Recipe Friday's

                                 GINGER COOKIES

Stella: Sugar & Spice and everything nice is exactly what makes up these chewy little snacks. Plus, there are only 3 grams of fat per cookie (only 61 calories!) These were a big hit at our house. Even after The Computer Man told me he did not like Gingersnap cookies, he ate 4 of them! But beware, this made a TON of cookies and I would recommend cutting the recipe in half if there are only 2 of you in your house. And now maybe Loki can finally get her cookie badge and impress Big T by just following my simple directions!

Okay here we go. Preheat over to 350 degrees. First you will need:  1 and 1/2 cups Crisco.... That's actually a ton of shortening, which why I would half that if you don't want 120 cookies.

                           Now in a large mixing bowl beat shortening for 30 seconds like so.

Add 2 cups of sugar. Wee!!!! In it goes!

Be sure to scrape the sides of the bowl occasionally as I am demonstrating here in this lovely photo.

Beat in 2 eggs and 1/2 cup molasses, which for some reason we already had in our cupboard to use.

Watch here as I show you how to pour into a bowl... Marvelous work Stella.

Starting to mix it all up

The end result will look like this.

Now in a separate bowl you will add 4 tsp ginger, 2 tsp baking soda, 1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon, 1 tsp cloves. Make sure you have all of this on hand before you bake the cookies, as I had to run up to my Grandma's twice to borrow things we were out of.

You will mix all the spices up with 4 1/2 cups flour. Yowza. That's a lot. But check out my hand stirring up the spices into the flour. Do you think I could be a hand model... like George?

Add the flour into the mix. It will be a pretty crumby texture.

Now shape the dough into 1-inch balls. Roll balls in a bowl of sugar (sorry, not pictured here. Try to figure it out yourselves though.) Hint: It should look like this!

Place the balls onto a cookie sheet lined with foil, spaced evenly apart.

Whoops, thought you might like to see an extra picture of the balls.

It's the big moment you've been waiting for. Time to put them in the oven for 8-9 minutes. I did a full 9 minutes, although you want to make sure NOT to overbake.

The tops should be puffed and the bottoms should be light brown.

Place on a wire rack to cool. And note that the insides will appear gooey like they are not done yet. But once you let them set, they will harden up and be perfectly chewy. I was afraid I didn't bake long enough, but didn't want to overbake. Once they had cooled on the wire rack, they were perfect.

And here is our finished product. You guys have worked so hard. You deserve to eat a few.

And as you can see here, I was not lying about the nutritional value.

Thanks for joining me! Be sure to let me know what other recipes you would like to read about!

Confessions of a Baby Drama Queen

Loki: You will be happy to know that I think Baby Blue did in fact inherit my "dramatic" gene. She busts out crying and throwing a little fit when she does not get her way. I can only imagine this becoming worse and more hysterical. I'm sure my mother can tell you all about my over reactions. Stella will bring up my labor story. Whatever. It's how I was made. I find it a bit humorous at the moment but I am sure it will become worse. Blue has been driving her little "car" around and has decided to place her baby dolls on there to push them around. She either remembers watching Bella do this same thing when she was over playing or she came up with it on her own. She did not only want the baby doll on the seat, but the doll must be standing up. You can imagine that the doll is not going to stay standing up as she pushes it. So the doll would fall off and then Blue would start crying hysterically. We would try to hold the doll in place but that wasn't good enough either. Oh, the tribulations in a 10 months old life.

Stella: Oh, how wonderful.  Has she been watching Toddlers & Tiaras too? I like watching Blue throw her fake fits. Especially when her mommy picks her up in the middle of her playing to change her diaper. She acts like she is being beaten and tortured. I don't know why it brings me great pleasure.... My little dear never throws fake fits. She only throws huge, full blown, over-the-top, ridiculously spastic, insane acting fits, and for very trivial reasons such as mommy actually picking out her outfit for the day or Nana Bess refusing to push her around in a laundry basket. This was the fit from last night as Bella has found a new way of torturing our dog. She has built a "train" made up of 5 laundry baskets all tied together with ribbon and forces our dog to sit in one of the "cars" to ride around in. The dog can't possibly get out as she is also on a leash that has been secured to the basket. After Bess told Bella that she would not push her around the house, Bella immediately started bawling. She ran and hid behind the couch and cried out over and over, "Why are you so mean?!" in between the tears.

Loki: Poor Bella.. I will bring over her buddy Blue over and they can play together. It will only get better from here. Blue will be her little minion. haha. I am interested to see how laid back Blue actually is. If she will do her own thing or follow Bella around and do whatever she tells her to do. It will be quite interesting. Back to the fits... These too will just get worse as she gets older...I've already stated that. I see these little brats on Toddlers and Tiaras and it makes me want to puke. Right now I just laugh at the child because it's funny. These fits do not mean she gets her way. We are teaching this now so that I don't have a 4 year old cry and beg and throw fits just to have her toe nails painted with a flower. (This was from that show last night too.) But no matter what I do, I will not be able to control her. But that's what makes life interesting, eh? I also would like to add in here that I love seeing the looks and hearing what non-parents say about children throwing fits over silly things. They have no idea.

