Monday, March 21, 2011

Bonding Time

 Loki: There are some major disadvantages to knowing your readers. We try really hard to not sensor ourselves when we choose subject matter for this blog. But let's all face it...we do. Our mother and grandmother read this for crying out loud. Normally, it is not a big deal because Stella and I do not lead very scandalous lives. The point of choosing aliases of course was so people wouldn't "know" who we are. I am assuming that we may have some readers that do not know us in our personal lives, but most of readers do in fact know us on the "outside". Anyway, we had several ideas this weekend for blogs...mainly making fun of our relatives... and then some about ourselves as well. But that would not be suitable subject matter. With that being said, I actually went out last weekend with my dear sister and retarded cousin. It started out by me texting Stella about how I agreed to get a job and she text back to not let Big T use alcohol against me. haha. So as I was cringing at the thought of getting a full time job, I decided I should just go dance too. Haha Well, not really... but it just so happened that Stella and PlayGirl were headed out on the town....and although it was already 10pm, (my normal bedtime,) I thought it sounded fun. So up they come to fetch me because if I even drink a drop of alcohol my husband becomes my father and refuses to let me drive. Poor Man Child had already been convinced to come fetch them at the end of the night and so we inquired and he agreed to drive me home too. So there. Off we went to dance our troubles away. I haven't been in a bar setting in quite some time...let alone a dancing ho down. The minute we get there PlayGirl proclaims that she cannot have fun unless she gets drunk. What? Who says such a thing! Let alone means it! So ridiculous. I guess she doesn't realize that drunk or not she dances like a epileptic. (The girl has no rhythm!) Not that I am Beyonce, but at least I know I look retarded. Anyway, so off we go on a mission to get PlayGirl drunk...or at least enough so that she then decides to hit on any man walking by in hopes of getting her drinks paid for. I must say that I don't think she succeeded at even one drink... Perhaps it was the 80's shirt she was wearing. I'm pretty sure it was an actual one shoulder short-crop-top blue sweater. (You know that looks turned inside out.) Anyway, we ended up hanging out with her 2 nerdy guy friends who were already there. One just sat there watching the dancing and then the other took each of us on the dance floor to teach us the 2 step. I'm pretty sure he came back proclaiming how Stella was worse than PlayGirl, and I am not really sure how that is possible. I liked pointing at the most ridiculous looking dancer I could see at the moment and then mimicking their stellar moves. I'm sure I sufficiently embarrassed Stella.  I kept thinking "Who are all these people!" And yet, I didn't see  a single person I knew. I did get quite a workout in. (On top of the hour long yoga  session AND the running at the park with the fam that day...) So yes, my legs were shot. I could barely walk the next day.  However, PlayGirl is rather entertaining to watch as she flirts with random men... in an attempt to get her drinks paid for. I don't think I ever did that... I am not a good flirter. I don't think she liked having competition there (Stella...not me.)

Stella: I never tried to get men to buy my drinks either. It just so happens that they would without me trying. Hahah. I'm just gonna tell you now that when I had a big gorgeous head full of curly hair, I used to get more drinks for free than PlayGirl ever did with her big ole boobs hanging out. And that is a fact!! How's that for not sensoring? haha. Well, it's not like I did anything or like I am really conceited thinking I'm hot stuff. Since then I have lost my luscious free-drinks curls. But hello, when it comes to poking out $5 to $7 for one mixed drink, why wouldn't you just have some idiot doofus you'll never see again buy it for you? It's very tempting to take advantage of these poor fellas. Because what decent guy is standing around a bar wasting money buying strange girls drinks? None. Just creepers who think they'll get something in return for spending money. Just think about it- would you ever buy a random person a drink? No way. That's all I have to say about that.

Loki: Oh yes, boys are stuuuupid. However, I am sure there are some girls who would end up going home with a doofus. Just think if they hadn't turned on the lights at the end of the night....Play Girl might have gone home with that weird looking guy. Haha just kidding. That didn't really happen. Whats really is funny is when a guy buys one girl and ALL her friends drinks...all night long. I have been witnessed to such craziness. I guess the thing being projected there is money but still. I don't think such things work. Well maybe.... doesn't PlayGirl have a friend like that.... who she goes to the lake with only because he has a boat and buys her drinks? How sad . I was scouring the crowd for hopeful future Mr. Stella's, but then quickly stopped myself because 1. We are not attracted to the same sort of men (except for Big T...hahah I kid I kid... and just made myself throw up a little.) Although we did rank the Jersey Shore guys the same... Pauly, Vinny, Ron... (and in case anyone was interested. Mike doesn't even make the list by the way.) 2. You ain't gonna meet Mr. Right in a bar. I caught myself speaking with PlayGirl about such matters and she informed me that she had a friend, (one of the nerdy guys who was there,) who said if they were both 35 and single they would get married. Which is also one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Yeah like that relationship would last. I did ask this guy how old he was, 31 and he was not familiar with the pact he made. I guess she was just making it up...or he just refuses to remember that.  I don't think guys have that same "time frame" that women give themselves.
(I was looking up images for 'flirting for drinks' and all the captions had something to do with women flirting to get free drinks. One was even a checklist or tips that told you how to get these free drinks)

Stella: These guys were both so ugly that Loki & I ranked them as a one and a two (out of ten,) but then we couldn't even decide which one would have got the higher scoring of a two. It was that bad. Also, I wouldn't put Ron on the list... He's a big fat head. Sorry, I don't like men with big fat heads juiced up on roids. (Aka a "Gorilla Juicehead" for those who do not watch J.S. which is probably EVERYONE but me.) The most entertaining thing to me about this whole adventure was me trying on PlayGirl's shirts. They were all 80's style & not MY style at all. The worst one was a gray sweater that was the inside-out look, (like the one Loki previously described,) that was also a crop top that had huge slashes in it. It was the most horrific thing ever. I put it on and sang "I'm a maniac... maniac!!!" and danced but PlayGirl did not get my joke... So I just took it off.

Tell me what your favorite flirting technique is!!


  1. OH YEA!....THEY'RE BACK!!!! I've missed you gals! :o) Oh, I got a laugh out of this one! I don't get the idiot drink buying guys either! That's just totally ignorant to me!!! Now the boat thing...I would totally take advantage of that one too! lol...just kidding! Ha! Ha! you thought you were in Flashdance! (can you (or anyone) believe I finally guessed a movie?) Well, I am glad you ladies had a night out dancing. I absolutely LOVE doing that! My cub took me once to dance. Either he didn't realize how bad I was at it or he didn't like the sparkle of the disco ball on my silky hair, because he's never offered to take me again. Now we only dance here at home. But it's still fun.

  2. Good gravy! (taken from the Cowboys) it's been so long since I flirted. But did quite well in my teens. Have no idea how it worked but it did. Something about being 'girly' and needy always worked for me...probably wearing a tight sweater worked too..but you all don't need to know that. Suffice to say I met the man of my dreams and thus became married with children. All flirting ended. Housework etc took over..and weekend dates when we could afford a babysitter. Would never have gone out leaving hubby home. He never wouold have understood the reason why. Must be why we're still married happily after all these years. But I do miss the was sure fun. American Bandstand was our standard for dancing and everyone was doing it. Ah, those were the days!