Angry. Must. Vent.

Stella: Well, am very angry with someone right now. And I just thought I would tell you about it. I was just wondering if it's just me or does the rest of the world really think that the only important thing about a person whether or not they are a virgin? Is this the first thing you would want to know before meeting someone or dating someone? Really?! Why don't you just ask if the person is a sinner or not? Then once you find out that the answer is always going to be yes, you can get over it and quit judging them for which sins they may have committed. GEEESH. This all started as just a happy-go-lucky text convo and now it has made me so mad my face is on fire. It's burning up Loki. Burning up. Because without insulting me directly, she insults me! As it is obvious I am not Mary and did not have the virgin birth, and so even though she was not talking about me directly I am still thrown into that same group! Well, well... I must not be good enough for anyone either. Someone should hang me in the gallows at dawn. In front of the whole town. Poor Hester Prim and that freaky little child. What's wrong with these people?!!!!! GRRRR

Loki: Please tell me more. I want to know more. You may not want to put all gory details on the blog and that is fine with me... you may text me if you wish to keep this private. Although, you did start a blog about it so I am assuming you do not want to keep this private. I think a lot of people have a very bad problem of having a "holier than thou" attitude about a multitude of things and so I do not find it surprising that they could once again let their mouth run and insult someone. I hate people like that, by the way...the kind that judge other people. The kind of people who act as if they are BETTER because they abstained from sex. Well congratulations.

Stella: That's what I said exactly! In fact, my words were that so-and-so should just go get a "certificate to frame!" Bahaha. Nice one. It gave me much pleasure. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I hate all virgins! (Don't you call me a Virgin Hater! I can just hear you now... haha) I just don't like people who won't give a person a chance because they're NOT a virgin! Besides, I didn't say that person was a prostitute and had 30 std's so if you're gonna date them you'll have to take the risk of catching a disease. But ya know- so what if they did?! Are they not worth loving? Are they to be shunned by the human race? Doesn't Jesus love them too? Yes. Yes, he does. And yes he did back in that story about him loving or healing or whatever the prostitute. If only I could quote scripture. But alas, we only quote movies in my family. But whatever! Oh, and I just ate 1 tsp of all natural peanut butter. (As is allowed according to the South Beach Diet book.) And IT. WAS. DELICIOUS.

Loki: haha!!! VIRGIN HATER! I also find it quite humorous that you just ate ONE tsp of peanut butter. It's like you were so mad you needed a drink...but you don't drink --so you ate some peanut butter to calm down.  That was what I used to do when I was starving and had nothing to snack on... Now I have all of Blue's snacks... graham crackers, goldfish etc... all easily accessible and hard to not pop in my mouth. Ahhh I'm off topic as usual. If one chooses to remain a virgin... and they are in the dating world and they choose to date only other virgins...that's fine. That is their decision. I guess maybe they do need to pre-screen and ask up front that person's sexual history. Bahaha. How ridiculous. People don't go around spewing their past and every mistake they made before dating someone. No one would ever go on a second date if that happened!!

Let's cheer this post up. Here's Sammy with a new hair-do. Thoughts?

Volunteer Snear

Stella: Is it a terrible thing to want to un-volunteer from helping with the children at your church? I will admit that I don't think un-volunteer is an actual word, but I don't know how else to say that I would like to quit volunteering! Yes, it is probably a horrible thing to say after only doing it once... and especially when it's your daughter's class. This is exactly why I don't volunteer for things. Then you get stuck doing things you don't want to do and can't get out of them without looking like a creep. But when someone calls you on the phone and asks you to do something, it's hard to come up with a lie right on the spot without sounding like the real, true creep you are. "Um, no thanks. I would not like to help out because to be totally honest, I do not like other children other than my daughter. And niece. And new little cousin. Yes, those are the only three children I have fond feelings towards." Anyhow, it's too late now.

Loki: Yes I am holding you responsible for my torture that I will have to endure every 6 weeks. Stella all but demanded that I take part in her volunteering. Hey I told so and so that you would help with me... Uhh thanks for that. I would rather be in the crib room where I could just hold babies and gossip with all the other ladies. Not so in the 4 year old room where you actually have to teach them lessons and structure... and there is a hand washing time too. There were 3 teachers to the 4 kids we had in there. I am pretty sure one person could handle that many...even if some were wild and crazy. Bella better love me more after this is all I have to say. Also I love how if you are being tortured you like to bring others along... particularly me.

