Hello, my name is Chubby.

Stella: There once was a family who was oh-so chubby... Including all of the children, the wife and the hubby. This family of chub just loved to eat sweets.... and breads and pastas and especially meats. After they gathered to take a photo for mother's annual Christmas card.... It was then decided that they all looked like a big, fat lard. How could this have happened? How could it be? No dieting, no exercising... doing nothing you see! And so they decided to play a little game... And the Biggest Loser diet happened to be its name. Now it's time for lunges, crunches, leglifts and more... Celery, carrots and hummus are such a bore!!! Who do you think will win? Who will last? We all know that Stella was the winner in the past.

Loki: So the time has come for the "Biggest Loser" family edition. Our goal is short... until Christmas. We are going to see who in the family can lose the most weight in a month. Hooray. After we saw ourselves in the family photos we decided it was time to do something about it. (that or the fact that our pants are too tight). Or maybe that is just my reasonings. I failed in the attempt to not look fat in the family photos and I am hoping the one chosen for the Christmas cards can just be of those beautiful babies. Yes? Ah well. I gorged myself this weekend and am now ready to starve. I would also like to mention that my husband has already given me my Christmas present. Who cares that it isnt even December yet!! He has the inability to buy a present and then wait for the day to come. He does this with my birthday too. I always know when he went shopping for me because I never have to wait to get it. He usually gives it to me right when he gets home. I am surprised he was able to wait until we were on vacation to propose to me because he apparently bought the ring 3 months earlier. Anyway, he got me an XBOX Kinect. I am super excited. I will win this competition for sure.

Stella: Yes, the contest will be short since we all lack the stamina to do anything over a long period of time. Although maybe we could do several rounds if this one is successful. We should also mention that TMC is not participating. He has a tattoo now, you know. Apparently this makes him way more attractive than the rest of us. (Well and he'll be working doubles- although I think that would give him an advantage considering it's manual labor but whatever.) I should also mention that Loki gets very drousy after working out. I had to jump on her & ride her like a horse to try to get her to wake back up. I am the opposite. I get energy & way too much of it after I work out. That's why I am go-go-go or nothing at all. Although I lost motivation around 4 p.m. yesterday after my brain quit working due to lack of carbs. I decided in those few critical moments that I would not participate in the no-carb diet Bess is doing and quickly shoveled a bowl of cereal down my mouth. Now I can function again.

Loki: I got drousy because my body was lacking food. It is used to being supplied with an abundance of carbs and things that make your body work. I had used up all my energy running up down that giant hill. I was so tired and so hungry when I got home later that night that I downed a couple of cups of coffee. (Yeah, yeah, Bess said to drink green tea, but coffee sounded better.) And my energy level still did not go up. I was ready for bed by 9 pm. Today I got up and was able to work out on the Kinect for about an hour...and then another hour or so of cleaning... and I am already sick of lettuce. This is how diets always go though... it takes a while to get used to it. Please make up more rhymes about our chubby family.. I find it entertaining. I watched some of BridalPlasty last night and one of the girls from the Biggest Loser was on there...competing to get plastic surgery because she had so much excess skin after losing so much weight. It's a rather odd show girls competing to get a "wish list" of surgeries before getting married. The groom doesnt see them for 4 months until their wedding day when she walks down the aisle with a brand new face. Some of those girls were skinny minny's and the plastic surgeon still wanted to lipo out the fat in their thighs. It is ridiculous. I think people always want to be skinnier... or everyone has their own insecurities... I would just like to minimize some of mine.

Stella: Yes, I refuse to watch that show. It looks RIDICULOUS! You know what else looks ridiculous? Loki trying to do pilates. The Man Child even sat on the couch just to watch Loki try to participate in our pilates session yesterday. It was a pretty pathetic attempt, but definitely entertaining. I also wanted to point out that no matter what we are talking about on here, TMC's name will pop up. I mean, he makes the blog a lot. He should feel special. And while we are on the subject, I tried to convince him to wear some jorts to the Eclipse party. He refused. I suggested that I could spray tan his bod & draw on a 6 pack. Then with the tattoo & jorts he could look like one of the wolf pack. Maybe with some help from the fans we could convince him to look ridiculous for our entertainment....

Loki: I have no core strength. It has vanished...I am attempting to get it back. Please do not make fun of me while I am working out.. At least I am working out, yes? I hated that dumb lady on the pilates dvd and her dumb swimsuit work out gear. I would rather stare at fat people that way I can feel better about myself. Can I just mention that my dog got sick yesterday while I wasn't home..and now I cannot get the smell out of my carpet. Ugh. I have not had to deal with dog crap since he was a puppy 4 years ago... I am seriously contemplating throwing my rug out. Any suggestions on how to get this smell out? Gross. You do talk about TMC a lot but I think that is because you live with him and so he is around a lot. He should feel pleased. We don't talk about everyone on here.. and let's face it, this blog is the epitomy of fame.

Who do you like to work out with? Alone? With family? Watching models or Fat people?

Lady of Leisure

Loki: I was left out of the family Thanksgiving weekend movie seeing venture... As usual. Stella was nice enough to call to say (or text...since she doesn't like talking on the phone) that her and Bella, NanaBess, Blondie and Gma Mod were all headed to the new animated film Tangled and to see if I wanted to join. I wanted to go....but that would require me to drive 30 minutes to drop off Baby Blue and then back to the movie theater, which is another 20 minutes away.. All to see a kid's movie. It just didn't seem right to me. I didn't want to drop off my kid just to go watch a kid movie. Ya, ya.. I know she is too young to go to the movie theaters and that's fine. I get it. I will have to be excluded in these adventures until Baby Blue is old enough to participate... Although by that time perhaps I will have another little baby to hold me back.

Can I also mention that the MIL asked me what I was doing now that I was a "lady of leisure." Ahem... I am not a lady of leisure... I am busy being a mom. Hello! Not to mention that my husband is literally gone from 7 am to 8 pm at night. He is busy doing his Christmas lighting adventure when he is not working and I am feeling more and more like a full time single mom. Whew. No need to mention how easy my child is... she is ... but she is still a baby and still in need of constant attention and care. I love it... I absolutely love it, but I am getting pressured into buckling down and finding that job. I just would rather not.

Stella: If you have another baby then that will be fine with me. We'll just take Blue & leave you at home with Little T. hahah. I can see us now galavanting off to Disney World & leaving you at home in your sweat pants. Also, I just want to point out that I can't help it that you waited until years had passed after Bella's birth to have your own child. I also can't help it that you moved 5,000 miles away from us & you hate having to drive everywhere. One last thing, I can't help that you don't like Disney movies. I LOVE THEM! Tangled was super duper cute by the way. (but the 3D part was unnecessary, which also made it way too expensive. ) But I will definitely be buying it when it comes out on dvd to add to Bella & mine's Disney collection. I also got her a Rapunzel Barbie for Christmas... and had to practice a lot of self-control to not give it to her early... Speaking of early, Nana Bess & I got up to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. We have never participated in the Black Friday shopping experience.. and we both concurred that we would do it again. Were you upset that you weren't invited to that too? At least I invited you out today to join in our on workouts that we have planned.