Stella: Bella has never thrown a fit in the store. She's quite a good little shopper. But maybe that's only because I'm usuallly always buying her at least one thing! Hahah. Not really..... There have been many times that I tell her no and make her walk away from whatever precious item she is desiring and she leaves the story empty handed. My biggest fear would be to have her do what Curls did to her mother one day at the store. I have heard this story many times, but it may need to be corrected if my version is not right. Supposedly while shopping at the store one day, Curls was throwing a fit about a candy bar and when Choc Chip tried to calm her down, sweet little Curls bent over to the floor shielding her face with her hands and cried, "I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy" over and over as if her mother was about to beat her. hahaha. Oh, the horror! P.S. I bet Blue will do whatever Bella wants her to do! She will look up to her just as our young cousins looked up to us... until we were "teenagers" and "boring" and then they no longer adored us.

What's the worst thing you have ever seen a kid do in public?

Tales of the Missing Socks

 Stella: Do you know how sometimes socks just seem to disappear? Over time you will end up with half a dozen unmatched socks and wonder what ever happened to their mate. You'll give up trying to ever find them and just go out and purchase a new package of socks. Fresh, white, clean and all matching. Some people will say that the washing machine is to blame for the missing socks. Or maybe it's the dryer's fault. But in our house it is something much, much worse....

I discovered this mysterious sock eater myself. It was an ordinary day, not unlike the one before it. But I had come to notice that after a few weeks of working out regularly, I was rotating only 5 pairs of gym socks. What had happened to all of my gym socks??? My cute, white footies with the pink trim, that indicated they belonged to me and should not be confused with Bess's blue trimmed socks, were disappearing one by one. I realize that not everyone notices when their socks mysteriously disappear, but since I was in dire need of clean socks to wear during my sweat dripping workouts, it was obvious to me that something was happening. Something that had probably been going on long before I ever took note of it....

You see, when I do my laundry and there is a sock without a match I will lay it above my sock drawer and wait for it's sole mate to return. I had only 4 socks waiting that day, but it had been quite some time without making any matches and I was worried that all of my wash had cycled already. It is quite a joyous victory when you are able to find the missing mate, and perhaps I do get a little carried away in making sure that no one is left behind. And then suddenly, I had an idea. Perhaps my mother's laundry had become intertwined with mine and she had unknowingly collected a few of my socks and was thinking the exact same thing as me! She was probably saving them atop her dresser as well, just waiting for the mate to return. It was a light bulb going off inside my head as I grabbed my 4 lonely, single socks and headed for my mother's dresser.

It was there that things took a turn for the worse. What had started as only 4 lonely, single socks had now multiplied immensely. My mind was baffled as I began to pull sock after sock after sock out of her drawer. There were no matched socks nicely stuffed into balls, which would mean that there were 2 socks stuck together to be worn as a pair. Instead there lay 70 unmatched socks all shoved into one drawer. All along I had blamed the washing machine, the dryer, The Man Child's horrible laundry baskets piled up with a month's worth of washing, but it was Bess The Sock Hoarder the whole time.

Baffled at this discovery I started digging for more. Each drawer had more and more unmatched socks. It was evident that the Sock Hoarder had been at this for some time. There were unmatched socks of every kind, but I mostly just noticed the white footsies with the pink trim. My anxiety began to rise as I peeked inside The Computer Man's drawer. He is notorious for never wearing socks that match, (as well as TMC and Loki.) He has also been known to wear socks with holes in the toes as he thinks it is funny to wiggle the toes at you through the peep hole. So strange... But not as strange as the overwhelming amount of unmatched socks hidden deep within my mother's bureau.

It was lunchtime now, but I was too shocked to eat. I could not leave this insanity the way it was. So I began to pair up the socks. It took quite some time to properly select the correct mate for each one, but it had to be done.

I left her room feeling triumphant. I now had 15 pairs of my socks back in my hands. And I left Bess with even more in her drawer. At the end of it, there were only 6 socks that did not appear to have an immediate matches, (although I will wait to see if I can find them through the next wash cycle. I like to hang on to that small hope that they are still out there somewhere...)

But it was a only small victory for the day.. The Sock Hoarder is still amongst us. She is bound to strike again at any moment... Every time she goes near the laundry I will be frightful that she will just be secretly collecting unmatched socks all over again. I am not sure what measures to take now to protect the innocent footwear who get thrown into this mess, but I will have to confront Bess about this. I will have to put my foot down.

If you've ever loved somebody, put your hands up!

Something! Anything?

Loki: I think I need to get a job just so that I have something else to talk about other than my baby. I think I have become one of those annoying people who only can talk about their children. I also have a way to redirect the conversation back to something Blue did that was so cute. Seriously, I hear it coming out of my mouth, and I cannot stop it. I need to get a hobby. Even my conversations with my husband is lacking. I mean, I have to resort to asking about his new "big idea" and actually seem interested. Otherwise, we will have to go back to smiling like two fools at the world's cutest baby. I am sure she will not always be so cute and adorable but right now I just watch. See what I mean? I can't stop. I am writing this post about NOT talking about my baby anymore... about how boring I have actually become and I still want to stop and tell you a story about her. Obviously the readers are not dying to hear of the cute thing she did... I mean everyone has their own babies to gawk at. Gawk...what a word. Let's say it again...it's like hawk but not...it's GAWK. I seriously hope I am spelling this right, otherwise I will forever get made fun of for my lack of brains. Well, what an attempt I am having at interesting topic to blog about... maybe we should just post another one of Batman's stories.

Stella: Same song, second verse... Baby voice makes it worse. Fried Ham! Fried Ham! Cheese & Bologna! After that we'll have some pickles and pretzels... Then we'll have some more Fried Ham! Fried Ham! Fried Ham!