Stella: She was already going to ask you! I didn't suggest it. At least I gave you a warning. But it's like no matter where we go, we are still 'children.' Like at our Christmas gatherings all the cousins still have to sit at the kids table and not with the big adults. Haha. Anyway, the lady we were working with didn't even ask us to do anything and since it was our first time helping out, we didn't know what to do. Plus she probably thought we were 18 or something since she had never seen us before even though we informed her we'd been going to this church for the past 27+ years. She did everything herself so we just sat there and tried to look like we were being helpful. On a side note, I even saw her in passing at church the next week and I said "hi" to her but she just kept on walking!!!! It was so rude.

Loki: Yes, she was not your typical array of sunshine. Maybe we can talk to the head lady and see if we can just work this gig by ourselves...or maybe we can tell her that Blondie wants to help us instead. All I know is that I tried to be as helpful as possible. I realized that I talk to the 4 year olds like they are little babies when I know I don't speak to Bella like that! The one boy in there spoke like he was 2... so I just assumed he was younger. He asked me why I was so big. Umm EXCUSE ME? Apparently it was a mystery to him as why my big bum couldn't fit in the play diner he was sitting in. They say kids always tell the truth...perhaps I should get a little more serious in my work out schedule. I also do not know how to discipline strange children. I will tell Bella no or something (which she will later tattle on me and say I am being bossy) but what happens when the strange children do not listen to you? I told one of them to not do something and her response? "No!". I said, "did she just tell me no??" Don't these kids know to obey in church? I guess they are just kids. I think I just let it slide... What was I supposed to do? Put her in time out? It was my big debut there...I did not want to be the mean one.

Stella: That is hilarious. "Why are you SO big?" Bahahahah. I would have died if I had heard him say that to you. But just hearing about it is funny enough. I tried to interact with the children as well even though there were only 3 that I weren't mine. I was proud of my precious daughter for being so nice to all the kids. Especially to the little weird girl... Who walked right up to me and stuck her face about 1 inch from mine and then just BREATHED OUT. It was so crazy and  too weird for me. (Not to mention she had bad breath, bless her heart.) I probably made a horrible face at her, like "ewww" and backed away. What a weird child. I was also busy trying to see how my kid measured up... Watching the other kids write their names and perform puzzles... So I was busy studying where Bella was at in comparison to them (since I never see other 3/4 year olds.) I do have to say she was the least socially retarded.

What's the worst thing you've ever gotten stuck doing?

Baby It's Cold Outside

Stella: Aren't heaters supposed to kick on when it is cold outside and keep you warm inside your house and therefore, protect you from nature's harsh elements outside such as the artic blizzard we are experiencing today? Yes. This is a no-brainer. Well, OUR heater does the opposite. If it is too cold, it stops working. Bess has an explanation for why this happens, but the bottom line is that the heater is now blowing out cold air into this already freezing house. This is why I have been buried under 2 blankets all day long... Not to mention I'm already wearing layers of clothing including a hat and gloves. But no one else seems to mind but me. It's so cold that I can't think of anything else except for how cold I am. Bella is running around as happy as a clam, begging to go outside and play in the wretched snow. The Computer Man has actually detached himself from his beloved seat at the computer to lay in bed beneath the covers and watch "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." And Bess is holding on to her New Year's resolve to not complain. On the other hand, I did not make such a stupid resolution and that is why I am voicing my opinion about how ridiculously cold is every 2-3 minutes so that everyone can feel my pain & not forget that I am unhappy.