Now on to your second paragraph Mrs. Lady of Leisure. I don't quite think you can call yourself a "single parent." Just because Big T skips out on a few diaper changes or applesauce feedings does not qualify you as a single parent.

Loki: Oh goodness...calm down. I just meant that I was starting to feel like one. I will not get into the details of the missing of Big T. It is really hard to concentrate when you are taking pictures of me "working" on the blog but then telling me to "look thin". What is that? Please stop talking to me and reading everything I write. We just went on a nice jog out in the cold. My nose is a running. We came home to find Nana walking on the treadmill.... with her singing along to her ipod. Let me tell you how funny that was to hear Nana sing while huffing and puffing to no music at all. Her voice was rather low ...much lower than her church voice. haha

Stella: It sounded like TMC was singing. Yes, it was a lovely run for the ladies of leisure. I can't believe Loki was able to sacrifice THAT MUCH TIME without her Baby Blue and actually leave the house. I think we should change our names from 'The Bantering Sisters' to the 'Ladies of Leisure'... Wow. It is hard to write things with someone breathing down your neck. Talk about pressure. I will just tell you that after listening to you whine and talk and gripe about your personal problems, I have come up with a solution... Which is to just have another baby & move closer. Ta da! I'm brillant I know.

Loki: We will for sure be moving closer at some point. I am regretting that house already... It was a good compromise for Big T and I at the time, but I think it was a compromise neither one of us liked. We will just argue about the two different cities when we move next time anyway. Anyway, enough of my "problems." They are really silly problems to have and I shouldn't be so complainy... Is that a word? I shall make it one. Let me get a little cheesy schmeesy right now.. I am truly blessed and very lucky to have so much family around. I forget that not everyone has such a support system as I do and have always had. When Big T complains about the holidays and what that means about running around to all the different homes... I have to remind him that it is certainly not a bad problem to have. There now I will have officially made Stella puke. Maybe she will start the blog topic next time. haha (Can I also mention that I am super excited about the party on Saturday!! There's gonna be some great decor by Stella ...)

What do you want to talk about today?

Twilight Hoopla

Loki: This past Sunday at church the image of the hand & apple from Twilight was displayed as the backdrop to the lesson notes. The subject matter was concerning the media so we were pretty sure that the preacher was going to address the subject of the Twilight novels. Well, half of the sermon went by as I waited anxiously to see what he was going to say. I kept wishing that my Gma Modern was in there (instead of working in the nursery with the rest of the fam.) She would have been freaking out too. (Please note that at the mere mention of anything Twilight related gets Gma Modern excited...Hmm.. wonder where I got it!) Then he finally brings up the topic after much anticipation only to reveal that he has never read the books or seen the movies- so this is just speculation. He discussed the negative aspects of reading or watching anything that is worldly. He also mentioned that you need to know the origin of information before reading anything so that you know where the author is coming from & what their view is. That's when he brought up the fact that Stephenie Meyer is mormon... so he went into a definition of Mormons and what they believe... But I don't think this is a good argument for me to not want to read the books. Twilight has no mormon theme to it. It is FICTION. I don't think that vampires even exist nor do I think they could possibly bite me and turn me into an immortal. I am not holding out waiting for my Edward to show up... Although it would be nice to meet him! haha I think his argument was a little lame and he should have made some other points... Twilight does not offend me... or my grandma. :)

Stella: Yes, I felt no conviction about reading the books after listening to the sermon. Although I don't read them on a daily basis like some. haha. There is more than one of you out there! I'm also not 9 years old & I know where eternal life comes from. So there. I think you just wanted to talk about Twilight again. It has been awhile...

Loki: Well duh , It gives me a chance to speak about Twilight without you freaking out. I just liked how I could hear everyone in the church murmer once he started saying "Twilight." Curls was sitting right behind us and I turned around to give her a knowing look... haha Doesn't he know how strong Twi-hards think!

Stella: I don't freak out when Twilight is mentioned. In fact, it is quite the opposite. You are the one that freaks out. We have already established that when you & I discuss such things you always end up getting offended & upset because we do not agree. Therefore, I like to avoid such confrontation and hostility. But while we're at it, don't forget December 4th is the release of the movie Eclipse! Whose house should we go to for our movie party?Oh good, Bess has just volunteered to host the festivities. All Banter fans are welcome to come attend!!! (Even you, Eyes of Blue... Dimples (although I don't see you ever reading the books)... or other fans who don't tend to regularly comment!) Although we'll probably be dieting by then (being the week after Thanksgiving) so we'll have to come up with some creative snacks. I'm actually already looking forward to the snacks more than the movie. I was not such a fan of this particular film. The reason: The music. I am a big fan of the Twilight soundtracks. And I really like the Eclipse soundtrack, but you don't get to hear hardly any of the songs throughout the movie (like you do in New Moon.) So that's what disappointed me. Although half the people I have talked to disliked this part of New Moon so they were happy that Eclipse was back to having awkward moments & pauses like in Twilight without any background noise. I just wish all of the movies would have the same director at least... I bet Breaking Dawn will look & sound different anyway- since all of the movies have yet again another director.

Now... let's talk about the good parts of Eclipse... the leg hitch... the tent scene...

Loki: I didnt know you were a fan of the leg hitch! haha I love it. I can't wait to watch the movie again! I am getting excited already. I love Eclipse! It is my favorite movie by far.... It actually looks like a "real" movie. I don't get bothered about what music is in the movie or not. I don't think you should be paying attention to what songs are playing in the movie... OH and I would like to mention that I was watching Oprah (what a cliche I am!) and she said JORTS. It was hilarious. I will have to check LTT (the Twi website we read) to see if they heard it too! I haven't been checking their site regularly, but I did see some skimpy bikini pictures of KStew and Rob filming the next movie. Woot Woot. I must admit that Taylor does look better half nekkid but Rob is still yummy. mahahah. Gma Mod told me they are officially engaged....but I think that is probably a made up rumor as I have heard that for the last 2 years.

Let's just do the same snacks we did last year. They are diet friendly (more hummus and pita chips.. haha) Either way... we will be watching the movie. I love how this started talking about a church sermon and now we are discussing our Twilight Party.

Stella: Why was Oprah talking about jorts? How could you not love New Moon when there were so many funny lines in the movie... "They're NOT bears!" "Where for art thou Bella?" "You're sort of beautiful..." and "You gotta get that protein in there!" and not to mention a whole lot of other good stuff like big buff Jacob in the rain & fixing motorcycles like a real man. And I did see the "honeymoon" pics of the filming of Breaking Dawn on LTT... Eww.. That white bikini was pretty raunchy! So is this picture of Rob... hahaha.

Loki: "Aw, Beller is alive!" I love the guy that plays Aro. I am so excited about Breaking Dawn... I am anxious and really nervous. It was my favortie book so hopefully the movie(s) will be my favorite as well. The material is crazy and I just hope the movie doesnt come out looking like a sci-fi movie. (By the way, Oprah was talking about Jean- Shorts.. and then she said you know Jorts. She wasn't actually making a reference to Twilight. It just thought it was funny.)