I do feel that this is your default topic. How many times have you written about your baby & how that's all you talk about and how you need to get out of the house? Too many times to count, (although we probably do not publish half of them as they become very redundant and mundane.) Why don't you try talking about a tv show you watched or a movie? Or even a book? Surely you do something other than stare at your child all day. Why don't you post a recipe next time? Take some pictures as you cook (a step-by-step tutorial) and then publish that. For example, here is a picture of my super healthy lunch from today. It's a turkey wrap which includes: multi-grain flat bread (only 100 cal and 2.5 g fat,) turkey, lettuce, sprouts, avocado, tomato and a wee bit of low fat mayo. Hungry? mmm. So good. Or let's try to think of a hobby for you.

Loki: Oh yes because me making a lovely dinner for 2 has to be more entertaining than my baby. I dont think so. We just got out of the shower....bleh I am stopping myself. So for lunch today we are having a grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of soup. First, you turn on the stove and dump the can of soup of your choice into a pot. Then place on the stove on medium high. Cook until soup is simmering... Then eat. Now as for the grilled cheese... Take 2 peices of bread (or 3 in my case since Baby Blue only needs a half.) Place cheese in the middle. Butter the outside (or if you are dieting you don't need to butter the bread at all.) Place on skillet on medium high heat and cook for about 4 minutes on each side. Take off once the bread is toasted. Viola! You have a quick, easy lunch. Now tell me you didn't fall asleep just then.

Stella: I'm still awake and you, my friend, are RETARDED. So I will try to come up with another suggestion to make your life more interesting. How about you try to incorporate this phrase into your conversation with Big T tonight: "Guess what?! I am not a robot." That is what I would like for you to say. But when you say it, you will have to be a little angry about something. You can't just throw it out there in a happy-go-lucky tone. He needs to do something that is pushing you or antagonizing you and you should respond with "Guess what? I am not a robot" using a real serious voice. This will make me happy and be very entertaining. Then you can get on here & tell us about how it went. Also, you should actually dance like a robot just for fun to see if Big T notices. It would be optimal if you did this before you said the phrase that I have bestowed upon you although if it doesn't work out in that order, it will be okay. Now when you are doing your robotic moves, you should do it where Big T can/will see you, but you should act like you did not want him to see. So you have to pretend you were having this spontaneous moment and he caught you. There! Report back.

Loki: Thanks for the assignment. I don't really need any help with stupid things to yell at my husband. I tend to come up with those things all on my own. He will push me or antagonize me soon enough and then I will report back afterI scream "Guess what? I am not a robot"at him. However, I was able to do the robot dance, and when he caught me, he said, "Are you dying?"  No joke. Apparently my dancing skills have not improved... Err.. my robot is not very good. Maybe I need to "break it down" on the Kinect. (This is where the dance is slowed down into slow motion speed so that you can learn how to do the stupid dance moves such as the one called "Swagga Hand.") Okay, Big T has left for the gym now. The babe is in bed and I just whacked myself in the teeth with this laptop. Seriously, I thought I knocked out my front tooth. These are the things I do even when no one is around to laugh at me. Don't ask me how I am still alive.

What is your hobby?

Work it Out

 Loki: You may be wondering where all the new blogs are. Or maybe you have gotten on with your life and this silly "sister banter" is no longer entertaining. I would like to inform you all that poor Stella is insane. She has been teetering on the edge for quite some time but she has now fallen over. Let's all take a minute to remember the old Stella... you know the one who would bake whatever her hearts desire... one who could not pass up a sweet. The one who would gladly hang out when all it involved was watching silly TV and chatting about whatever and whoever. Those days are long gone. I am afraid she has overtaken Nana Bess as well. What am I talking about you ask? Bob, Jillian, Pilates, Dance, Treadmill or Hill....every single day. She is obsessed. The entirety of her day and Bess' has to do with working out... and working out. I think we should stage an intervention. Sure it is healthy and good to work out... and every day isn't even the problem, its the amount of working out that they are doing. I go over about once a week.. Anyway I am put to work the minute I walk in the door. First...we run up the hill. Its what 2 miles?  It is a good little jog...then we must do a Biggest Loser DVD workout... which is rotated every day between Bob the sadist and Jillian the soother. This usually is a 45 minuted workout...followed by a pilates workout. They have done this particular pilates DVD so many times in fact that they do not even turn it on anymore. Stella leads the way... as the moves and the instructions have been memorized. Here I am trying to keep up... with Stella yelling in my ear that I am not doing a particular move "CORRECT" .."You are doing it wrong... do this, no like this," she says. Ugh. Now you know why I only venture out there once a week. You should also know that I just had a 20 minute phone conversation with Nana Bess which mainly consisted of her telling me about her work out schedule for the day. Yes well thanks for calling and waking me up from my nap to relay about how you hope it is warm enough to run up the hill today rather than walk on the treadmill...and how today is a Jillian day so it is much easier than a Bob day. (Which yes Jillian is easier than Bob--but must I have to know which day it is before I decide to come visit?)