Loki: Oh Stella! I heard about the excuses as to why this heater purchased to heat that home does not turn on when it is below 30 degrees. I am sorry to tell you that it is supposed to get to 2 degrees tonight...that's right- 2. I do feel sorry for you as I am in a toasty house but still have a blanket on because it's cold outside. Big T won't even let me open the blinds it is so cold. (Apparently leaving them shut will heat the house more). I was excited for snow and would love to go play in...except it is single digits out there. Hopefully later on in the week it will  warm up and we can play. Although Blue doesnt have any "snow gear". Maybe we can come sled later. My retard of a husband is currently driving around in this. Yes, he is off work, but he had to go see if the gym is open since this is a work out day. (He is about as much as a nazi as you when it comes to working out.) I told him to call the gym because I was 99% sure they would be closed. There is no life or death situation to open a gym so the crazy meat heads have a place to work out. No, he didn't call, but only because it's fun for him to drive in this and "play." I secretly hope he gets stuck and gets really cold before he finally makes it home. He gets restless in a house all day... go figure. And he thinks he could be a stay at home dad!!

Stella: Well the tables have turned. Nana Bess is the one freaking out today. She is currently wearing a robe over her clothes, a scarf, hat and gloves. Oh and a blanket wrapped around her waste. She looks ridiculous. She has been irritable and crabby all morning and I think her and Computer Man are about to get into it. I have been busy clean, clean, cleaning! So I am super toasty and plan to work out soon to keep my little bones warm and keep this old bod moving! I did hear that Eyes of Blue & mother woke up with NO  heater at all this morning so they are probably much colder than we are. Bella overheard Nana Bess telling C.Man that they lived in the "Branches" and Bella said, "Oh, they live in a tree house?" hahah. Too funny. They are currently being rescued by Choc Chip I hear. Not fair as they have that precious baby at their house to stare at all day. Although according to Saucy, the only thing going on over there is her milking every 3 hours.

Loki: Milking? Sheesh... she doesn't need to be called a cow! Speaking of though...I wonder if the pump ever worked for Saucy so she could catch some extra zzzz's while Cookie got up with meatball. Yes I am sure you are all very lost at that last statement... I was needed for my expertise recently. I couldn't shut my mouth with the overflow of information I was spewing. Anyway I am looking forward to no longer "milking". In fact I am counting down the days... I guess I better start weening her instead of making her go cold turkey. I wish you werent snowed in and you all could come entertain me. I am in desperate need of some entertainment. Maybe you could work with Bella and her Toddler and Tiara performance that she is going to put on for me.My house is nice and toasty. I want to go play in the snow really badly but we dont have any good snow gear for the little one or me for that matter. Maybe tomorrow the roads will be good enough I can drive out there and we can all go sledding. I am sure Bella has some old snow gear we can duck tape Blue in. Quite a different venture from last year... I better not still fit in C Man's old bibs.

And I am pretty sure NanaBess is cranky due to the lack of carbs. She needs her whole grains to thrive.

Do you have cabin fever yet?

Lucy

Loki: Hi my name is Loki, aka Lucy. I am sure most of you reading this blog understand why my family calls me "Lucy". I think my father coined the name for me after the millionith time I got myself in a "lucy type" situation. I would just like to tell you that sometimes being Lucy gets on my nerves. Have you ever said I am getting annoyed with myself? A lot of these things have happenend because I am clumsy. Big T used to laugh at me every time I tripped or ran into something (a wall, corner, table, coffee table...really any stationary object you can run into...I will) now he just rolls his eyes. Today I was drinking some coffee. Something must have startled me because out of no where I jerked and splashed it on my arm... scalding me. I then somehow decided to jerk again and spill the burning coffee all over the couch and my boob. Big T saw this happen and he said it looked like I just poured out my cup 3 different times on myself. To me, this happened in slow motion but I was not able to control it. I shot up screaming and had to rip my shirt off and then my bra. Standing there coffee soaked and splotchy red my child and husband sat there starring at me like I was crazy