Stella: Rob was in People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive edition. I actually bought it at the store the other day (using my life savings for the dumb $4 magazine just so I could gawk at some men.) I would tear the picture out for Gma Mod, but she already has a whole calendar full of pictures of him :) Hehe. Just wanted to throw that in there somewhere because I think it is funny. I also think we should buy one of the Twilight games to play. We'd have to put you & Gma Mod on opposite teams though (seeing as how you two have probably read the book the most.)

Here's a link to a website written by 2 Twi-hards if you've got time (that Loki refers to often as LTT.) They are pretty entertaining "writing letters" to the cast/director/fans of all things Twilight: http://letterstotwilight.com/

And don't forget!

Eclipse Watch Party...

Saturday Dec 4th @ 2 @ Nana Bess's casa

Favorite Things

Stella: Do you ever use those 'Biore nose strips' to pull out the black heads on your nose? Wow. Nothing makes me feel more disgusting than peeling off one of those suckers. But I really like to use them! They are one of my new favorite things. If I were Oprah, I would hand them all out to you to use & try for yourself. Although my list of favorite things would probably not include high-end items like ugg boots or Coach purses. Hmm.. What would be on your list of 10 favorite things? As a frequent painter of an impatient 4 year old girl's nails, using a nailpolish that dries fast is a huge must! So I'm a big fan of Salli Hansen's 'Insta-Dry' nailpolish. Although making Bella sit there being still and not touching anything is a great way to teach her patience... But little kids can only sit still for so long (what do they say? Like a minute for how old they are for time outs? So that's only about 4 minutes to get those nails filed & painted & have them dry.) But I personally like to use 'OPI' nailpolish for myself... Mostly because I like the names of the colors.... such as "Lincoln Park After Dark," "I'm not Really a Waitress" or "I'm Suzi and I'm a Chocoholic." Let's see.. what else do I enjoy? My two favorite scents at the moment are from Bath & Body Works (go figure!) 'Dark Kiss' & 'Twilight Woods.' Blondie bought me some 'Twilight Woods' lotion last year for Christmas & I have been using it ever since. I like both scents because they are pretty strong & you can actually smell them on you. Loki used to yell at me from her desk whenever I'd put some on because she would instantly be able to smell it. Loki: My favorite things? I haven't been into things lately, but I love me some good sweat pants. I also bought 2 maternity t-shirts from Old Navy, (when I was pregnant and needed them,) but they are still the most comfortable shirts I own. I like to wear them... and one has several holes in it. (Bess tried to throw it away the other day. Big T was encouraging her too, but I wouldn't let them.) But I love them. I don't care if I look like a sack. Those Boyfriend t-shirts from Target are really good too. I wear them alot... and those you can actually wear out in public. I am all about comfort nowadays! I'm in love with this new hair stuff too. It's 'Catwalk, Curls rock, Curls Booster.' It gives my hair the "boost" it needs and doesn't leave my hair crunchy. I hate crunchy looking curls. Stella used to use the 'Catwalk Curls Serum' back when she had curly hair just to help her get a brush through it. haha. I also love Moroccan Oil, which my hairdresser talked me into buying. I like it, but probably not for the $30 I spent on it. (This was back when I had a job of course!) I also recently found this new wine called "Barefoot." It is really good and cheap! I even bought some for Bess for her birthday! I've also been on a hummus kick... Try "Sabra Hummus." We just tried the Spinach & Artichoke Hummus flavor. Superb. Also, I use "Stacy's Pita Chips" with my hummus- it goes great together. *On a side note, do you think it is okay for this baby to play with tampons? (clean ones of course.) Oh, oops.. she got it out of the wrapper.
Stella: I'm all about comfort too. I love the boyfriend pants from Victoria's Secret & the boyfriend t-shirts from Target too. The pants from V.S. you can cut to the exact length you want, which I think is great for me as a shorter person & Bess thinks is great as well, as a rather tall person. (Although you do have to convince yourself that it is okay to spend $40 on sweatpants.) The t-shirts on the other hand are just comfortable v-necks that only cost $8 (sometimes $6 if you wait until it's a sale week for them.) I think I own almost every color... And even though they are short-sleeved you can throw a thermal longsleeve tee underneath & voila. You can dress like me.I have a huge obsession with playing the new Just Dance 2 game on the Wii. (No one EVER plays with me- except Bella for a few songs- so I mostly play by myself. But it is still great FUN!) If I were into snazzy new technology I might have something to say about the new Xbox kinect games that you don't have to use a remote with, but I'm not. So let's just say- I love this game.
Loki: I have been watching Oprah's favorite things the last couple of days and I thought that she used to introduce new things that we could actually maybe buy. It has been all about how much and how much money she can give away. I cant afford a cashmere sweat suit or a new car. Not to mention the cruise and diamond earrings she gave as well. I guess when you are Oprah these are the same things as hummus and biore strips.

Stella: The last thing I have to add in that I like, which is.... Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things! Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes, silver white winters that melt into spring... these are a few of my favorite things! When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad... I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad! Another favorite thing- The Sound of Music on dvd.

What are 10 of your favorite things?

Labor Day

Stella: Every woman who has ever birthed a child wants to tell you their labor story when you are pregnant... You get used to it just like you do waddling around without being able to see your toes or your legs when you're trying to shave them. But I thought this was one of the most annoying things about being pregnant! It didn't bother me if people wanted to touch my belly or talk to it... I just did not care to hear about what had happened to 'so & so'... or even 'so & so's friend.' (Even more annoyingly, I got to hear much more unnecessary information as a "single mom" because everyone has at least one friend with some sort of baby daddy/baby momma drama that they felt inclined to share with me.)

But once you push that little sucker out of your body, you will find that you want to tell the whole world about how it happened!!! This is because you discover that after that experience, you are indeed Super Woman. No other woman is as powerful as you... No one else could have suffered as much pain & gone through so much turmoil as you... And this is quite true. So even though I hated hearing about what happened to everyone else, I have caught the "labor story disease" as well and cannot help but want to discuss what horrific pain I experienced...

Loki: Oh I agree! I definitely find other labor stories fascinating. I always want to know what else happened.. Surely, this same thing has happened to someone else I say! Although I don't want to discuss the pain of pushing a baby out or the fear of pooping while pushing because I didn't experience that, nor will I ever now since I had a C-section. I didn't have a "birth plan" because everyone always said how they never work out because things always go wrong or differently. But I didn't even read about c-sections... or consider that it would happen to me. But... IT DID.