Stella: Oh if you weren't so busy stuffing yourself with hamburgers then you would probably enjoy participating! Loki is completely jealous of our workout routines. She only wishes she had a personal trainer living with her. I do not think we are going overboard; she only wants to do a minimal amount of work and be done with it. You should see her attempt pilates! It is a RIOT! I can't get through it without falling over with laughter at her attempts at doing a V sit, a T stand, cobra stretch and even the 100! (Bahaha. Exercising jokes!) Plus, we have all known from the beginning that with me the pendulum swings one way or the other. I can't help it if it has swung to the wrong side for Loki. And the lack of blogs is due to the lack of ideas, not the lack of energy or time I have! I have plenty of energy!! Come on over & we can box (as you forgot to mention that I like to do a lot of punching/boxing routines as well.) P.S. Bob is really sadistic, but I am a huge fan of his.

Loki: Yes, yes, I ate a hamburger... Call the dietitian now; I may have a stroke. I work out hard too... but it does not have to be 5 hours to be effective.. That's all I am saying. Yes, I am extremely jealous that I do not have a work-out buddy. It also irritates me that I live so far away because if I did not...then I am sure I would come over and participate every day. I had to tell you about my cheeseburger intake so that I would stop. I felt a binge coming on. I hate food. Well, I really love food. I'm going to go watch the "I used to be fat" show now and get motivated.

Stella: It was not just A hamburger. It was SEVERAL hamburgers!!!! Notice the plural 's' used. Today little Bess was gone at work so I had to recruit the Computer Man to come join. It was a miracle that he left his chair and got up from the computer.. It was another miracle that he survived the 45 minutes of our intense boot camp. I am pretty sure at one point he did stop moving altogether..  Another time he said he felt light-headed... and then he thought he might vomit. Maybe I am a little sadistic too because I just laughed and laughed and if I were someones REAL trainer I would have probably yelled at them. (But I can't really yell at my out-of-shape dad. I can, however, correct my mother & sister's poor form when they are not doing the exercises right. It's all about mind/muscle connection!) Anyway, working out is really the only way to stay warm in our house today. It is freezing in here! I am typing in gloves if that says anything!

Loki: Why is it so cold there? Bess said she went to work today just so she would be warm (and get out of the Bob workout today.) I would be glad to see the ole man do the boot camp. Maybe he can join us tomorrow...which yes, will be the first day I work out this week. It just hasn't been a good work out week for me...obviously. Some reason my motivation is intertwined with yours...It's like we are polar opposites and can never be on the same page. Quit with the hamburgers...I didn't even tell you about the sweets I ate.

Stella: It is the next day, and although this was ready to post yesterday I just wanted to add on that Loki did quit eating burgers long enough to show up for our morning work out today. And while we were doing pilates, Bess and I glanced over at Loki to make sure she was still participating and there was Baby Blue. Nursing on her mother while her mother was sprawled out on the floor trying to lift her legs in the air simultaneously. I have never seen a more disturbing sight than this.

What is the weirdest thing you have done while working out?

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

 Stella: Do blondes really have more fun? I was wondering this as I sit here and schedule my hair appointment to go back to being blonde. As I mentioned previously, I've had dark hair for over a year now. And this year has not been much fun... Could there be a correlation between the lack of excitement in my life and my hair color? I decided to do a little research to find out the truth! Hah.Okay, here are a few facts that I found.

Match.com reports that women who have blonde hair in their profile pictures get twice as much attention from the gentlemen emailers using the service. In fact, while golden-haired gals averaged 14 flirtatious messages, redheads averaged 11 and brunettes got a measly 9. What's up with that? So if I am ever desperate enough to try online dating I will most defintely need blonde hair...

However, other research shows that brunettes are more sought out after as wives. Dang it! Are all blondes just thought of as sluts? Do men really not take them seriously because of their hair color and think only brunettes can make good wives? Take the movie "Legally Blonde" when he's dumping her for being too blonde.. He says, "If I want to be elected senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn!" (Although didn't the Pres cheat on Jackie with Marilyn???)

What else? Blondes are definitely viewed as less intelligent than brunettes. Brunettes tend to make more money on average than blonde women do. And of course, everyone knows a good 'dumb blonde' joke. But other research shows that blondes are more confident and outgoing! Which equals more fun!

And just for fun, 46 percent of all centerfolds are blondes. Their average age: 22. Average weight: 115 pounds. Average height: 5-foot-6. Gee, guess I missed my chance. 4 years ago or 50 lbs ago whichever. Also, I read that blondes tend to get bit more by mosquitos. Strange...

In conclusion, I don't know if I personally think blondes have more fun. But at least Rod Stewart does.

Loki: Ha. You are funny. So you are for sure going back to blonde? I've always wondered what I would look like if I went straight blonde. You know, just for the fun of it. I don't really think BLONDES have more fun. Maybe you get more clicks on match.com or guys might think you are an easier lay because of your blonde hair ,but that is just silly. Maybe you should define "fun." I think it's fun to change it up every now and then. I highlighted my hair all sorts of colors for 10 years... you know blonde, red, purple, ect.. and I just got tired of the upkeep. Plus, I was never good about going back when I should so I always had roots showing my natural color. I've been au-natural for a few years, and I think I am sticking to it. Sure, I get the urge to just dye my hair red... Just to see. I keep saying when I lose the rest of this weight that I am going to follow it up with a good hair chopping and some sexy coloring. All I know is that Edward prefers brunettes! Hooray! It's the first time being brunette was mentioned as a superior color... Also I think Megan Fox and her dark locks helped too.

Which COLOR do you prefer?

