Time to Fly

Banter Fans,

We are sorry to say that we have nothing prepared to post. So we have agreed to torture you all with another rambling piece by none other than our dear brother, Batman, whose own mother has called his work both awful & strange and begged us not to post another. Even though we received a very bad response from the last "memo" written by Bat Boy to his co-workers Austin & Chance, we are still going to proceed forward with using this. Good luck getting through it and we wish you a happy week. Ta ta!

S & L


Batman: So, boys. The daily e-mail has started... As time flies by on this lovely Wednesday, I sit back and wonder what on earth will I write about today. I thought about…. Hang on, I got a stupid question and it might not come out right through typing but we are going to go for it anyway. Wednesday… we all know how to say it. But it doesn’t sound the way it is spelled. Wed-nes-day. What the crap, why isn't it just spelled wensday, or winsday. Wed- (wedding is what I think about) nes-( Ness lock monster)-day (I hate you chance). Put them all together and it comes out winsday. Food for thought.

I am going to continue on with other things that people do to bug me. Now, since Austin made me send him the e-mail about people bothering me which was only directed at Chance, even though Austin said he read it, he didn’t. You know what he did Chance, he hit reply and didn’t take any of the previous message out and just wrote a text message to me pretty much through e-mail. (This is the part where you say, "no he didn’t"), Oh yes he did. I couldn’t believe it either. Don’t worry buddy, I gave him a strong talking to with a warning of a warning letter. I documented it in his employee records as well. (Warning of a warning letter is I warned him that I would give him a warning letter next time this happens, try and keep up) Anyways, a thing that people do that bugs me is……laugh at their own jokes. Now, I tend to think that I am a funny guy, on occasion I make people laugh. So naturally I make jokes here and there, but you will never hear me tell a joke or make one of those outstanding witty remarks that I make and start cracking myself up about it. I will give a smile and wait for you to either laugh, smile, or frown at me because it was inappropriate before I make my next move. If you laugh, I will probably laugh with you but never above the level that you are laughing at. I tend to either match the level, or go below it. Sometimes, I wont laugh at all, just give it a smile because I don’t want to laugh with a pity laughter. That’s just the way I am. For example, if someone tells me a joke and laughs even before I react or louder then I laugh, I want to punch that person in the face, stand over him while he is on the floor with a bloody nose and laugh louder then he is crying.

"Why did you just punch me?", the man said while blood ran into his mouth from his nose.

"Because, you sir, are a laugh stealer", I reply with a wicked look on my face to make sure the guy knows I am serious.

I then precede to walk around the building, noticing that everyone was staring right at him with looks on their faces of not only fear, but respect. They all know that he wasn’t kidding around about a topic as serious as laugh stealing. He turns quickly at one of the on lookers and gives him the evil eye as to say, you steal a laugh," I will be there to stop it," like a villain hero. A villain hero that breaks the law, to uphold the law, for the law-abiding citizens. He will stop at nothing to make sure that the people who enjoy stealing jokes will know his name and fear it. The next time they think about attempting to steal a laugh, they will picture his fist in their faces, wondering what hit them, and think twice about stealing something such as a laugh.

Well, gentlemen and Chance. I will leave you with that. I probably could have gone on a little bit longer about that particular subject but I understand that you guys may have crap to do. According to Austin, he gets 100 e-mails a day so I am just the skip through e-mail. And also, the scanners are about to come in and I actually have to do a little bit of work, believe it or not. Good day.

Batman
SPU (Scanroom President of UPS)

Wow! You made it! You are one loyal reader!

Recipe Friday #3

                                                  Homemade Pop Tarts

Stella: You guys probably saw these little creations featured at Blue's 1st Birthday party this last weekend, and you might have even sampled one. Or two. So if you were a fan, check out my how-to-photos for this week's recipe and make some yourself!

For the filling you will need:

1 cup fresh strawberries/ or cherries diced & pitted (Since cherries were over $6 for a tiny package I used strawberries instead.)

3 T sugar

2 T water

2 T cornstarch

1/2 tsp almond

For the pops:

1 pkg prepared pie crust and wooden popsicle sticks

For the glaze you will need: 

1 cup powdered sugar

1-2 T milk

1/2 tsp vanilla

Food coloring/ sprinkles
                                                  

                                               First, you will need to chop up the fruit. Chop. Chop.