Stella: Yes, no one ever told me about back labor either! I actually went into labor on my actual due date. Pretty neat, huh? I started getting little tiny contractions around noon... So my mom & I went for a walk at the park to help move things along around 3 when they were getting to be more regular. They got to the point it was getting hard to walk so we headed home. I tried to sit around & relax (and get some rest for the big night ahead,) but that was pretty impossible to do... Especially in between contractions. I remember "She's All That" was on tv, but I could not concentrate on it at all... Eventually the contractions became extremely painful & were coming really close together. My dad & brothers would even come in the room to watch. How nice of them. It was at the point where you have to breath real heavy & deep to make it through them (although it's nothing like on tv) and I wanted to hit them both for standing there gawking at me. We left for the hospital around midnight (my mom, dad, and Batman. Oh and the Baby Daddy actually made it there for this event.) Everyone thought I was gonna put on a good show or something & freak out & be the meanest person known to mankind. Sorry to disappoint, but I don't think I did or said anything rude or hateful while in labor. I have a pretty amazing capability at remaining calm in stressful situations. (Unlike drama queen Loki, who did show up at the hospital in the middle of the night while I was in labor.) The only complaint I have about my birthing experience is that the nurse that was on call that night was HORRIBLE. She did not know what she was doing. She would come in & check me in the middle of a contraction! (However, every nurse I had after that was wonderful. I don't even know where this woman came from!) But until I got some medicine from the idiot woman who had no idea what she was doing, I had horrible back pains along with my contractions and NOTHING helped. I think I ended up turning into a sad, whimpering puppy until my mom went to order the nurse to get my epidural ready NOW! (As the dr. will tell you that you can have your epidural whenever you want. But since mine was at home snoozing in bed we had to be pretty forceful with the crazy nurse.)
When I got the hospital at midnight, I was only dialated a 2-3... I didn't officially get my epidural until 5 a.m... My dad & Batman tried to sleep out in the car during this time. They'd periodically come in to look at me lying there crumbled up in misery (And to scoff at the contraction readings on the machine.. "Oh those aren't very big or strong" my dad even remarked. GRRR) They ended up leaving to go home to sleep in their own beds before I was "officially admitted" into a room myself.. At last, the wonders of modern medicine. Anyone who forgoes such things is CRAZY! I was so happy to have that needle shoved into my back. (Saucy, Do not listen to anything Loki says about them as she never had painful contractions & is a spazoid!) After the epidural, I just layed back & waited until it was time to push. Wonderful. Once they said it was time to push, it took about 30 min. (Which surprised me because no one had ever told me this is how long it usually takes... On tv it only takes 2 seconds/one push. haha.) I had a nice big audience for the event: my mom, Loki, cousin Play Girl, the Baby Daddy & his mother. People often comment on how they were surprised so many people came in my room during the delivery since I used to be such a modest little thing. But I didn't really mind who was there. I would've probably invited Choc Chip or Gma Mod to come inside if they had wanted too. haha. I actually think Loki & PlayGirl were scarred for a little bit after witnessing a real life birth (since I was the first little mother out of our family & my friends. And not to mention, PlayGirl accidentally turned around & saw the placenta as well.. Whoops. Sorry!) And there you have it. 22 hours later.... (But only about 5 hours of intense pain.) Little Bella was born at 10:14 a.m.. Gush, gush, gush!

Loki: One week before my due date I was sitting at work when I started getting contractions. I was pretty excited as I was insanely tired of being pregnant and being as big as a house. I didn't start timing them immediately, but noticed they kept on... Eventually I started timing them, and lo and behold, they were 5-6 minutes apart. I called Bess and she met me at my work to leave early... (obviously, I did not get fired that day for leaving early!)We went to the park to go walk & after an hour I still had consistant contractions. (I was always real paranoid that I would be the pregnant girl who keeps showing up at the hospital that they send back home over & over.) So I planned on waiting until they got more intense and were 4 minutes apart. I went home that day and continued timing. Everyone was on alert. I kept getting text messages from Stella and Bess, who were ready to meet me at the hospital at a moment's notice. But after about 14 hours of contractions....They slowly just stopped. All for NOTHING! I didnt realize false labor could last so long and so consistant.

Stella: However, you should noticed at the time that the intensity was not increasing... the pain stayed the same throughout the day... This indicates false labor. Real contractions will continually be stronger & harder. Thank you little helper Stella for that tidbit of information. You're welcome! Always glad to correct you.
Loki: So then my due date came and went. I was only dialated to a one when my dr scheduled an induction. I was really nervous about being induced because I knew there was a bigger chance of ending in a C-section, and I did NOT want a C-Section. So on Feb 15th... Big T and I headed to the hospital at 8:00 pm. This big lady nurse came in and inserted a cervadil patch. (this is a strip that this big handed lady had to place on my cervix.) We had to wait 2 hours to make sure this would work.... So then at about 1:00 am they came back in my room. This patch made me have contractions... It should've been taken out earlier, but there were some other pregnant girls coming in ready to deliver. I had to wait until 5:00am and then they came in to hook up the pitocin. They start this stuff on a low dosage and every few hours come back and increase the intensity. I layed there with an IV in my arm on top of a baby monitor and another monitor on your belly that is constantly beeping in your ear. Everytime I moved the stupid thing would quit registering the baby's heartbeat. Big T was there pacing back & forth in boredom... I was having constitant contractions, but they were just annoying at this point and not so painful. The antestisiologist came in and he had to leave to go to a birthday party or something and wanted to know if I wanted the epidural. I didn't know!! I've never had a baby before... But I wasn't in that much pain. But I didn't want to miss out on it and everyone kept telling me it would be so wonderful and to go ahead and get it...so I did. This big fat needle is inserted in your back. You can feel the warmth go all over your body and then you start to get tingly limbs. I DID NOT LIKE IT. I could no longer feel any part of my lower body. From this point on, I was in an hightend state of anxiety. Every so often the medicine would not be as strong and I was start to feel pain (pitocin drip still in, still increasing...) which i liked because it meant I could feel my legs and Bess could break from rubbing my feet.

Stella: Okay, Momma... You are getting a little long winded. Let's get to the action. (I usually have to speed up the story process with Bess as well.. who is known for sharing the most insignificant details.) Do you see how I summarized my story into 2 short paragraphs? By the way, Loki was freaking out like a crazy person about her feet. She was seriously crying & having fits because she did not like the way the medicine made her feel. I found this to be both amusing & annoying at the same time.


Loki: Yes, yes, sorry! Anyway fast forward until 7:00pm... I am still only dialated to a one... I'm worn out and tired and think that I just can't do this anymore!! I agreed to a C-Section. It was really scary. I was crying and felt sick. I had not eaten all day plus with all the drugs... made me vomit. You still feel pressure though. This "pressure" feels like some big fat man is doing a jig on your belly. All I could do was ball my hands into fists and hope that this would be over soon. Finally, they pull her out and I see a scrunched up, red, screaming baby. More tears. I was given some more drugs which effectively knocked me out. It was a horrible experience... but the results are well worth it. I would do it again tomorrow.... but let's make the next time a little less dramatic.. eh? Probably not.

Stella: You forgot to mention how after you saw your daughter's face for the very first time you threw up. Hahah. I don't know why I think that is so funny. I loved staying at the hospital. I would like to go back... Lots of attention & visitors. It's like a fun party! Except then you go home with a crying baby that won't go to sleep all night long or nurse correctly and no one is there to help you anymore. Way to end on a cheerful note, Stella! No.. really... I'd do it all again tomorrow too. (That's what every mom says, right? The ones who don't are shunned by society...)

Alright mothers! It's your turn! Dish out your best labor story

Intervention

Stella: I think we need to arrange an intervention for our father, aka The Computer Man (me & the Man Child came up with this name for him, although I'm not sure why we didn't think of something more creative...) He has seriously not left the computer chair for the past 2 days. As we speak I am sitting on the floor with my laptop because he does not leave the computer's side. It is as if they have become fused together into one person. One gigantic being. The Computer Man. The scary thing is that we are all unsure of what he is doing on there. Like Big T, he's got himself some big ideas on advertisting for his new company and we aren't allowed to say anything negative to him for fear of disturbing the peace. So there he sits... day and night... night and day. The computer does not allow him to go more than 5 feet from it so it is convenient that both a toilet and kitchen are within this range. However, its powers pull him back after being gone for more than 2 minutes... Yesterday he only emerged a few times. I'm not even sure if he made it into the bed to sleep.