Batman Begins

The following message is being brought to you by Batman, our dear brother, who has been sentenced to working in the back room due to his job related injuries... where he sits and reads books and has resorted to sending out wacky email memos to fellow co-workers. The names in this email have not been changed (since we don't know who his friend, Chance, is to begin with... )

You want to know something that bothers me Chance? People. People bother me. Someone in particular bothers me more then you, and i understand that is hard to believe, but its true. I wont name names because it is possible for him or her or it to somehow track this information down, even if i do send it all encypted like. Alright, fine. I'll name him or her just once, but you cant let anyone know i told you that he bothers me or he might seriously kill me. After all, he does have a liscense to kill. James Bond. but SHH..i dont want him finding out. He thinks I like him and want to hang out with him, it's so annoying. I cant say no to the guy for obvious reasons, the whole killing part of his life kind of scares me. He could do some serious damage to me all the way up to killing me and there would be zero consequences for him according to the court of law. So no matter what he wants to do, I have to say yes. And the worst part is, he takes me to horrible places. LIke the other day, he calls me up and tells me, not asked, tells, to go to the airport, he has his private jet waiting for me and my wife to fly down to Hawaii to meet up with him and one of his many women. Of course, i have to go, and so does my wife even though we both hate going to places like Hawaii. He even has the nerve to pay for the whole stupid trip. Girls in bikinis, everywhere, including my wife who gets brain washed into thinking she was going to have a good time. There he was, on the beach, surronded by models, telling me to go surf with him. Yeah freaking right James Bond, like i want to surf in Hawaii with you, but out of fear, i said yes. Next thing i know, i look over and some Hawaiian dude is talking to my wife and i flip out cuase he is trying to put his hands on her. POP!!!!!!!!!! HE SHOOTS THE DUDE IN THE HEAD!!!!! Are you kidding me at this point? I was just going to go talk to the dude and explain to him that this particular woman is taken at the moment, go talk to the hundreds of other bikini girls and he would of said, my bad, your wife is really really really hot, the hottest one here, you are a lucky guy and would have moved on. But no, mr. license to kill doesnt give him a chance to do that. Granted, we found out later that the dude talking to my wife was trying to put a tracking device on her so he could find out his "hide out" to take out Bond when he was asleep. The dumb russian spy, we are staying in the hotel, dummy. Anyways, some how he knows all of this and shoots the dude on site. The Hawaiian police give him a medal or something for his bravery. HOW BRAVE IS IT TO SHOOT SOMEONE FROM 100 YARDS AWAY? NOT BRAVE AT ALL!!! Of course, i have to give the speech at his acceptance dinner later on this week back in Hawaii. GOSH! I am tired of that place. I am tired of getting served my drinks and food on the beach by beautiful waitresses that flirt with not only me, but my wife, who seems to enjoy flirting back.

Another quick example of people bothering me is somebody different. You. Thats right, but not for any of the reasons above with Mr. James. (he makes me call him Mr. James, how dumb is that). There are several, several reasons why you bug me, but this e-mail will only share one of the reasons why. The thing that bothers me is.................when you hit reply and send this enitre e-mail back to me. You dont take the time to just highlight the entire thing and press delete, you just hit reply and think i want to see my e-mail that i just sent to you back in my inbox, like i want to read it over again.You dont see me sending back to you what you just wrote to me, now do you? I have this e-mail, it will be in my outbox incase i want to see how funny i am again, i dont need it back in my inbox. Also, you dont take the time to put your own subject in the subject line. It will read RE:People bother me. But you didnt come up with this topic, you didnt write about this subject, you are merely commenting on the retarded story i just sent you. If you wanted to add to the dumbness that is going on right now, change the subject line to best fit what you are writing about at that time. if you wanted to tell me what kind of people bother you, thats fine, "people bother me TOO" or "also" would work right there. That would be putting your own personal mark on a simple e-mail that you are sending back to me. Okay, now that i have gotten that out of the way. Good day to you and tell Austin that he doesnt get e-mails anymore becase he doesnt reply and you do. But hold on just a sec, dont get the wrong idea here. I very much enjoy recieving e-mails from you. When i open up my e-mail and see INBOX (1), my heart skips a little, not going to lie. So, if it suits you, then please continue on commenting on the no common sense B.S. (Bachelor of SCIENCE) and tell me what bothers you if you'd like.

People bother me, and that is why.

The End.

Batman

Banter Rules

Stella: I thought we would go ahead and list out some "rules" for the bantering viewers as the Cougar suggested. First of all, Rule #1 would have to be that Loki has to respect my blogging philosophy of Quality vs. Quantity, as she pointed out herself. There is no reason to drone on just for the sake of it. Posts should only be done when each writer is enjoying themselves. (Or in other words, I will play with you when I want to play! And that's only if it can be fun and not work or pressure.) Now that we've settled that, let's lay it out for the fans. Rule #2: Spouses should not have to be forced into reading our gibberish. I feel embarrassed enough about my life... In order to keep my self-esteem somewhat existant, I would have to think that there are no readers of the opposite sex. On that note, Rule #3... Everyone should always think of my patheticness as both amusing and endearing. I would also like it if you thought my bitter, rude comments were just silly, meaningless jokes. Please don't see these as "hurtful insults" or a reason to bump me up to the top of your prayer list. I swear I do behave like a normal person and don't hate the world... all the time.