Then add the fruit, along with the other filling ingredients, in a saucepan and heat on the stove over medium heat.

Stir up the mixture until thickened. Remove from heat and cool completely.

While it is cooling, go ahead and unroll the pie crust. One package of prepared pie crust will equal 12 pops. This box has 2 packages so it made 24 pops.

Using a pizza cutter, slice the pie crust into 1 1/2 x 2 inch rectangles. I tried to measure properly, but really just came up with a size I thought was close enough. But here it looks like I am being very precise. ha

Here's what it looked like in the end....

Then place a wooden popsicle stick on top of one peice of pie crust like so. I went ahead and put them on a foil lined cookie sheet for this part.

Spoon about 1- 1 1/2 tsp of filling onto the crust. Be sure to stay away from the edges.

Lay another piece on top... using your fingers press down all sides. Then I used a fork and pressed around the edges. Repeat until your cookie sheet is full!

Now bake at 400 degrees for about 8-10 minutes until edges are brown. Since this was my first time to make these I didn't want to burn them, but I think I could have baked them until they were a little darker. Oh well.

While the pops are cooling, I made up the glaze, which consists of 1 cup powdered sugar, 1-2 T milk, 1/2 tsp vanilla (Plus food coloring & sprinkles on top)

Then I just spooned the glaze on top of the cooled pops and added sprinkles. Probably too much icing on these, but is that such a huge problem? No.

Once the glaze hardens, they are ready to go. And here you have some of the cutest looking treats ever!!!

Do these make your mouth water or what?!

Choc-a-holic

Stella: Have you come down from your party planning high yet? Yep. It's so stressful getting a big celebration together and even though this wasn't my baby's party, I still did half of the work. So I am left feeling like, Hmm... what's next? Don't worry. These are normal feelings. I get them after every big event I've been looking forward to. Well, let me tell what's next... Valentine's! Did you think like me that you could just have one tiny cheat day at little Baby Blue's birthday party? Even I did... But then, the very next day is Valentine's. The day of misery. Singleness. Aloneness. And nothing but chocolate to comfort the empty little heart. Okay, that's an exaggeration of my feelings towards the stupid commercial holiday, but apparently my dad does feel sorry for me for being so pathetic for not having a male companion so he buys me a whole box of chocolates to make me feel better. Which usually food always works, but I haven't eaten sugar in 2 weeks so my body is not used to it anymore. I'm very dainty, I know. But ... I still lost the temptation challenge. I ate at least half of the box. Whew. And that's when I came to the conclusion that I am indeed a choc-a-holic. Once I eat some, I must have more and more and more... Now since I am very privy to information on addiction, this is no laughing matter. I am SERIOUS. If I have chocolate, I crave it even more. I think about where I can find it... if I can just eat some now while no one is watching... whose extra chocolate I can swipe and no one will notice. It's a full blown addiction problem. I would refer to the South Beach diet book on how sugar spikes your blood insulin etc etc but I will spare you for now.

Loki: Thank goodness! I have no need to talk about your south beach diet in life or on the blog. Okay, I am sorry I have been so hateful towards the diet... it's really because I am jealous... Of your results, the fact that you have a work out buddy, (which I think makes a huge difference,) the fact you have someone to cook for you or help you cook meals, the fact you have someone to help you grocery shop and mainly someone to encourage you daily and someone you get to boss around day to day. Ha. You would think I was the single one and you had one amazing man working out and cooking for you. I guess that would be the upside of living with your mom. I had every intention of starting my diet this morning... After seeing some flubby photos of myself... and then bam. I saw the 2 cupcakes I had left in my fridge the bag of M&Ms and all the chocolate hearts that did not make it out of my house after the party. So what do I do? Throw it away? (I also still had some BBQ potato chips that were calling my name.) Pleh... what is one more day?! Sheesh. I have no motivation lately. Let me declare now that I will be dieting at least until my birthday. There now it is on the blog so I can not back out. I want people calling me SKINNY. Anyway, let me get off this soap box. I have not felt the lull... the party decor is still up in my house because her birthday has not come. I plan on doing something special on her actual day of birth...and of course singing to her multiple times over and over on that day... so perhaps I will feel the lull then. I very much appreciate the fact that you help me with her parties although Big T said that he was mad at you. He said I wouldn't be doing all the unnecessary things if you did not have fantastic parties too. Whatever! I thought it wasn't too over the top. If I had any bit of baking talent I would have attempted to make some of the baked goods, however, Stella would not even allow me to melt chocolate to dip pretzels in. Oh and P.S. I got nothing for Valentine's day. I don't really care though. It is a commercialized holiday. I got to spend the day in my PJs with my husband and baby and played with all her cool new toys....all day long.