Loki: He was working on a marketing email. He sent it to me to see what I thought. He had some missed spelled words in there... but all in all it looked good. He is very excited. Now mom can feel my pain. All I hear about now days... is travel or lights. I called the house to talk to you or mom and he answered. We chatted...about his business trip and his new marketing ploy. He told me I needed to go on a trip. Umm I dont have a job dad... doubt I could afford to go on vacation. Hello!

Sigh. Be thankful that Big T already had his own thing going, otherwise they would be joined at the hip. Although I think in the back of his mind he is waiting for some free time to join dad. Oh please help me. I nominate both of them for interventions. Big T is never home anymore.

Stella: Why would he send YOU something to correct?!?! I would almost feel insulted but you just said 'missed spelled' instead of 'misspelled' which pretty much makes my point for me. Haha!!!! Oh my. That will seriously be the highlight of my day....

He must know we all think he's crazy around here.. He keeps going outside and in his bedroom to make phone calls. I just hope these are real people he's talking to...


Loki: Bahaha? Isn't it really 'mispelled' anyway? Sorry I was typing with a munchkin on my lap and I am not used to typing on here without the automatic spelling check. He wasn't looking for grammar lessons.. and I am sure he knows how much you hate his ambition. Ambition.... I am currently reading "The Virgin's Lover" and it is all about people having ambition. You know to reach the throne. It makes me wonder what we would be like back in those times. We would be the poor peasants I am sure. However, our father and his ambitions might take us to court... where we could be maids in waiting to the Queen. How exciting, eh? I know I know you have no idea what I am talking about... so read up.

Stella: No. I am quite confident that it is 'misspelled.' And you'll be glad to know that it is a commonly misspelled word. Bahaha. If only Uncle Don't Throw the Wrapping Paper at Christmas read our blog... Then we might have a good laugh about you and your poor English skills. Oh no, not "The Virgin's Lover" again?! There is no way this can be a good book. Who even wrote it? Danielle Steel? Is is rated XXX? Did you know our father even passed up GOLFING to stay at home on the computer? Its force is very powerful. We need to INTERVENE! Mother has given up on even speaking of such matters.


Loki: It is written by Phillippa Gregory,and it is part of the series of "The Other Boleyn Girl." It is not XXX rated, and it is rather good. I am just out of new books and so I am re-reading some of my old ones. Speaking of books, I would like to recommend "The Hunger Games" series. It is supposed to be the new "Twilight" although I dont think that it will reach such status. Don't worry it is not another vampire series, but it is sort of futuristic. Bess and TMC liked them as well. You should read them so you can participate in our family discussions of books. Speaking of family discussions, we are having one right now with Batman ... he seems to think that this here blog is "gossipy and childish". I don't know where he comes up with such things. I think maybe he read the OIL blog but is pretending that he doesnt know anything. Oh, he is annoying us both.

Stella: I just don't like being called a gossip. I think if you are talking about your own family then that is not gossip. But who knows. Perhaps telling the world my dad is stuck to the computer is gossip.... He also told us our blog was childish.
Nice ice for sale. Ten cents a pail.

Expiration Date

Loki: Oh no. Stella had just written an entire blog about her disgust for expired milk. (Gross right?) But it somehow got twisted around into talking about farts and other smelly things coming out of the fridge. (You thought I was going to say bottoms, didn't you?) Anyway, I was typing to add more on to that subject when Baby Blue crawled up to me and reached up... hitting a button that effectively deleted the whole thing. Whoops. There's no way I can recreate the blog we were working on... I guess this is what happens when you blog at home with a baby. Perhaps it is my punishment for spending all my free time on the computer blogging instead of finding a job. Anyhow, earlier today Blue & I were jamming out when we suddently heard a knock on the door. (I always ignore knocks on my door. If it is someone I know then they would have called first... or will call if I don't answer the door.) If anyone does happen to show up at my door then I just pretend to be napping or taking a shower so I don't have to answer the door. However, today as I said before there was loud music playing...so it was obvious that I am home. I thought I could just ignore it and act like I just couldn't hear the door over the music. Well, the knocking continues to the point that they knock the door open. Well, that was rude! So I say, "Excuse me!" I think someone is about to barge in my house (even though at this point I think it is probably my mother in law.) Who else just barges into someone's home? Turns out it was the gas man. See how funny this was when we were already talking about gas? Anyway, now there are strange men in my back yard fiddling with the gas. I guess they had to turn off the gas and have been asking me silly questions that I don't know the answer to. I don't know if my oven ignition is electic or gas? I guess I won't try and cook or take a shower until they leave. Until then I am hiding out in this room.

Stella: Oh my. The previous post was much better than this.

Loki: Sorry! Perhaps you would like to know that another time Baby Blue and I were jamming out...the toilet overflowed. So bad that there was water seeping into my bedroom and her bedroom. I had to use every towel in the house to soak up the water... and I put the baby in a hamper so she couldnt get in the water and play. It is amazing the circumstances I get myself in now that I am home all the time. Oh and on the job front...because I know you are all so interested....I applied to 5 different places on craigslist and 2 have already responded and are scams. Did you know people are now also using the job market to scam people. If I were a crook I wouldn't think that the unemployed would be the wealthiest people to rob... just saying.

Stella: Maybe you & the baby should stop "jamming out." Just a suggestion. Then you could do more productive things... Like clean out your laundry room. Hint hint. (It pains me to even glance in its direction.) I don't have anything interesting to say now that you've deleted my insightful and thoughtful discussion on expiration dates... The most I can offer to you is that I'm going to get my hair cut today. Bella is playing with her Lite Brite. And I watched another 3 movies I've never seen before. Oh and last night Bella vomitted in bed and I had to rinse out a huge pile of puke from my sheets. As well as off of my body. My self-esteem is just booming right now.

Loki: Ugh thats my worst nightmare. Puke. The laundry room isnt that bad... seriously. I just did all the laundry in my house... you are just thinking of my old house. I did just clean out the computer room, you would be impressed. Gee we are so entertaining now that we lost our highly entertaining jobs. Do you think I should let Baby Blue crawl on the computer desk while I type this? Probably not but she is happy.

Stella: I should teach my daughter where the delete button so she can "accidentally" get rid of this nonsense. The laundry room was atrocious. I saw it on Monday.

Loki: Ahh the never ending scolding for my cleanliness. Obvioulsy the previous post would have been better... but I did the best I could. Now that the baby is napping I shall go try on clothes for our family photos this weekend. Would you like to also know what I am cooking for dinner this week? I just made a pork loin last night with some broccoli... you know I was watching Rachel Ray (even though she really annoys me how she giggles all the time) ...anyway I had the recipe already so I went ahead and made it. Also I cant decide what to wear for our photos... either my new snazzy black outfit... or the purple shirt. Decisions decisions. I have a feeling that I would look best in the purple. I just want to look better than anyone. Well not really... I just dont want to look fat. Thats my goal, Not to look fat. I must go and practice my leaning in to appear thinner. (gma mod told us about this) Or perhaps I should jump on this elliptical behind me that has been collecting dust. Yes thats what I will do.
(Stella told me to ramble so much it would bore all of you to tears... did it work?)

