Nursing Education

Stella:I have the most precious 3 year old daughter in the world. What can I say? Like all moms, I think everything she does is extremely entertaining and wonderful. It is precious when she bounces her baby dolls and insists that we change their outfits from pajamas to "day clothes" every day. But ever since she has seen her Aunt Loki nurse her little baby cousin, she insists on nursing her baby dolls too. "That's so sweet" you might say. I mean, if you know anything about 3 year olds they love to mimic everything they see. But what about when they pretend to be pumping milk for their baby dolls? Doesn't that cross the line as a little bit weird? Are you supposed to look at her and say, "Aw, she's just imagining that she's pumping milk into that bottle she's holding underneath her shirt? That's precious!" No. I think that's strange. It's also creepy when she tries to lift up my shirt and nurse again because she wants to pretend TO BE the baby. So thanks Aunt Loki. I just hope my poor little Bella is not scarred for life. Loki: Well at least she doesn’t try to nurse me! Although one time I caught her sneaking down that way when I was holding her. I think it’s funny. I’m sure my child will do the same thing when she is 3 years old too. I thought I’ve always been covered up when I pump so I don’t know how she figured it out. It is complicated having to pump/breastfeed. I definitely think formula would be a lot easier. One time my nephew was over and wanted to help feed the baby. I said “Err.. Im not feeding her with a bottle. Sorry…” He asked how she ate then... I think I picked up a toy and tried to distract him, which worked for like 30 seconds. He saw the baby under my shirt and asked "What is she doing under there!!!". So at least Bella is educated.

Stella: Well, I can’t disagree with you there. It is my goal in life to share as much womanly education as possible with our little brother, The Man Child. But he is 19- not 3. He knows everything there is to know about pregnancy and breastfeeding. That way, he is prepared to deal with any woman and his future wife WILL THANK ME! Why do you think our sister-in-law, Blondie, has Batman (our other bro) eating out of her hands? ME!

Loki: Seriously? You are taking credit for Blondie and Batman? You didn’t train Blondie. She must have had some other training—because I surely didn’t see THE EX following you around like a puppy dog. NOR do I have Big T trained that way. Seriously, she must spike Batman’s coffee in the morning. It’s disgusting really. Or are you saying that you educated Batman to listen and give your wife WHATEVER she so desires?

Stella: That’s exactly what I’m saying. Why would I want to take credit for her behavior? No! I am saying the only reason she can get by with her behavior is because our brothers have seen ALL KINDS OF CRAZY thanks to ME! She can act however she wants and it will be nothing new to him. In fact, he might even appreciate her emotional mood swings a little more because he will think to himself, “thank God they are not as bad as my sister’s.” So I am owed much gratitude for my training and teachings. However, I did not teach those boys to be whipped puppy dogs. P.S. Please don’t refer to THE EX in any subsequent posts. The words alone make me want to vomit.


What do you think is precious? Your ex? Breastmilk? Training your brothers in the ways of the world?