meals on Wheels used to discuss all the time. They were obsessed with the little squirrel or chimpmunk figurings they call woodland creature. I was just pulling a name out of thin air and that day (a year ago) that is what I came up with. You know I know it has been awhile but part of our schtick was that we named the posts a little crazy...usually something that had nothing to do with actual material. Speaking of woodland creatues, Meals on Wheels loves that stuff. I swear when she picks things out of magazines that she thinks look cute, I look at her like she has two heads. She has an 80 year olds sense of style when it comes to such things. It is rather entertaining to me. Kung Fu Achi usually agrees with her but she is able to make it look modern. That girl has a gift of design. "Hey, if you're chiropractic career falls through, you could always be a interior designer", people have actually said to her. Which is really the most bizarre thing you could say to a doctor. Hmmm there you go. I just gave you 3 different topics in one person. You may now comment on whichever you choose.

Stella: Maybe you should clarify for the readers who Meals on Wheels is. Guess I will. This is the girl that works with Loki that I nick named not too long ago when she was being a goody-goody-happy-helper wanting to feed everybody when Kung Fu Achi was in the hospital. It was annoying. It was not meant as a term of endearment. But I really only said it to Loki until she started calling her that too. It was a game of mine. How many times can I refer to her as 'Meals on Wheels' before Loki starts calling her that too? Well, it worked. Just took about 7 times and guess what?! It stuck. She's also the same girl that watched "Magic Mike" with us and buried her head in the pillow when Channing Tatum danced. Um, aren't you married? He wasn't naked. It was probably just as provocative as he danced in "Step Up."  Come on, now. She's weird. She's got weird ideas. I don't like people with ideas. I'm an old grouch. Anyhow, back to the subject on hand, which I guess is now how Loki's friends like owls? I like birds. But not owls. They're creepy, nocturnal, creatures that  scoop down and pick up mice to eat, and why in the world is that now a cute and cuddly creature? Believe me, I see stupid owls on everything where I work. And mustaches. Oh for the love of Pete, I wish the mustache crazy goes away soon. We just got in some edible mustaches yesterday. Grape flavored. Doesn't that sound appetizing? Gag. Not to mention Mustache lip balm, necklaces, tshirts..Ugh. Go away. Okay, back to the REAL subject (not Loki's a.d.d. topic) I'd never take pictures like that. Sick. I bet Saucy would though... if she hasn't already. Bahahha. Sorry to throw you under the bus there, honey, but we all know you love to give the camera that sultry, seductive smile of yours.

Loki: Umm didnt you buy your daughter a mustache necklace? Yak. I hate them. I think they were cute for like 40 seconds and then I was completely over them. I do think that because I have a girl, I have no idea what makes for cute boy ideas. Who in the world wants to eat a mustache? Grape flavored or not?! I actually really despise the name Meals on Wheels. I just havent thought of a better name for her. She is my friend so stop it... and she was just being helpful and nice. AND I think I actually brought them more food than she did and somehow you only had annoyance for her. I also know for a fact you called her that to make me mad. You tried to say it 500 times and was going to keep it up until I acknowledged that you were being rude. Which I did. I meant to change her name here because I know her feelings would be hurt if she knew you called her that. She likes you STELLA. No one said anything about OWLS. I said squirrels and birds. Birds. Birds. Birds. I think real owls are creepy. Their heads can move in circles (maybe thats just cartoons) and they HOOOO at you (maybe thats cartoons too). I do however like printed owls. Those are cute. ---- and I bet you would take photos like that. After you ran a marathon....and for a wedding present.

Stella: "She's my friend, so stop it!" Hello, I'm your sister. You better defend me. You brat. I'm gonna nick name you "FEED THE CHILDREN." And now you two can start a food bank together & save the world. Good luck. I wish you the best. Be sure to include an owl in your logo.

 

 

Who else knows the words to "Moon River?"