Whats the one room in your house that needs a good cleaning?

OIL Spill

Stella: Having other-in-laws (OIL) can be just as weird/annoying as MILs. Having a sister-in-law (SIL) especially confuses me.... because I already grew up with a sister so I know all the unspoken rules of a sisterly relationship. For example, with your real flesh & blood sister (FBS) you can pretty much say anything you want to.... because you two already established how you fight and make-up many, many years ago. So in expressing your honest opinion to your FBS you are pretty confident that she won't take offense to what you've said (because she knows how you are or what you really mean....) or just that eventually she'll get over it and forgive you (because SHE has to! Or at least that's what your mother always said.) On the other hand, you still have to walk on egg shells with your SIL. Especially if they didn't grow up learning the codes of brother/sisterhood within their own family. Plus, they could be way more sensitive than your FBS...

Loki: Don't worry the SIL we share doesn't read the blog... She told me that she doesn't need to because "she already knows everything!" (I guess this means we don't say anything of interest to her?) Oh well. Of course, at the mere mention of Blondie's name, TMC will surely run and tattle... (The Man Child, for those of you who are having trouble keeping up with all of the acronyms on this post.) It's strange for me having a brother who listens in on his FBS's conversations and then states that he likes his SIL better than his FBS.

I am not really around my other SILs a lot...but I used to live next door to one of my SILs. I don't think we ever fought or had any problems. Of course, that SIL is the most laid back person you will ever meet... and I can be pretty laid back myself so we get along grandly... Now the BIL is another story! Yes, we got along fine but you have to realize that everyone comes from a different family dynamic. Their values are different and not everyone was raised as we were. I was happy to move from the house that was ajoined with my OIL because I was tired of having drunk brothers in my house or next door. Those two boys could put down more rum than anyone I know. Big T used to keep a gun by his bedside and I was always afraid Drunky, (Big T's brother,) would come in the house in the middle of the night for some bonding time or just because he was confused at which house was his and Big T would shoot him. Please note that Big T always tells me if a robber breaks into my house I am to SHOOT TO KILL. It's rather ridiculous. Anyway, I have a rather odd relationship with my SIL Blondie myself. I don't think she likes me too much... so it makes it hard for me to bond with her. Please also note that when I make fun of her and my brother's relationship it is only because I find it humorous...

Stella: I wish we could have named Drunky something else like "the guy who played that weird guitar solo at your wedding..."
I was not surprised to hear that Blondie is NOT a fan of our blog. She refuses to engage in any conversation that includes our blog in it. I think Batman will probably ask us to censor this one as well (even though we are only stating facts.) That or he'll just say mean things to me... I'm pretty sure the wrath will fall upon me and not Loki. I am also pretty sure that Batman & Blondie still skim our posts just to make sure they are not mentioned in them- or they probably ask TMC to do it for them & report back. Also, I was never so mad at TMC as the day he betrayed our sisterly alliance. He is a TRAITOR! He even had the nerve to tell us that Blondie was a better cook than all of us combined. I don't know what she puts in those chicken & dumplings, but Loki & I were appalled at such blasphemy. I do threaten him with the blog quite often. "I'm gonna write a blog about that!" I will tell him in order to get him to stop whatever it is he is doing at the time to annoy me. But perhaps someday, TMC will have a little wifey that will enjoy our blog... and maybe even someday she will want to contribute as a guest banterer...
Loki: Oh yes, let's hope our next SIL will be fun to play with and will like us both.(Is it possible to like us both???) I told TMC this weekend that he should grow up. That he will have a better chance at finding a suitable mate if he didn't live at home with his mommy and doesn't have any responsibilities to show maturity. He swiftly told me that his IDOL, Batman, did not move out until he was 22...so this seems to be the pattern for TMC--to follow in each & every footstep of Batman. (Not that this is news to anyone...) Although I'm surprised that he likes Twilight and any other girly books that I throw at him... because I am pretty sure Batman does not condone the Twilight. So our chances are that TMC will one day find the clone of Blondie... and then we will be outnumbered.

Stella: NO! I've never thought about that. Then they would get together & make snarky comments about us!!! What a bunch of punk brothers we have. I've also instructed TMC on what things he needs to do to obtain a companion.. First of all, I said "what skills do you have? Can you fix the sink? Tend to the livestock? Fix the carborator?" And then we all decided that I have no skills either other than being domestic. Yesterday B&B went with TMC to get a tattoo by the way.
Also, it's not like I talk about Big T like I am a big fan of his either. It's just that Big T doesn't get his panties in a wad over nothing. I say all the time that I think he is a super duper big weirdo & I could NOT be married to the man. This doesn't offend you because it's not like you want your sister to be attracted to or think the man you are married to is terrific... That would NOT be normal.


Tell us your family secrets!

The Dating Game

Stella: I know you all are thinking... "Will you please just get married & have a baby so we don't have to listen you how you are a single mom and you'll never find another man again and how pathetic your life is because you'll never be able to hold another precious child in your arms either?" Sniff, sniff, sniff...

I know, it's depressing right?! But here's the thing.. I am not good at dating. In fact, I don't think I even know how to date!

"But, Stella... You were married? How can this be?" you might say.

Well, let's just say my previous experiences of dating included me driving 45 minutes to hang out with some bum in his apartment while he played Playstation games with his friends & drank beer. (I told you all 19 year olds were dumb including myself, but what can you do about it now?) Even after I was married to the previously mentioned bum, we still didn't go out... EVER. I think we might have stepped inside of a restaurant together for a birthday or something... But I don't think we ever went to a movie together... We might have left the house to do something.... but I just can't think that far back to remember. The point is I have no experience other than sitting around on a couch watching tv, (which I'll admit- I am very good at but I don't think this is going to help.)

Sure, I don't drink from the bowl like the Beast. I know how to pick up a fork and eat without food running out of my mouth! And I am pretty sure that I could sit still long enough to watch a movie without the distraction of having to get up to wipe my daughter's bottom or multi-tasking during the show (changing Barbies outfits... admiring the outfit... changing the outfit again.)

