Estate Sale Bargains

Stella: So Loki, Mom just got on the i/m to ask us if we wear panty hose. "No, mom. Not since I was 12." I think panty hose might be in style in the winter (like the black tights) but no one else wears them unless they are 65. Right? She was inquiring because Grandma keeps bringing home crap from estate sales. Like “brand new” packages of panty hose. Is it just me or do you find buying/using dead people’s old stuff gross? And if I needed something silly like panty hose, I’d just go to Walmart and spend $3 buying some new ones. Maybe when our grandparents die, I will want a small trinket or two. You know, a painting, a glass bowl.. I don’t know. And call me crazy, I especially don’t want a dead stranger’s stuff like a hand-me-down mattress. But now every time we are at our grandparent’s house we have to admire all the new stuff they got from dead ole so-and-so. I can’t take it anymore. I’ve found myself just staring at it in silence while they praise their beloved floral lamp with tassels oddly placed on it for the bargain price of $25!!!

Loki: Yes, I agree.. it’s a little unnerving. However, look at it from grandma’s point of view… that was her sister. So the dead old-so-and-so is not a stranger to her. It would be like me rummaging through your stuff after you die! Except I don’t think I would pay for any of it. I would expect it to be given to me. Well, anything good. (However, I hope your collection of materials are more valuable when you are in your 90's.) But if your Bella and Johnny Jo or say their future kids, Maggie and Markus are hard up for money, then perhaps I would purchase some of your possessions. I always try to borrow your clothes or jewelry (you are an old stingy hag).. so I would expect that I would still want to 50+ years from now. Although I hope I always have a better sense of style than my dear grandma… and not buy 5 different colors of tassels to put on my lamps. I do not want your underwear, bras or your back supports when you die…even if they are still in the “packaging.” We will just throw them in the estate sale for Blondie to buy.

Stella: First of all, it was Grandma's sister-in-law, who she said she didn't even like! So if I don't like you, I probably wouldn't like your stuff either. Whatever. And yes, I do hope that when I am 90 I do have something of value besides some clothes. If I can marry Sam Bradford, then I will just buy you some things while I'm still alive, and you won't have to wait until i'm dead for me to share. Also, I do not think Blondie will ever want anything of mine, especially personal items that we don't even want from other people. Except maybe my child. How would you feel if I left a will leaving Batman & Blondie my Bella instead of you & Big T? hahah. That was a cruel idea. I'd leave her to Mom before anyone. Don't respond to that... You'll just be hateful. And finally, I do not ever plan on naming any future children of mine Johnny Jo or Markus. I'm confused when you start naming off random names of people who don't exist. At least give my made-up children nice names. I just hope Sam Bradford likes the name Maggie...

Loki: Johnny Jo is Bella’s husband and they name their children Maggie and Markus.. duh. P.S. I didn’t want to jinx you and come up with names for you and Sammy's children. And I will not comment on the leaving of Bella to Blondie and Batman. I better be next after mom… that’s all I’m saying. (that was pretty cruel—even for you)

Stella: By the way, Grandma called back and was so mad that none of us wore panty hose or had a size 11 foot. She said we were just plain crazy. Also, when I'm 90, you will be 91.

Who in the world actually wears panty hose? Or maybe you know a woman who has an incredibly large foot in need of some shoes... let us know!