Stella: Good. After your snarky remarks to me on facebook about my loving my mother status, I told Loki I hoped she got another tree for Valentine's. Or bush. Or some sort of shrubbery. hahah. I just wanted to say shrubbery again. It's a fun word. Anyhow. You didn't get anything?!Not even a love poem? That doesn't cost money. Did you two dance around like fools in love like the Coug and her man cub? hahah...  I got a new tiny coffee pot just for me from my darling mother as well. (Because I only drink decaf and have to empty out everyone else's coffee before I can make my own.)

AND I did not tell you to do any of these things for Blue's birthday. You practically threw a temper tantrum because I didn't come up with a whole list of ideas for you and weren't participating in the planning. You guys should have seen her in her rampage at the Hobby Lobby. She was psycho girl! It frightened even me. So Big T can shove it. I'm not helping you again either. All the mess was made here at our house- we had to bring it all to Loki's house- we cleaned up all of her house before we left and brought the mess back home with us- only to return to the previous mess in our house. You're just going to have to learn to make a cookie. I mean, it's a cookie. Every woman should master the skill of making a cookie. Maybe this is why your man isn't buying your Valentine's gifts. You can't even feed him a cookie. Now, it's not likely to be as delicious as mine... as my cookie's signature deliciousness are known far and wide.. But if you could just bake something without burning it, this would be a vast improvement. Then maybe with some more time and work you can get to where this food might actually be okay to serve to people. Bahaha. Okay, don't write a whole paragraph about how I act superior to you.

Loki: I am not speaking to you anymore. I am done on this subject. Move on. The party was fantastic...which had a lot to do with you. You are super fantabulous and I have no idea how I would survive without you. You are my sunshine my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.

No dancing or love poems at my house. Only smothering kisses for the baby. I am apparently no longer important.

Stella: Maybe next year Big T will spring for a chocolate massage.

What's your favorite chocolate thing to eat?

Not Lovin' It

Stella: Dearest Loki, I would like for you to nominate me for the 'Humanitarian of the Year' award for saving 3 little puppy's lives...  That's right. Me. You have probably already seen the great work I have done in rescuing the 3 abandoned pups or read it about it on facebook. Because if it weren't for the kindness of my heart, they would probably not be alive... You see, I am often plagued with the guilt of being an animal hater. And normally I would like to say that I am always a lover and never a hater, but when it comes to hairy, wet, smelly, annoying pets my heart is just two sizes too small. And so maybe it was this guilt that overcame me when my mother, Patsy, and I ran past 3 stray little pups out in the snow. (I like to call my mom Patsy when we are running.. and especially when she is lagging behind.. Think "Monty Python"..) Anyway, this was one of the nicer weather days and we were so excited to venture out of the house after the big snow storm (with another one already on its way.) There was no way to avoid running right by the dogs that were stranded in the road. It was obvious these little suckers were starving to death and had been left here...Their ribs were sticking out and of course, they started hyperventilating at the sight of us, even though we probably just smelled of fresh vegetables..

Anyhow, I guess that unconsciously I decided that this was how I could make up my debt to all animals that I had always hated. We allowed the dogs to follow us up the hill for the remainder of our run.. Which means we didn't throw rocks at them and kick them away. But unfortunately, we had just begun our run. So the starving little suckers had to run 2 miles before we made it back home. haha. I thought that part was funny. Meanwhile, as we jogged up the hill Patsy & I began to make up names for the little beasts... Heba, Beatrice and Keesha..If there's one thing I do love- it's naming pets. So long story short- since the dogs didn't collapse or kill over before we made it back and survived all the way to the front door, we fed them. Then being the thoughtful person I am, I took some pics of them and put them online. Thanks to my dog lovin' best friend, we had 2 offers for 2 dogs within I don't know... 2 hours? It was crazy. (Her caption read something like this: "My friend Stella who hates animals rescued these dogs...") So off the 2 puppies went. Just like that. Off to a new home with wonderful animal lovers and warm fuzzy blankets and bountiful dog food. Now, that should be the end of the story. What a heroic thing to do, Stella. What a gal! Cheers! Cheers!