But making small talk? Yikes... What's there to say? Do they want to hear about the cute concoction I came up with for Barbie to 'go to school in'? No. Gee, what other interesting thing happened during my day? "Can you believe I did another 3 loads of laundry?" Hmm.. That's a stimulating conversation right there. Maybe I should share what a low life my ex was and how this is the first time someone has actually taken me to go bowling? Oh no. That's just sad, sad, sad and I'm pretty sure you have to avoid mentioning the ex for fear of scaring them off right away. I'd just have to pretend I was a mute. Like Ariel... Ahhh- but then I'll just come off as boring! But if I try to just talk and "be myself" then I take the risk at coming off as way too opinionated and sarcastic... (Which I am, but aren't you supposed to pretend to be a nice, kind person to strangers in order to give a good first impression? And does that qualify as lying to them if you really aren't always nice & kind? Because I'd rather be rude and honest than a liar...)
Then there is still the problem of finding someone to even go out with! Not to mention, the whole problem I have of being intimidated by older or more attractive men. I mean, in all honestly I'd rather be with a man who is slightly less attractive than me. That way people would say "why is she with him?" rather than "why is he with HER?" I don't see anything wrong with that... And surely the odds are that most single, available men at my age are going to be unattractive in some way or another. The attractive ones are always taken anyway (and if they aren't, then there is usually something else wrong with them... ie, manwhores, committment issues, baby momma drama etc etc. )

(Side note: I love how on that movie "Invention of Lying," the woman would never date the chubby fat man because he didn't have the genetic qualifications she was looking for... and she didn't want her children to be chubby with little stub noses. This really has nothing to do with me as I just stated that I would settle for less than perfect physical features, although I'd really prefer them to be just 'healthy' rather than 'chubby' or 'skinny.' If they were chubby then I'd worry that I'd bake too much and he'd turn into a fat, obese man and I'd have to worry about his health and hag and nag at him about everything he eats like Bess does sometimes... and that just drives me mad. And then if he were too skinny like say, Big T, I'd worry that I wasn't feeding him enough & that everytime he went to the gym he was just working off all that food I just fed him and I'd constantly have to be shoveling things in his mouth so that my hips were at least smaller than his.... GEESH!)

I also don't like people who are older than me. I'm not saying they are too old, but rather I am too young! I automatically assume that anyone older than me would just look down on me with unapproving eyes. "Oh, you are just a measly uninformed 26 year old... What do you know?!" they would say to themselves and then let out an evil, superior laugh... Therefore, if I am at least a little bit older than I feel much less intimidated. I've never really thought about same-aged persons so that might be a tricky one. They would probably fall on one side of the spectrum or the other- too mature or too immature. If they are too immature then they are already out because they lose potential to be a good father/spiritual leader to young impressionable Bella. (Plus, how have you NOT grown up by now?!?) But if they are too mature, then they are probably fall into the too intimidating category. Hahah. What a quandry.

Loki: I was going to interject somewhere in there, but you were on a roll and I wasn't going to muddy it up with my comments about dating. Personally, Big T and I haven't dated as of lately and I don't think you get nervous about dating unless it's new. Then it is awkward... I didn't really go on formal dates with boys that I didn't already know. It is much easier when you already are friends with them. Don't take any advise from me though because I wouldn't want to date either. I think it is nuts that you let older, mature men intimidate you. I think that it is because you still view yourself as a shy, 16-year-old girl, not a woman of 26 who has already gone through alot of life.


One word of advice: definitely do not speak of the ex on the first date. You may say that you are divorced, but I wouldn't go into all of the details at first. You would scare that poor fella off because you would probably get very angry trying to explain everything and your nostrils would flare... Then you might end up punching the table in your rage and knock off the water glasses. (He would know at this point not to mess with you though!) Or you might end up crying because you are so angry and that would be awkward for any suitor! Maybe you should start off going on some double dates. That would let you be more yourself, but maybe not as harsh. haha You aren't really that harsh and can be quite nice at times.


Stella: Ha. Double dates? Those would be even MORE awkward. Because then it's like a group interview. You are there with the boss and his top two managers... No thanks... Even if you take a couple of your choice, then HE is the one that has to pass the test and if he doesn't get along with my twin sister Betty Lou & Mr. Green then he is definitely OUT! At the same time, I would have to try to be charming and witty in front of 2 people that both know I am neither charming or witty... Unless maybe there is alcohol involved, although that doesn't ever make a good first impression. And then Betty Lou would surely scare him off herself trying to tell him she's a flight attendant from Guam or something outlandish like that... Because she'd know it'd make me laugh, but then I'd have to try to explain me & my best friend's weird sense of humor to him, which can be hard to do to outsiders. Even her husband, Mr. Green, has to pretend to be amused at most of the tales we want to share with him... But that's why we would have to bring Mr. Green along (so that we appear sane & normal) who I've thought about hiring as my own personal Public Relations Representative. Maybe I could just send him out on dates for me... bahaha

I'd rather there really was just a short screening process before dates (as opposed to sending your best friend's husband out for you.) You know, you could exchange each other's files and know what's in there beforehand. I'd include a short, brief summary of the ex and all the things he should know and then I wouldn't have to make a fool of myself trying to summarize the 7 years of horror I've endured over a glass of chardonne. Oh wait, no alcohol... Anyhow, in the man's file there should always be a similiar summary from the ex wife/previous gf. This document would have to have some sort of seal that indicates it has not been tampered with. It's only fair that you should know the woman's side of the story as I would never trust the man to tell it all truthfully himself. (Is this why people stoop to dating online? Yikes. I'd rather not meet potential stalkers for a fee.) Well... I guess I am just supposed to keep praying for some man out there to show up that wouldn't mind a difficult woman or a 4 year old that never wants to brush her teeth and who might like playing with the Ken doll for a change (because my pretend man voice just isn't very good!)

Okay, have fun on your date with your husband tonight... I will enjoy my brownies & popcorn and movie on demand while your baby sleeps on my lap.

Ever been on a blind date? Tell us your dating horror stories!!!

You Give Me Fever

Stella: I think I'm experiencing second hand pregnancy. I'm craving things like a mad woman... Especially frozen yogurt twists from Braum's. I just salivate thinking about it. What is wrong with me?

Loki: I have no idea. Maybe my question from our last post regarding sweets and how you think about it every 3 seconds has something to do with it. On a side note, guys think about sex every 45 seconds. Just wanted to correct that.... Although I don't know where they come up with such statistics. I also love frozen yogurt twists from Braum's--They are 94% nonfat, right? I always pretend I am eating air and that no calories are consumed when eating them. Big T would always go and get me one when I had a "craving" back when I was pg. That is the part I do miss about being pregnant... Big T pampered me like I was a glass doll. I am starting to think it wasn't me he was pampering but the baby inside.

Stella: Pamper Shhmmmamper. No one pampers you after you have the baby. It's up to YOU to pamper yourself. And then you feel guilty! Especially if it takes time or money, which Hello- it does. I think I have what is known as "baby fever"... Dun, dun, dun! It is a new strange feeling for me... This fever has even given me a headache the past few days. Everyone on facebook has been announcing the name or gender of their little unborn children... And if it's not that then there are daily status countdowns about how many days the pg mommy has left. Everywhere you go or look it's about new BABIES! Plus I've had to get out my old stroller/carseat/bathtub etc to clean up for little Saucy to use, and I just keep thinking about how I'll probably never even need them back again. Maybe I really will have to adopt black children and give them authentic

African names. Because I've never seen a little black girl named "Maggie"... Should I opt for a Chinese baby instead?