This syndrome manifests itself in very awkward scenarios. Big T and I had journeyed to Jamaica on a fabulous vacation. We decided to leave our oasis of a resort in order to go be adventurous in the Jamaican jungle. We went on a zip line tour. In order to get there you had to ride for about an hour on a tour bus with other couples from this resort. We finished the zip lining and then headed back to the resort. I was so ready to get back to the ocean! I made sure I took a bathroom break before heading back on to the bus. However about 30 minutes in I felt the need to pee again. Oh well I thought...I can hold it. Only about 5 minutes had passed and I realized that it was becoming a more dire situation. I really needed to go now. It was becoming a little uncomfortable. I tell Big T... hey I have to go. "Okay he says... hold it". We were in Jamaica ...you drive by huts on the side of the road ...not McDonald's or a gas station. I resort to trying to concentrate on other things....listening to the couple retell the adventure of the zip line or the rapid excursion that others had went on. They were pretty inebriated so they were entertaining...but it wasn't enough to distract me from my now obvious pain. As I mentioned before we are driving Jamaican roads.... bumpy narrow curving roads... I keep looking out my window and imagining that I could just squat behind that tree or if the driver would just stop I wouldn't care if the whole bus saw my butt in the air...I had to PEE. It became so bad that I had tears streaming down my face as I just stare at Big T in obvious torment... and also a pleading for him to help me. I am sure he was trying not to laugh but he didn't. I was also trying (or thought I was being) quiet in my pleas. I had grabbed the necklace I was wearing and broke it off of my neck. I guess because somehow I thought that would help my bladder I dont know. Big T finally goes up to the bus driver to see what we can do....and he says we are almost there. It seemed like an eternity but we finally pull up to the resort and I stand up because I am going to run off of this bus. Everyone stays seated to let me run by and everyone starts clapping. Apparently the 100 people on that bus knew what agony I was in. The rest of the day I had strangers coming up to me and telling me they felt so sorry for me.

One more and I will be done for the day. I went to Wal-Mart the other day. I usually pack some kind of toy for Blue to entertain herself with if she gets bored looking around. We were in the super store because I had to get everything. I racked up a $250 bill. Everything was loaded in bags into my cart when I reach in to find my debit card and....its not there. I search again...and again and still nothing. Crap. Then I remember at some point during this last hour and a half that I looked down to see Blue playing with my coin purse. (I got a new "coin purse" for Christmas that fits all of my cards in as well) Anyway she had unzipped it when I caught her. I swiftly took it and put it away... but apparently my card had fallen out during that process. I dont have my check book on me because I am carrying this dumb coin purse! Meanwhile there are 5 people lined up behind me...one already has her entire cart unloaded onto the belt just waiting for me to leave. I dont know what to do. I call Big T to see if he is in the area and maybe can come bail me out? Uhh Nope.Blue has been hamming it up for the people behind us...smiling and talking so they were not mean people. I try to explain what is happening. I sound like a retard though trying to explain to strangers that I do have money to pay this...but I dont have my card! How embarrassing.  The dumb high school cashier just stares at me waiting for me to decide what to do.  So they end up having to cancel my entire order and movnig my cart to the side. I have to rush home to find my dumb check book so I can come back and pay. So after loading up Blue again and getting back up to Wal-Mart-- I walk to my cart but the same cashier lady has left... No I dont have a receipt for this...I havent paid yet. Right at this moment I notice someone carrying a debit card around... it turned out to be mine. I have to go wait in line again while they take out all the items from the bags, re-ring it and then re-bag it. Spending 4 hours at Wal-Mart was exactly what I wanted to do.

Its a blizzard out there right now.... ENJOY!  

Recipe Friday's

                                 GINGER COOKIES

Stella: Sugar & Spice and everything nice is exactly what makes up these chewy little snacks. Plus, there are only 3 grams of fat per cookie (only 61 calories!) These were a big hit at our house. Even after The Computer Man told me he did not like Gingersnap cookies, he ate 4 of them! But beware, this made a TON of cookies and I would recommend cutting the recipe in half if there are only 2 of you in your house. And now maybe Loki can finally get her cookie badge and impress Big T by just following my simple directions!

Okay here we go. Preheat over to 350 degrees. First you will need:  1 and 1/2 cups Crisco.... That's actually a ton of shortening, which why I would half that if you don't want 120 cookies.

                           Now in a large mixing bowl beat shortening for 30 seconds like so.

Add 2 cups of sugar. Wee!!!! In it goes!

Be sure to scrape the sides of the bowl occasionally as I am demonstrating here in this lovely photo.

Beat in 2 eggs and 1/2 cup molasses, which for some reason we already had in our cupboard to use.

Watch here as I show you how to pour into a bowl... Marvelous work Stella.

Starting to mix it all up

The end result will look like this.