But no. The third dog received no offers and since it was about to snow again, we brought her inside the house. It was then that we discovered one of the other dogs, (Beatrice, I believe,) had hookworms. Talk about DISGUSTING. It was then that I suddenly remembered why I hate dogs. They are GROSS. Just GROSS. We had to make sure to keep my baby Bella away from the entire dog area and to bleach often. And when I say we, I mean poor Patsy. But I had to refrain from doing laundry until it was nice enough to put the dog out and sanitize the area! So that was a huge sacrifice on my part. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic. I am really not that heartless.) But just knowing creepy crawly little worms might be contaminating the floors... Shudder....

So what I discovered in the end about myself .... was that you should NOT try to go out of your way to do nice things for stray animals either. Just like the volunteering conundrum. We still have Heba, (who Bella has named 100 different things and currently insists her name is Ivy,) and since we have no prospective home for her the only thing left is a trip to the animal shelter. Now, don't you feel bad for her? I do... almost.

Loki: Oh Stella! Smelling of fresh vegetables you were surely to attract all kinds of wild animals. I am super surprised that it was you who rescued the animals and not Nana. Didn't Bess rescue cats to keep around the house even though her husband and children were allergic? Remember when Bella asked if Pop could go to heaven now so they could get a cat?! haha That makes me laugh. Kids say the darndest things.  Anyway, I think you have started to rub off on me. I no longer love dogs the way I used to. Big T still treats Boomer like one of the kids and it makes me want to vomit. He is a wonderful play toy for Baby Blue and she loves him so I let him stay around but other than that...I am tired of vacuuming up black dog hair out of my white carpet. I did like how Bella was well versed on how to avoid catching hook worms...that you could pick it up on your bare feet so everyone must have their socks on.

Stella: No, that wasn't my doing. You have a child now. A REAL ONE. Plus you were never a huge animal person. And yes, Bella is a sponge. She absorbs everything. Speaking of the darndest things... we watched the Discovery channel a few weeks ago and watched all these animals giving birth. Really interesting, but probably not the best idea for Miss Observant to see it all. She can already tell you that in order to have pug puppies we're going to need a mommy dog and a daddy dog. And she loves to tell people about when our dog is wearing a diaper during her lady cycle. Gross. (Another reason to dislike dogs.) So anyhow, the other night she's playing with her stuffed animals (which we call "stuff-tys") and she sticks one down her britches and says, "Look Mom. I have a baby (pug, tiger, I forget now) coming out of my vagina." I said, "That's not very lady like. Take it out." And she says, "Don't some babies get cut out of their mom's tummies and some get pooped out?" I thought it was very strange she had picked up on 2 delivery methods, but between her educational animal viewing/ and Saucy & Loki having C-Sections, I guess she just figured it out. But before I say anything she retorts, "Mom, will you still love me if I'm not a lady and say vagina?" Lovely. (The Man Child seriously freaks out when she says this word even though it's the proper name for the anatomy.) I tell her to obey and then she asks me, "Why does Pop always say "if you love it, why don't you marry it?" So the little mind had already moved on... and I didn't have to think of what was appropriate to say next to the 4 year old.

Lover, Lover, Lover, you don't treat me no good no more...