Loki: My rules to you:  Rule #4: You can not be hateful to me if you think my topic is not of use. Simply delete it or start over with some other wonderful idea. I, in turn, will try to realize that we do not have to post every day of the week. Please also keep in mind that not every post has to be a masterpeice... Sometimes they can be dumb rantings of nothingness--which still equals entertainment.  Rule #5: No posting without my acknowledge. I sometimes jabber and I don't realize how ridiculous I sound. (I just realized I put acknowledge instead of knowledge--- you can still correct silly mistakes like that.) Now to the readers: Rule #6: Please know that I do have brains and sometimes it just does not translate. Rule #7: I think you can show whomever you want our masterpieces... Preferably someone who has lots of  money and wants to advertise on our page. I could make money doing this! Also, on that note, please know that we both pretend that we are only speaking to each other, and we do try to not think about who is reading... It does make it harder to think that maybe one of my friends is reading this...(Sorta like how we pretend Batman and Blondie don't read the blog, but we know they do.) I really don't want to put RULES on the blog...like you may only read this if you are wearing red! I just hope you come back!

Stella: You really are no fun. I am not coming up with serious actual "club house rules." You understand that part, right? Sometimes I question your sense of humor.Wait, that's what the "old" me would have said... So the "new" me would instead say: Golly gosh darn gee willikers. The good Lord sure made both of us with a different sense of humor. That's hard for me to do. Now on to your rules... If I am being forced to read your ridiculous ramblings all the time then I think it is only fair that I can share that pain and torture with others. It is for the purpose you intended it for as well. It's not as if I am pouring through your diary and secretly posting it online. You wrote those things, and I can't help it when you sound like a complete moron. In fact, I get a good laugh out of posting your "masterpeices" without your consent. So. Rule #6: If Loki sounds moronic, it is only because she has been trapped in a house all day with a baby and has forgotten how to think intellectually. (Also, you should get it out of your head that someone would pay you to read this.) Now I am going to continue on writing my own rules (that.. yes, Loki,  do not have to really be followed.) Rule #8: Bantering fans should post comments at least once a week. If you are taking actual time out of your day to read such nonsense, then you should at least let us know that you are out there... in the great wide void... so that we know that what we do has meaning... If something we said touched you or spoke to you personally, then please share that with us. Actually, I don't feel there is any meaning in this, but I thought it sounded good and funny. You should especially comment if you are from a foreign country, or are black and was offended at Saucy's semi-racist remarks. That would MAKE MY DAY. Let's see.. Rule #9: If you happen to see me in public and have figured out my true identity, although we are supposed to be anonymous, then please, I beg you... Do not ask me for my autograph. It's just a little embarrassing for my friends & family to always have so much attention on me when we're out in public. Instead, please send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address provided at the bottom and I will send you a copy of my John Hancock free of charge.

Loki: Yes Dear Stella you are quite the hoot.  I would like to say that Stella likes to blog and then let's me respond and then she goes back and re-words some of hers to sound better. She changes her first paragraph sometimes altogether which then increases my moronicness. (or makes it appear so) She does this all the time. I always say something about how she changed this or that and I have even blogged about it... although you dear readers would never know because she erases that before posting. Sorry, I ran out of steam and out of sarcasm.

Stella: Thanks for going way off topic and making the entire paragraph above irrelevant to the rest of the post. You have violated Rule #1, 4 and 6. You are hereby banned from the club.

Who RULES your life?

Donations!

Stella: Have you ever thought about being a surrogate mother? Today I told my best friend, Betty Lou, that I would volunteer for this position if so needed. She is having many woes and troubles over getting pg, and even though I told her to be patient, I still thought I'd help ease her mind by offering my services to her. Hah. Was it in the Gender class that we talked about surrogate mothers? Maybe it was another one of my Sociology courses, but we did a whole study on surrogacy. There was one case that was particularly interesting in which there was a donor sperm, donor egg and a surrogate. The "adoptive" parents that contracted to have this baby ended up getting divorced and the "adoptive" father was trying to get out of having to pay child support for this child since it was not his sperm, but a donor's sperm. It was a huge ordeal with 5 different people involved in "making" this child (and even the surrogate mother went to court to try to get custody of the child,) but in the end, the court decided that the couple that arranged for this conception to take place was...  in fact, the child's parents! And of course, the man had to pay child support. Well, there's a bit of trivia for you my dear, and now your thoughts...?

Loki: That was gender class... and I remember that story well. I also remember the one about the little boy who liked to dress as a girl and play with dolls. He was a rather odd little thing. I also remember the transgender show about the girl who turned into a boy, and he was a mean man but still had a rather high voice. That class was weird, but totally entertaining. I used to be a tad worried that because I understood (or learned) about transgender people or herms that I would birth one. It had me a little nervous... if you had to make the decision to either raise a girl or a boy. It always seems like the parents make the wrong choice. Hmm.... I have no idea what I am blabbering about now. I don't think I could be a surragate. I made Stella clarify to Betty Lou that she would not donate an egg...  That she would only house the baby with the couple's donations. I think it is wonderful that people do donate eggs and sperm so that people who can't have babies have that option. However, would you donate your eggs anonymously? There is a movie out about some lesbian couple who had used a sperm donor and then the kids went and found the "dad". How odd that would be. Can you imagine knowing that you were created by a random sperm donation?