Now in a separate bowl you will add 4 tsp ginger, 2 tsp baking soda, 1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon, 1 tsp cloves. Make sure you have all of this on hand before you bake the cookies, as I had to run up to my Grandma's twice to borrow things we were out of.

You will mix all the spices up with 4 1/2 cups flour. Yowza. That's a lot. But check out my hand stirring up the spices into the flour. Do you think I could be a hand model... like George?

Add the flour into the mix. It will be a pretty crumby texture.

Now shape the dough into 1-inch balls. Roll balls in a bowl of sugar (sorry, not pictured here. Try to figure it out yourselves though.) Hint: It should look like this!

Place the balls onto a cookie sheet lined with foil, spaced evenly apart.

Whoops, thought you might like to see an extra picture of the balls.

It's the big moment you've been waiting for. Time to put them in the oven for 8-9 minutes. I did a full 9 minutes, although you want to make sure NOT to overbake.

The tops should be puffed and the bottoms should be light brown.

Place on a wire rack to cool. And note that the insides will appear gooey like they are not done yet. But once you let them set, they will harden up and be perfectly chewy. I was afraid I didn't bake long enough, but didn't want to overbake. Once they had cooled on the wire rack, they were perfect.

And here is our finished product. You guys have worked so hard. You deserve to eat a few.

And as you can see here, I was not lying about the nutritional value.

Thanks for joining me! Be sure to let me know what other recipes you would like to read about!

Confessions of a Baby Drama Queen

Loki: You will be happy to know that I think Baby Blue did in fact inherit my "dramatic" gene. She busts out crying and throwing a little fit when she does not get her way. I can only imagine this becoming worse and more hysterical. I'm sure my mother can tell you all about my over reactions. Stella will bring up my labor story. Whatever. It's how I was made. I find it a bit humorous at the moment but I am sure it will become worse. Blue has been driving her little "car" around and has decided to place her baby dolls on there to push them around. She either remembers watching Bella do this same thing when she was over playing or she came up with it on her own. She did not only want the baby doll on the seat, but the doll must be standing up. You can imagine that the doll is not going to stay standing up as she pushes it. So the doll would fall off and then Blue would start crying hysterically. We would try to hold the doll in place but that wasn't good enough either. Oh, the tribulations in a 10 months old life.

Stella: Oh, how wonderful.  Has she been watching Toddlers & Tiaras too? I like watching Blue throw her fake fits. Especially when her mommy picks her up in the middle of her playing to change her diaper. She acts like she is being beaten and tortured. I don't know why it brings me great pleasure.... My little dear never throws fake fits. She only throws huge, full blown, over-the-top, ridiculously spastic, insane acting fits, and for very trivial reasons such as mommy actually picking out her outfit for the day or Nana Bess refusing to push her around in a laundry basket. This was the fit from last night as Bella has found a new way of torturing our dog. She has built a "train" made up of 5 laundry baskets all tied together with ribbon and forces our dog to sit in one of the "cars" to ride around in. The dog can't possibly get out as she is also on a leash that has been secured to the basket. After Bess told Bella that she would not push her around the house, Bella immediately started bawling. She ran and hid behind the couch and cried out over and over, "Why are you so mean?!" in between the tears.

Loki: Poor Bella.. I will bring over her buddy Blue over and they can play together. It will only get better from here. Blue will be her little minion. haha. I am interested to see how laid back Blue actually is. If she will do her own thing or follow Bella around and do whatever she tells her to do. It will be quite interesting. Back to the fits... These too will just get worse as she gets older...I've already stated that. I see these little brats on Toddlers and Tiaras and it makes me want to puke. Right now I just laugh at the child because it's funny. These fits do not mean she gets her way. We are teaching this now so that I don't have a 4 year old cry and beg and throw fits just to have her toe nails painted with a flower. (This was from that show last night too.) But no matter what I do, I will not be able to control her. But that's what makes life interesting, eh? I also would like to add in here that I love seeing the looks and hearing what non-parents say about children throwing fits over silly things. They have no idea.