Cleaning Monster

Loki: My husband has become part of the Cleaning Police. I do not know when this started...Well, yes I do--Right after we had a kid. He used to biggest slob I knew and that says a lot coming from me! Although I have curbed my slobbiness somewhat... I am much better. But 'my best' is still not even 'Stella's okay.' But I am fine with that. I realize I just do not have that cleaning gene. However, when you marry another slob...one of you has to change and before now, that has been me. I am and have always been the sole cleaner of this home. When we had Baby Blue all of a sudden my clean was not good enough for Mr. Big T. He wanted it immaculate. Like Stella clean all the time. He stayed home 2 days out of the week (while I used to go to work) and so he started cleaning during that time. Which meant he would clean the kitchen and maybe the front room. Yes, it was clean. But the rest of the house was a pit! He seems to think that I should have this house spotless all the time now because, of course, I am unemployed. I would like to say that I dedicate at least 2 hours to cleaning every day. Usually that is spent in the kitchen, doing dishes, cleaning counters, sweeping and swiffering... and then vacuuming. That is usually all I get done on a day to day basis because my attention is then needed elsewhere. Every now and then I get a good scrubbing out of the bathroom and bedrooms too. Anyway, I am just rambling. This week it is time to "deep clean" my house for Baby Blue's 1st birthday party. I am quite nervous and anxious about company coming over, but mostly for Stella to come over and inspect my house. I feel like no matter how much time I dedicate this week to scrubbing that it will not be good enough. Stella has already made me a list of cleaning things to do this week... laundry room and bedrooms are today. I will clean, but please tell me who is going to go into my laundry room?

Stella: What if Skyla makes a huge mess and you have to take off her outfit and bib and put it in there to be washed? Then you will open the door thinking you can just shove it in there, but then EVERYONE will see the disaster you are hiding inside. You know rule #1 of party planning states that when you decide to have a birthday party at your house then you should know upfront that you are going to have to clean it. Then when you decide to invite 40+ people you're going to have to make it look extra nice (and can't slack off like you could if it were just your mother & sister.) I should have started giving you lessons in party planning 3 months ago so that way you wouldn't have had a mental breakdown last weekend because you were not prepared for this party. Of course I had to rush to the rescue, like the amazing party planning expert I am, and fix everything up for her. And then I left her with lists of what she needed to do all week to prepare. Silly, silly amateur.

Loki: Yes, I am an amateur. I feel like I am all alone. Even with all your list making... I still have to follow them. Guess what? I didn't even finish the list from yesterday and now I am behind. I had to go shopping for all the goodies we will be making... (errr you will be making) and it was crazy town because another blizzard was coming so people have to stock up on food because they will not be able to get out and get fast food. Here I am stocking up on powdered sugar and chocolate chips.  It is rather hard trying to clean and also watch this monster child. Ok she is not a monster, but she is following me around like a puppy dog and I keep running into her. I can not dedicate enough time needed to clean this house. Oh my gosh think of what this would be like if I actually had a job and DID not have time to clean at all!! You would for sure come over and clean for me... you know in exchange for money. I volunteered to give you money to clean this time too, but you did not accept. You always accept and my anxiety goes down to a 1. I always get excited when you clean... like I was most excited having my baby shower at my house because that meant you would clean. Hmm... perhaps I should quit procrastinating and whining and just get to cleaning. The babe should be taking a nap but instead she is laying in her crib making funny noises. She has not fallen asleep yet.

Stella: I've decided that the anxiety I GET from cleaning YOUR house is not worth the $$$. hahaha. GO CLEAN.

Okay so this post is old, but maybe no one will notice.... 

Why, hello! How was your weekend?

Recipe Friday's : That Good Salad

                         "That Good Salad"

Loki: This is a salad that I love to eat. I know, I know... It's just a salad, but even Big T requests it. It is rather easy to make and extra scrumptious!!!!You will need:

Dressing:

3/4 cup veg oil  (or olive oil if you want to make it a little healthier)

1/4 cup fresh lemon juice

2 cloves of garlic- minced

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

2 bunches of romaine lettuce

2 cups tomatoes - chopped

2/3 cup slivered almonds- toasted

1/2 cup Parmesan cheese-grated

1/2 cup Swiss cheese- grated

8 strips bacon-- cooked and crumbled. (I use turkey bacon)


                                                  First, cook up that bacon! And then crumble it up!

Here I am toasting the almonds....

Squeezing the lemon juice...

In a jar with a lid- Combine oil, lemon juice, garlic, salt and pepper. Cover and shake well. Chill.

 In a bowl toss romaine, tomatoes, swiss cheese, almonds, parmesan cheese and bacon.  Shake Dressing --pour over salad and toss.