Stella: Hahhaha. Aw, Hermie!!!! No, I would never donate an egg! Did you really need to ask that question? The thought of it alone makes me think of a chicken. Then that would be MY child, and I would want it! I have often thought that if I am still single at age 35 then I am going to ask Bella's father for a sperm donation so I could have another child and at least they would have the same genetic makeup. Is that a strange thing to think about? I mean, that was really the only thing he was good for... haha. Anywho, haven't you seen all those news shows about the doctors who have like 38 children? They would make sperm donations to make money to pay off all of their student loans for med school. So crazy. And then the women would eat that up .. Thinking that their children will be smart because the sperm came from a DOCTOR! People are just freakin crazy. I do have another question too. What should you do if one of your friends is trying to get pregnant and you are totally against them procreating?! I am having a hard time being enthusiastic about such a thing.

Loki: I have never had a friend who was trying to procreate that I didn't think would make a good mother. Actually, I do not have a lot of friends that have children to begin with. I have no advice although I have been in several weddings that I did not agree with and that was hard enough. I just kept my mouth shut and did what I was supposed to do... (and then held their hand after the divorce was finalized.) But anyway, speaking of donations... Would you give me a kidney if I needed one? You know, if you donate a kidney you can never drink another alcoholic drink again. Not that you are a real boozer, but you could not frequent the Stallion ever again without being tempted to partake. Even though I occassionally like to be a boozer, I would give you a kidney if you needed one... And if I was the only match. What else can you donate and still live? A lung? Would you give me an eyeball? Let's say I went blind in both eyes... Would you at least give one eye to me... then we could both see.. ?? I bet you wouldn't.

Stella: You're right. I don't think I could give up an eyeball for you. Sorry. But I would maybe give up a kidney because I probably wouldn't miss it. Although yes, I'm sure the local bar would miss my yearly visit and my whopping tab of $7. The place just might even go out of business if I decided to do that. But an eyeball? That I would miss. I would also not like to part with a lung. I hear those are good for breathing.. and living. And all of this pressure of giving up my vital organs coming from the girl who starts a blog and then titles it: "I should finish this when I'm sober." hahah. I quickly click on the page to read what I think will be a very entertaining rant... But unfortunately, you still only talked about what your baby ate that day and then every other minute detail about how you spent your entire day. (That is how you spell it by the way. Not minoot.) It was such a disappointment. I definitely would have posted that one without your consent.

What would you be willing to give a loved one?

Stop Calling

Stella: I think it runs in our family's genetic makeup to answer the phone like a crazy person. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I cannot help but speak in a funny voice or break out in a random song when the phone rings. Perhaps after all of those years of being conditioned by our father to behave this way it is inevitable. If any of you have ever called our house then you know what I mean. We actually just got caller i.d. about a year ago.. Before that my dad, (and brothers,) would answer the phone acting as retarded as possible and we would have no idea who was calling. Some of the times when it was particularly embarrassing we would all sit and cringe and hope that the phone was not for us. But having caller i.d. has not stopped us from acting like complete lunatics. I fear that we all get worse as we get older.

 Loki: "I've got a pocket got a pocketful of sunshine

I got a love and i know that it's all mine oh oh oh oh
Do what you want but you're never gonna break me

Sticks and stones are never gonna shake me oh oh oh oh

Take me away a secret place

A sweet escape take me away

Take me away to better days
Take me away a hiding place"

Yes, well sometimes I call and either dad or TMC answers and wants to be funny and speak crazy, and I just don't want to listen to it. Although I usually just play along with them and start to also speak in whatever accent it is that they are performing for the day. I think we are weird. Oh well, I like being weird. They should put us on a TV show... We would be great entertainment for some! Really.. They could base an entire show around dad, and we would all be minor characters in his show.

Can I also mention that the movie quoting is getting out of hand? I am beginning to think the only way for Batman and TMC to communicate is to do it through movie quoting. Now that's weird.

Stella: By the way, the song that Loki was singing is the same song I sang to her the last time she called and I answered. I really couldn't help myself. And yes, sometimes I get annoyed when I call the house and have to put up with the charades. I will demand to talk to mother in my most stern voice. And we all know... the family is afraid of my angry voice. :) The movie quoting has gotten quite ridiculous.. I do agree. It's like everything you say has or was or must be a movie quote! I can't even keep up. Batman always tried to put movie quotes in his college papers. I would be editing them, (What a great sister I am! Even though my dad says I only do it because I have OCD...) and would run across several lines that I recognized as song lyrics or lines from movies. When I would confront him about how idiotic they sounded or how irrelevant they were, he would retort "Well they're SENTENCES!"

Loki: We should watch some girly movie and carry around the transcript with us and only speak in the movies dialog around those boys. Maybe they will get annoyed and then stop quoting movies themselves. Although I think everything we do around them annoys them. I can't be in the same room with Batman without him going ballistic on me and baiting me into an argument. He apparently gets some sick pleasure from making me mad and I guess because I was out of the house in his prime adolescent years he feels the need to make it up by debating his older sister. It really is quite irritating to me... and I would like to just end the argument by punching him. I would have done this when I was younger... and arguing with him makes me feel like I am 16 again, (but not in a good way like I would feel if I could fit into size 3 jeans again.) His wife just sits there and stares at me and because she is in close proximity to him it makes me want to punch her too. (Maybe you should take that part out.)