Stella: Bella has never thrown a fit in the store. She's quite a good little shopper. But maybe that's only because I'm usuallly always buying her at least one thing! Hahah. Not really..... There have been many times that I tell her no and make her walk away from whatever precious item she is desiring and she leaves the story empty handed. My biggest fear would be to have her do what Curls did to her mother one day at the store. I have heard this story many times, but it may need to be corrected if my version is not right. Supposedly while shopping at the store one day, Curls was throwing a fit about a candy bar and when Choc Chip tried to calm her down, sweet little Curls bent over to the floor shielding her face with her hands and cried, "I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy" over and over as if her mother was about to beat her. hahaha. Oh, the horror! P.S. I bet Blue will do whatever Bella wants her to do! She will look up to her just as our young cousins looked up to us... until we were "teenagers" and "boring" and then they no longer adored us.

What's the worst thing you have ever seen a kid do in public?

Tales of the Missing Socks

 Stella: Do you know how sometimes socks just seem to disappear? Over time you will end up with half a dozen unmatched socks and wonder what ever happened to their mate. You'll give up trying to ever find them and just go out and purchase a new package of socks. Fresh, white, clean and all matching. Some people will say that the washing machine is to blame for the missing socks. Or maybe it's the dryer's fault. But in our house it is something much, much worse....

I discovered this mysterious sock eater myself. It was an ordinary day, not unlike the one before it. But I had come to notice that after a few weeks of working out regularly, I was rotating only 5 pairs of gym socks. What had happened to all of my gym socks??? My cute, white footies with the pink trim, that indicated they belonged to me and should not be confused with Bess's blue trimmed socks, were disappearing one by one. I realize that not everyone notices when their socks mysteriously disappear, but since I was in dire need of clean socks to wear during my sweat dripping workouts, it was obvious to me that something was happening. Something that had probably been going on long before I ever took note of it....

You see, when I do my laundry and there is a sock without a match I will lay it above my sock drawer and wait for it's sole mate to return. I had only 4 socks waiting that day, but it had been quite some time without making any matches and I was worried that all of my wash had cycled already. It is quite a joyous victory when you are able to find the missing mate, and perhaps I do get a little carried away in making sure that no one is left behind. And then suddenly, I had an idea. Perhaps my mother's laundry had become intertwined with mine and she had unknowingly collected a few of my socks and was thinking the exact same thing as me! She was probably saving them atop her dresser as well, just waiting for the mate to return. It was a light bulb going off inside my head as I grabbed my 4 lonely, single socks and headed for my mother's dresser.

It was there that things took a turn for the worse. What had started as only 4 lonely, single socks had now multiplied immensely. My mind was baffled as I began to pull sock after sock after sock out of her drawer. There were no matched socks nicely stuffed into balls, which would mean that there were 2 socks stuck together to be worn as a pair. Instead there lay 70 unmatched socks all shoved into one drawer. All along I had blamed the washing machine, the dryer, The Man Child's horrible laundry baskets piled up with a month's worth of washing, but it was Bess The Sock Hoarder the whole time.

Baffled at this discovery I started digging for more. Each drawer had more and more unmatched socks. It was evident that the Sock Hoarder had been at this for some time. There were unmatched socks of every kind, but I mostly just noticed the white footsies with the pink trim. My anxiety began to rise as I peeked inside The Computer Man's drawer. He is notorious for never wearing socks that match, (as well as TMC and Loki.) He has also been known to wear socks with holes in the toes as he thinks it is funny to wiggle the toes at you through the peep hole. So strange... But not as strange as the overwhelming amount of unmatched socks hidden deep within my mother's bureau.

It was lunchtime now, but I was too shocked to eat. I could not leave this insanity the way it was. So I began to pair up the socks. It took quite some time to properly select the correct mate for each one, but it had to be done.

I left her room feeling triumphant. I now had 15 pairs of my socks back in my hands. And I left Bess with even more in her drawer. At the end of it, there were only 6 socks that did not appear to have an immediate matches, (although I will wait to see if I can find them through the next wash cycle. I like to hang on to that small hope that they are still out there somewhere...)

But it was a only small victory for the day.. The Sock Hoarder is still amongst us. She is bound to strike again at any moment... Every time she goes near the laundry I will be frightful that she will just be secretly collecting unmatched socks all over again. I am not sure what measures to take now to protect the innocent footwear who get thrown into this mess, but I will have to confront Bess about this. I will have to put my foot down.

If you've ever loved somebody, put your hands up!