The Dumpling

Stella: So this week at Pre-K is "Occupation Week." The assignment: Bring something from your parent's job to show off in class. (Oh boy. It's a good thing I have a really impressive job now. hah.) It had to fit in a little paper bag so I sent a super cool "Justice" bag with Bella to take, while thinking that 'this is the best I can do.' I mean, What else could she talk about? Fortunately she hasn't discovered that it's really just a super lame-o job since she thinks the store is WONDERFUL since it is full of crap that little girls pine after. So off she goes to school & her teacher told me (while I was picking her up) that she did a GREAT job of talking about her mommy's job later that day. She told the class how I "hang up clothes, work the cash register & help little girls find their sizes." It is OBVIOUS that she has overheard many conversations about my work. I was oh-so proud. Then she tells me that such-and-such's dad is a police man & such-and-such's dad is a fireman and they brought their police cars & fire trucks to school! They even made little paper police man hats & got stickers. Stella wilted. (That's a Chrysathemum reference for those who have to read the book 10 times a day. You know who you are.)

Anyhow, so what can you do? I'm not in love with my job, but it's okay. I have always liked working retail. There is always something to do.. Something new going on.. But these girls I work with are freakin WACK-A-DOODLES. There is one girl in particular who is the strangest of them all, which I have named The Dumpling. Now The Dumpling was no fan of mine for at least a month. Go figure. Someone that doesn't like me! (Are you happy, Loki?) Working with her was pure torture because she would NEVER talk to me. In fact, she would only bark orders at me or make snide comments about how things should be done. But she'd phrase them like this, "Did you know that you're supposed to be doing this like this..." so as to not sound completely rude, but still in a condescending tone. To which I would smile at her and say, "YEP!" and look at her so lovingly with my eyes that I was really saying, "Of course, you idiot. I know EXACTLY what I'm doing and HOW to do it." Smile :) Eventually it became to where she was the only person I was ever scheduled with and I had to stop and make the command decision to make this pain-in-the-butt-know-it-all-on-a-power-trip-girl my friend. So one day I literally stopped working and went to stand right beside her with one goal in mind: To make this girl like me. "So do you live close to here?" I asked. "Do you like working at this store better or the Penn Sq store?" "Where did you go to college?" "Do you have a boyfriend?" It was like I was Adorable Aggie on our blind date with the 100 questions. (Sorry Saucy, I don't like that name either, but I thought I'd at least try it out.) So off she went rambling on and on about herself becuase if there's one thing I've learned from working with girls all these years is that GIRLS LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Which leads me to the second wack-a-doodle I work with, The Virgin. Now I have no problem with virgins, as we've discussed on the blog before, but if you tell a complete stranger within the first 2 minutes of meeting them about how you are still a virgin, then I'm gonna name you The Virgin. This girl only knows how to talk about herself. Somedays I want to sing Toby Keith's "I wanna talk about ME!" song to her so she'll know what a self-centered person she is and shut up. But I don't. I smile. And I listen. Because I'm a kind person. (Mostly.)

Now back to The Dumpling. You might be wondering why that is her nickname. Well, it's simple. This girl is probably only 5 foot tall and shaped like an icecream cone. A big, fat triple scooped cone. Just imagine if the cone split into two and could waddle around. It is the most bizarre figure I have ever seen. I'm sure there are many other things I could call her but this one amused me the most. What is even more disturbing about this oddly shaped girl is that she dresses in leggings and short shirts. Now I have been known to wear a jegging or two, but I have never once worn a plain legging (outside of the 2nd grade...) And IF I were to ever think I was skinny enough to sport these kinds of pants, I would still wear a shirt long enough to cover up my backside. But The Dumpling has obviously never felt this way. She wears leggings and tank tops and NO BRA. And it is not attractive.

In fact, most of the girls I work with only wear skin tight clothing. And none of these girls are fit... or skinny.... Okay, they're all FAT. So I said it. It's probably because no one gets to eat lunch at that place until after 2 p.m. and by that time you are starving and ready to eat off your arm that you have to practically drag yourself into the Smash Burger and order as much fat as you can to replenish your starving self. Not to mention, they are constantly guzzling soda all day long. I just want to tell them that they should at least be drinking DIET! And exercise? Hah. They complain about just having to bend over and pick things up off the floor. (So... "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth" was my verse today from my Daily Bible app. Gee, sure glad I read that. Now I feel a little bad as I spew out all these things. But they are just DESCRIPTIONS. And ACCURATE ones at that... Except the waddling icecream cone description was a little mean. Forgive me for that.) So let's just say that there is nothing wrong with being a confident fat girl. If you feel comfortable showing off every roll and lump you have, then good for you. I just find it odd... and uncomfortable. Like hello! Watch "What Not to Wear" and you can see that even big girls can dress their bodies in flattering ways. I wouldn't be surprised if the entire store was nominated for that show now that I think about it. (Maybe they'd include me for dressing too... too... hmm. Yeah, I just don't know.)

So back to the story at hand, now me & The Dumpling are BFF and she is really the most annoying person ever and I almost regret my decision to befriend her. We have absolutely nothing in common. She hates children. (Why do you work here?) She loves dogs and wants to tell me cute stories about them. (Gag.) She went to art school in Georgia and thinks this is the coolest thing ever. (So what?) She's in love with talking about documentaries. (Boring) And now instead of just bossying me around all day, she has started making check lists for me to complete. (Seriously.) Sometimes I wish that I would have pretended that I didn't know what I was doing because when you are actually good at something you get punished for it. Not to mention, if you are a big-time "manager" at this store it somehow gives you the right to NEVER have to ring people up again. No matter what I am doing or where I am in the store, if someone is ready to check out then this is what I hear... "Uh.. Stella.. I think they're ready!" In other words, although I'm not doing anything important myself, because you are a low life employee that I can boss around, I'm going to make you do all the work and deal with all of the people. It's really not a big deal to me and it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't for the fact that I am usually BUSY and they are STANDING there. And that I have to hear it said to me 100 times a day. Okay, I'm gonna end this here, but let's just say I'm glad that Bella did not repeat any of THESE things to her fellow Pre-K kiddos.

What 3 flavors do you like to order at Braum's?