Bunc-OH!

Stella: I would like to take a minute to talk about something that we have been talking about in my house for weeks now... Bunco. That's right. This stupid dice game has been the subject of much conversation over the past few days especially as Bess Dear prepares to host Bunco at her house tonight. What is bunco you may ask? As I just mentioned, it's a club made up of middle-aged women who like to get together so that they can eat and chatter over a mindless dice game. haha. Okay, I'm probably offending half of our readers with the 'middle-aged women' comment so I will have to retract that. Even young girls play Bunco too. In fact, I hear that Eyes of Blue is a popular sub for Bunco. Probably because most of the mothers are trying to pawn off their single sons on her... Ahem.. This particular Bunco group is made up of ladies from the church, so uh... no alcohol is involved (like many other Bunco clubs I have heard of.) I even tried to convince Bess to make Margaritas to go along with her Mexican dinner theme, but she thought there would be too many who wouldn't drink or might be offended. So then I told her to just do Tequila shots when no one else is looking. Hey! We've got a whole bottle of Jose Cuervo right here! Maybe I'll just take it to my room with me later and have my own little party since the whole family gets kicked out of the house on the night of Bunco. (Although I'm pretty sure only alcoholics drink by themselves. And who would ever choose to drink Tequila? Ugh. My throat does an automatic gag reflex at the thought of it.) I've got big plans for tonight. I have been saving up a few episodes of  '16 & Pregnant' to watch while I'm stranded in my room, as well as last night's 'Survivor' which I can hardly wait to watch...This is what I will be looking forward to all night and hopefully, I won't get stuck watching 'Strawberry Shortcake' or 'Care Bears' because I might become violent at that point. Cabin fever, ya know. So not only do you abandon your family on the night of Bunco, you have to fix a feast to feed 12 hungry middle-aged women, most of them no doubt dealing with menopause and hot flashes and mood swings and could turn on you at any minute if the temperature or flavor isn't right! Haha. I'm feeling pretty snarky today.. So Bess has been running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to come up with a menu to feed these vultures. And if you say you are NOT fixing dinner then you will be shunned from the group. So dinner is a must. And all thought and concern for what your family can eat goes out the window.... After MUCH, MUCH thought and debate, Bess is making Gma Mod's Sour Cream-Chicken Enchiladas, Rice & Beans, Guacomole & Chips, Margarita Cake, as well as those Cheesecake Sopapilla things that Curl's sister-in-law makes all the time. Then even after all this, you have to provide candy at all of the tables as well or all the women will turn sour and won't be able to roll their dice without shooting the hostess dirty looks for not giving them something else to snack on while they are busy gossipying and chattering and picking up dice. Don't you think they need those margaritas now?

Don't worry. I'm still not done. There is MORE. The week of Bunco you also have to spend hours scrubbing every inch of your house. Not to mention, getting the outside of your house looking decent and not like white trash... (You know with golf balls every where, little kid's toys scattered about the lawn, nothing in your flower beds but dirt, etc etc.) You must act as if the royal Queen herself is coming cleaning things that you've never cleaned before in your life. Next, you have the huge ordeal of purchasing gifts that 12 different personalities/opinions/levels of taste would want to win. Now let me tell you this. I have been involved in shopping for Bunco gifts for many years. It is a HUGE headache. Luckily, this year we had GREAT success at finding gifts and checked it off the list in one day. Thanks to my creative ideas I might add. Although, some of them might not like any of them, but how am I supposed to know what older women like? Ask me in 30 years. haha. Why, you might ask, am I so involved in this Bunco business if all I'm going to do is complain and call it boring & stupid? Because I still live at home (as you might have forgotten by now) and I get dragged around with my mother for lack of anything better to do. So I guess I should be thanking this club for bringing some excitement into my life and giving me something to do- or something new to bellyache about, which we all know, is what I am best at.

So this is what is going on today. Bess has left for work (her very important 3 hour job that she is very proud of-hah) and is very panicked about how she is going to get everything done in time for the old shrews to arrive. But never fear! I am here! But unfortunately for her, I'm busy making cakes & cupcakes for my cousin's graduation party that I got talked into doing. (OSU themed.. ugh! Such hideous colors. Why did God create orange?!) So in short, I'll be making a huge mess in her kitchen while she's gone so I guess she has cause to be concerned. I'm going to put some Adele on and try to wake up The Man Child with my wonderful vocals in the meantime... and try to keep Bella from destroying everything in her path. Her latest game has been to play "vacation." She has a new suitcase (that I got talked into buying her on Mother's Day) and so she has been pretending to go to Costa Rica and packing that thing FULL of clothes and other oddities. Did I tell you how we were at the store and she picked up a swim suit cover up and said, "Oh, this would be great to wear in Costa Rica!" Several ladies shopping around us looked right at her and must have thought she was a spoiled little brat getting to travel to exotic locations at such an age. Little do they know she just has big dreams of going to Costa Rica someday... And doing the zip line, she says. Hah. Okay, I must be done with this now before I get into any more trouble...

What do you LOVE to gripe about?