Stella: No, I'm pretty sure that won't work. The Man Child does indeed watch all the girly movies too, and can quote chic flicks when necessary. He probably lists it as one of his "talents" and "skills." Oh, TMC. That's my new favorite saying. It brings a chuckling (almost gurgling...) laughter out of my mouth. Now on to discuss Batman. Yes, I do think it is his goal to make me feel inferior to him everytime we are in the same room together. Perhaps he feels it is his brotherly duty to remind me that I'm.. A. Unemployed, B. Single, C. Living at home with my parents, D. 30 lbs heavier than I used to be. I guess maybe he thinks I forgot those things and is just trying to be sweet and remind me. Maybe his intention isn't malicious and cruel?!! I think Blondie doesn't know what her role is during these arguments that Batman starts. To defend her mate? To quiet him like a mother would? So I think she chooses to be silent. (Oh, and I forgot .. E. Childish & Gossipy)

Loki: Please note that Stella inserted on my behalf the part about fitting into size 3 jeans. I never fit into size 3 jeans. Seriously, I was born with hips. I remember buying size 7 in middle school and being horrified. Anyway, yes... You are right. TMC does watch the girly movies. Maybe we should make up a movie and pretend it is the funniest thing in the world.. and then see if they catch on. Either that or I can just avoid them both for awhile. I'm sorry you do not have that luxury. I guess you and Bella could move into the computer room at my house. Although then I am sure we would be fighting like cats and dogs and then you would just want to bad mouth Big T and Blue. That darn baby laughing all the time. haha

Stella: I choose to be silent.

What's your favorite movie quote?

Best FOOT Forward

Stella: I'm afraid that it is that time of year... When we start thinking about all of the things that we should be doing, but aren't... And  then we try to make it our goal to start doing them, which usually lasts a week or two. Now Loki, you and I both know that in our family the obvious New Year's Resolution is to diet. Of course, I will be adding that one to my list this year as well. (Or rather, I will be making "life style changes" as Choc Chip puts it.) But I think I should come up with a few other goals too. We all have a few things we can improve, right? So here's what I'm thinking.... I'm thinking of working on obtaining the world's softest feet. Surprise! I have already come up with a strict regimine to improve the texture of my little tootsies so that they will most undoubtedly be the most prestine feet around. What'd ya think?

Loki: I think you will become obsessive like you do with most of your "goals." Even going as far as dancing with lotioned feet in socks. haha (This is what she had on at my house today... and needed to take her socks off for a bit. I guess lotion and sweat do not mix.) Perhaps I should try to have the roughest feet around.. ding ding ding! I wouldn't need to do anything! I've already won! Maybe I will try to grow out my fingernails... or give up something... like a TV show. Maybe I should make a committment to read my Bible more... or do the read the Bible in a year challenge. (Now that one will make my mom proud!)

Stella: Hmm. Doesn't sound like you came up with anything there. I also want to floss my teeth more and not drink caffeine. I will probably whiten my teeth again too since I haven't since I was 19. Geez, aren't I great at making goals? I know these are rather lofty things to obtain...  hah! (Yes, I'm being sarcastic since you never seem to understand that.) Maybe I should think of something a little harder that deals with my personality and character rather than just trying to improve my physical appearance. Hmm.. But what? And yes, the above is a true story. I took my socks off while dancing and let Loki examine their magnificent appearance for a moment before asking to see her feet. As soon as she lifted up heel, I felt a shudder throughout my entire body. Those things are hideous! Someone should get her to a foot spa pronto!

Loki: I like getting pedicures, and when the little asian lady uses the cheese grater and then realizes that she is still using it after 10 minutes and dead skin is still coming off, her face is priceless. I always try to laugh and pretend I am embarrassed. I guess to a degree I might be... Well no, not really. I can't help it! I've got rough heels! And I've tried keeping up with them, but it just never works. Big T is no foot person either... and never rubs them anyway. The only person to ever touch my feet is my mother. And she can't shudder because she gave me these feet! Why are we discussing feet? Seriously, you only went one month with no caffeine last time? It felt like it was a loooong time without caffeine. You should never part from caffeine. Cut back... yes. But do not stop...Please for the love of all that's holy! Haha. Just kidding. I hate caffeine-headaches. I was able to cut back to 1 a day while pregnant... But once that baby was out, it didn't last much after that. (Yes yes, I know it gets in the breastmilk...Maybe that's why she is so little! I am stunting her growth with caffeine!) Okay now I am totally off topic. I apologize. My New Year's Resolution is going to be to try to not ramble so much... Both on here and in real life. I think Big T is getting tired of listening to the minoot (I have no idea how to spell that!) details of every day... Which do not consist of much, except whatever is going on with the baby, and I guess he doesn't really need to know the color of her poo.

Stella: Yes, I'd appreciate that resolution for you. I'll probably try use my brain a little more too.. To read. Maybe write more too. I am also going to make a real honest effort to quit calling mother "Great Dane." She doesn't appreciate my latest nickname for her, although I am sure it took awhile for "Bess" to catch on too. Bahaha. I think I'm also going to spend 2011 as a blonde, which I know will please Gma Modern. I've had dark hair for a year and a half now, and alas, I just feel it is time for a change. I might even make an effort to put on something other than pajama pants once a week. If anyone has turned me into 'What Not to Wear' recently then they will have some horrible secret footage of me galavanting around town dressed like a teenage boy in sweats, hats and no make up. It would be very embarrassing to have to watch on national television. But I'm actually still deciding on that last one though. It will require the most effort. In fact, I have found I am not the only one! My friend started a blog in the effort to dress like a woman as well. Check it out: http://vanessaiaquinta.blogspot.com/

What is your New Year's Resolution?