There you have it! I don't use the exact measurements given. The recipe given yields 14 servings. I usually am just cooking for 2 so I just use much less lettuce and only pour as much dressing as needed. I save the extra in the fridge for later use.

Enjoy!

Stella: Here is our South Beach diet version of this salad, using olive oil, turkey bacon and fat free feta cheese. Also added in some strips of beef...

So....Whatcha been baking?

Self Analysis

 Loki: Do you ever wish you possessed different characteristics and/or abilities? I wish I could write. I wish I was creative enough to write a book... to think up of a story that others want to read. I can make up stories all day long... they mainly have to do with me being rich, thin, fantastic, and living the high life.(but no one wants to read that but ME!) However I do not possess the ability to articulate it into words. I do think that Stella has this quality. Stella write a book! I also hate that I am shy. I dont really know what that is about because I was not shy as a kid. This must be a quality that I developed later in life... perhaps it has to do with self esteem...I am not really sure. Stella is shy too.. which we do not help each other when we are in uncomfortable situations. ie..When we decided to volunteer and help in the church 3 year old class...and we were in there with another adult whom neither of us knew. Small talk is not my strong suite...now my mother or my grandma...could talk to a wall. Seriously they can both chatter away with anyone. I would like to be nice and bubbly towards others. I fear I just make faces at strangers and pretend they are not there.

Stella: What's wrong with you? I think you have a disorder known as "Lack of Conversation with Adults Other Than My Mother, Sister and Husband Results in Inability to Be Social." You should make it your goal to engage in other social situations and get some practice interacting with others. This might help ease your social awkardness. Sorry, that's all I could come up with. Seriously, I don't know why you think you are shy or that I am shy. I don't think I'm shy at all anymore. I don't have a problem talking to anyone if I had to and I could make small talk if it were forced upon me to do so. It's just a choice. Do I want to waste energy chatting up the other moms? No. I was nice, pleasant and likeable. I didn't ignore her or not talk to her. I just didn't go out of my way to learn her life story. She was the one who was not friendly. I read that as a cue to not waste time divulging into my personal business or trying to learn about hers. I am pretty sure we already talked about this.

Loki: Well I hung out with people not related to me last night. Arent you proud? My bestest friend came over and we shoved our husbands (well her boyfriend) together and have decided that they are being forced to be friends. Thats like a rule right? I guess that probably doesnt count as interacting with other human beings...especially when most of the topics were about Blue and her birth. Oh well I tried.

Stella: Momma tried.

Loki: Well its sorta like going on a job interview and the interviewer asking you what your weakest strength...Well I dont have any strenthgs? Okay that did not come out right. It was a joke... I heard it on the Comedy Channel this weekend. So I am not good at telling jokes either. Well I feel like this blog is just the same blog we have already posted a thousand times. Let me think of a story to tell you instead. ..

When I was in high school I had one of my most embarrassing moments happen. hmm go figure a high school girl being embarrassed?! So I was wearing a skirt.. a black one to be exact. I was walking up some stairs to my English class.. I got all the way up the stairs, put my hand behind my back pack to grab my skirt and....I felt my butt. As in my skirt had been pulled up and tucked under my bag!! Um My butt was showing. AHHH! I quickly pulled the skirt down and ran to class. I do not know if anyone was behind me or not. I am thinking not because no one snickered or made a comment... but who knows I ran faster than I ever had in my life to get in the door of my class before I could be recognized.

Stella: Here is something we can talk about. Contractions. No, not like the labor pains. Contractions are made when 2 words are combined together. For example: it is = it's, was not= wasn't, had not= hadn't, I am= I'm, he had= he'd.... Do you see how you use an apostrophe to separate the two words? You see, my sister, in a contraction, an apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter or letters. What the readers of this blog might not have picked up on is that Loki NEVER correctly punctuates her contractions and since it is MY PET PEEVE, I will meticulously go through her paragraph just to insert apostrophes. It is SO annoying. I purposely DIDN'T (see how this is done correctly?) make any corrections today. They teach you this in the 3rd grade so I am not sure HOW you do not know how to do this. Quit being lazy.

Throw something there. Anything at all.