Retail Hell

Stella: I didn't think I was going to survive... But I am here to tell you that I did.  Opening weekend at the new Outlets is officially OVER. Thank God. Whoever came up with this idea to open the new outlet mall THE SAME EXACT weekend as the annual "Tax Free Weekend" is N-U-T-S. They obviously sit in a nice big corporate office and have never worked retail a day in their life. In fact, someone should have been handing out shirts for living through the massive headache that retail workers all over the metro experienced this past weekend. The word "insane" doesn't even quite describe it. Maybe stupid does. It was just plain STUPID.

Now opening night wasn't all that bad. Most of the big corporations around town seemed to have purchased the 37,000 tickets that were sold for the pre-sale from 6-9 p.m. The only intimidating thing about that night was that I got thrown into working with all the girls from the other store and I was the only new one. I'm like, Hello! Where are all my 16 year old babies that are supposed to make me look good?! Well, it wasn't actually too hard as working a cash register isn't rocket science and the store was pretty busy, but NOTHING like Friday when tax free weekend started and the doors were open to the public.

For the next three days straight, I walked in to the store to find a line to the door and it did not stop for the next 8 hours. (Well, the line of crazy people continued, but I was lucky enough to escape after my 8 hour shift.) I had to go from NOT working for a year to working 36 hours in one weekend. O.M.G. I never thought I'd say that, but O.M.G. I need a break!!! Every morning there were lines waiting outside HOURS before we even opened the door. The interstate was backed up with people just trying to exit. Cars were jumping over the median and people were parking miles away. Someone got shot for cutting in line. (Ha. Okay, I'm exaggerating on that one.) Not to mention, employees were required to park across the street and shuttle over to the outlet. Now that alone could be an entire blog in itself. Talk about awkward. It was crazy and it was HOT and I did not like having other people's sweaty arms rub against me.

Now keep in mind that we are just some stupid little girl's clothing store. So can you imagine what the lines were like at other stores? Yes, I am here to confirm that the rumors are true. It took about 2 hours on average just to get inside the Coach store. Lord knows how long it took to check out after that. People in our lines waited an hour & a half to check out. And they made sure it was worth their while too. Hundreds & hundreds of dollars... tons & tons of merchandise. Our store was looking empty & bare by the end of Day 1. But oh no, that didn't stop the freaks from lining up outside the door on Day 2 or Day 3. Did I mention that Channel 5 showed up and was filming us working during this as if it wasn't stressful enough? My fabulous feet (and orange shirt) made their debut on television later that evening. I hope you were all tuned in to catch this momentous event.

By that time, the babies were there working too but I don't know any of their names and I never saw them because being the retail veteran that I am (okay, the old 27 year old lady) I was stuck on the registers the entire time. I would yell at them from time to time to go get me something or to do something and one time I saw them all standing together not doing ANYTHING at all and it made me so mad. I could have made them lists of things they should be doing. Stupid babies that have never had a job before and don't know how to do anything. I am officially old. It's happened and I know it.

I'd just like to say that I'm not only physically tired from being on my feet all day, but I'm also mentally drained. As you should know by now, I'm not used to having to hold a conversation with anyone other than my mother to whom I'm a total and completely honest beast most of the time and now all of a sudden I have to ham it up and put on a big ole smile for hundreds of thousands of people. I am MENTALLY exhausted. I found myself saying the same things over and over.... "Have you guys been to any other stores?" and "Are you getting ready for school?" were my biggest conversation starters. These were real gems and would send them chattering away at me. My mouth was so parched every day and all this cheese balling has turned my mind into mush. I am just a moving robot now. Ring up jeans. Take sensor tag off jeans. Fold jeans. Put jeans in bag. Ring up shirt. Take sensor off shirt. Fold shirt. Add to pile. Make small talk with the woman staring at me. Take her money. Say something stupid & sweet along the lines of  "...and I just need you to sign this receipt please. Thank you guys! Have fun shopping!" I hate people. Do you guys remember this?!

Eh. All in all the people weren't too bad though. Some complained about waiting but HELLO! You came on the first day we're open on tax free weekend, you idiot! That's what I wanted to say. But no, I didn't. I just smiled and did my robotic apology and make some dazzling comment about the lines at the other stores. I can be quite the actress. Most people never even know I hate them. Jokes, jokes. Anyhow, I've never seen moms drops loads of money on little girls like this, but I guess most of them were doing "back to school" shopping (that I forgot to mention only added to the chaos.)

By the end of the weekend, the store was a mess. We're busy trying to reset the visual and rework the tables to fill it up because everything is a wreck & it looks so empty...However, we just got in 5,000 pieces to be processed and put out so even though the people aren't as bad, there is still so much to do. (This is my retail jargon for you...) Except now the customers are snippity & more hateful. There are just some people out there who want to be mean to you just for the sake of it. Some people just want someone to gripe at! I can not help it that the shirt cost $7.90 on sale. That is a freakin bargain. Would you just buy it already and quit asking me the total after everything I scan? It's on the screen right in front of your fat face. Did I mention that today the credit card machine wasn't working so we had to manually write reciepts or call in the info? It was miserable. My patience is gone.

Plus I haven't even seen my friend that is now my boss or even gotten to talk to her for that matter. She has been too busy doing her own 'boss things' and I still don't know anyone's names except the original girls from the other stores (who have already friended me on facebook) so I guess at least THEY like me. And they've all figured out that my "legal name" at work is different than my "facebook name" which has led to many questions about me being married/divorced/single mom. Lovely. Another thing I am not used to divulging to anyone because most people that know me already know all of my business. At least they are in their 20's.

By now it's the end of the day and all I want to do is sit with Bella in my lap and have my feet rubbed or watch some tv. All of which I am too tired to do because I am exhausted and I have to get up and go to work again tomorrow so I've got to wrangle this child up and get her in bed too and then throw something together to wear tomorrow and figure out when I need to get ready/leave etc etc etc. So there you have it. A brief history of my first week at work. This, my friends, is why I am a firm believer that MEN are supposed to toil the earth.

P.S. Sorry for using the word hell in the title, but I found it to be an accurate term in this case.

Tell me what you'd say when squashed in between 2 strangers on a golf cart when it's 110 degrees outside and you're being shuttled to work. GO.