Loki: I thought you were just having cravings... not actual baby fever. Please adopt a little African baby... But please do not name her Maggie. I personally like little chubby black baby boys the best. Please get one so I may eat him up. I do not have baby fever. I have one already... She may be getting older, but I am enjoying each phase more. I don't get jealous seeing or hearing about new babies.... not yet, anyway. Can I also mention that I have been hanging with a mother of 3 young babies and it appears to be much harder than just this perfect ONE child I have? There are things that she does that I think are weird... but I always chalk it up to her being in charge of 3 kids rather than one. I am sure the dynamic changes with each kid... Although Bella is practically a KID now and she can be super helpful... but she would turn green if you were to have another baby.
Stella: Bella has told me that she wants me to have a baby boy... I think she has figured out that if she were to have a baby sister she would have to share all of her girl stuff, but if it is a boy- he gets all his own stuff. Yes, this is the age of noticing gender differences. Plus it has been 5 years since I was pregnant ya know. It's sad. Every time I see Saucy, I go home and look at my pregnancy pictures to see how big I was. (Sorry, but right now you look about 2 weeks bigger than I was... but you are probably still MUCH smaller than Loki was. haha) Her baby shower is this weekend too! Yeah! It's a good thing I lost my job- and income- or I would have probably tried to buy the whole store when we went shopping for her. I also watched the new episode of "16 & Pregnant" on MTV a few days ago. Why, oh why, does this show suck me in? I want to go give a lecture to every girl on there!!! (And what's the deal with naming your little boy "Liam" ?) This is very boring. Tell me something interesting.
Loki: I don't know about interesting, but Blue, (she is my only source of entertainment these days,) likes to crawl up to me and grab my t-shirt and then lay her head down on me while she sucks on her thumb. It is the sweetest thing ever. I love it. I hope she always randomly comes and snuggles with her momma. I wonder if it has the same effect when she no longer fits in my lap. Perhaps I shall crawl up to NanaBess and see how she feels... She also has discovered that while playing on the couch she can throw herself backwards and land on her back....making me laugh. So she did this over and over while giggling too. I have created a monster... She will probably do this off the bed or something and I will regret ever laughing at her. I hope the next time I am pregnant you don't tell me how huge I am. Thanks for waiting until after the belly had gone down. (Side note: Stella wanted to get family pictures this month and when I said I wasn't ready because I felt I still had some weight to lose, she replied "Well, you've lost a lot of weight since last time this year!" Well duh, I was 7 months pregnant then! I would hope that I was smaller. She just doesn't have the same encouraging tone as our mother.
Stella: That was supposed to be interesting? Do you want to know something interesting? I found out yesterday that I was the first unwed mother our church has ever had. I guess I never thought about this at the time I was pregnant because it never bothered me. (I knew I wasn't the only person in the world who had ever "sinned" and ended up pg. But I guess all the other single women who might have gotten pregnant before me ended up getting married or quit coming to church by the time they had their babies.) So yes. I was the first official single mom who still attended church all throughout her pregnancy... so much that the church felt whatever they did for me would set the precedence for those after me (per Bess.) Not exactly sure how I feel about this...

Loki: At least you got to go to the diaper party at the church! I was an outcast from the church at the time so I didn't get invited to partake in all of the free diapers. By outcast I mean I did not attend church reguarly. Or ever at all. And then they wouldn't even marry me. But I guess I don't want to go into that since my mom will just tell me I'm was living in sin... which is why my husband won't go to church now. But why are we talking about church! Argh. I'm just glad my daughter gets a sticker with her name on it. That's all I have to say. This is long enough for a posting. I have to go paint my mother's door red for the party tomorrow. I have no idea WHY she has to have a red door. Someone (ahem, Choc Chip...) told her it was dirty so she thinks she needs to paint it before anyone else comes over to see it.
Please note we will try to come up with better material... We are a little cooped up at the moment. Suggestions for banters??

Job Hunt

Loki: Well, it is Day 4 of the job hunt for me (I used last Thursday as a free day.) And I must say that I am not very motivated in this job search. Also, it is rather hard spending time in front of this computer while my little monkey runs (okay- crawls) around and stuffs things into her mouth constantly. I am too preoccupied playing, feeding, changing diapers and sticking my finger in her mouth to pull out random fuzz balls and pieces of paper (and hoping that she doesn't bite it off.) I guess I am experiencing the real stay-at-home-mom-ness. haha. What a word. I like it... I don't have to shower if I don't want to... or do my hair and make up. I have been wearing pajama pants for the past 2 days as well. On top of that, my house has been clean all week. Baby Blue has also been able to stay on her "schedule" as far as naps and eating go. I even made pancakes for us this morning too. This is Big T's day off, but he has busy working on his Christmas Lights venture so I am left home alone. He keeps calling though and asking if I found a job yet. Umm... No. But I am working as a mom right. So there.

Stella: I feel ya. Except this is Day 4 of me NOT looking for a job. haha. I am used to having days off, but it's also been 2.5 years since I was off ALL week... It's very strange. I've been having lots of deja-vu moments. I'm glad you get to experience being a stay-at-home mom. I remember BEFORE you were a mother and you would give me crap all the time about not working. "What do you do all day?" you would say with that snarky little attitude of yours. "You just wait until you're a mom someday oh yee of little knowledge or experience!" was probably my reply.

Loki: I am taking this opportunity.. err, week to try and figure out what it is I want to do. No one loves their job, right? Why do I think it is possible to find a job/career that I will love and not resent time away from my kid? Hmm... I also am only searching for part-time employment, which limits the field dramatically. I have found a few secretary jobs available part time...and I guess if it comes down to it I will go back to doing that. I just don't want to be stuck doing the front desk work again... It's like starting over. Maybe I should just go work in a flower shop. (I've always thought that would be a fun job...but why?!)

Stella: I thought I should take this opportunity... err, as long as I want, to enjoy life. And Really? I've never thought about working at a flower shop. I don't really have a green thumb. One time I even killed a plant of Uncle Don't Throw the Wrapping Paper at Christmas! (We might need to work on a shorter name for him, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows who it is.) It was like I murdered his child... I felt bad. It's a good thing I'm his favorite niece. (On a side note, I'm excited to see what Christmas decor we will have this year at Gma's... The paper balls made from recycled plastic bags were a big hit last year.)

Loki: I don't have a green thumb either. It's not about that. I just think it would be a happy place to work. Surely when you are around pretty things all day you should be happy right? Just think of all the pretty arrangements you could make! I doubt they pay more than minimum wage and you do not need a college degree I am sure... but it would be fun. I think I am so scarred from my previous employment that I hesitate to get another office job.. I mean really what else is there?! I will no doubt end up in another office...and it makes me extremely nervous. Hopefully this time I will get out quick if I decide its not a good fit for me. I just read about applying for a company and they went through the hiring process... phone interview, testing, another interview with a recruiter, and then finally a "team" interview to see if you fit with the team. Ummm...no thank you. I hate interviews. I clam up and get red and stutter. I don't know what happens but my intelligence and confidence level vanish. I once equated my greatest accomplishment to graduating high school. (I was only 18 at the time... What else would I have had accomplished?) Besides, what kind of question is that? Do they want a personal accomplishment? (Like making this baby) Or a work related accomplishment? (I helped train and install a new work program) Whatever ...interviews suck. I hope a job just falls in my lap as well. I shall pray for that.

Stella: Graduating high school? I am pretty sure you can't use that as an accomplishment unless you grew up in KY and no one else in your family has ever graduated high school before because they all ended up having to drop out and work in the coal mines to support the family.. and those who didn't just got pregnant and had to live off welfare and couldn't even afford to go to the dentist for their rotting teeth from drinking so much Mountain Dew....

I don't think you can list having a child as a greatest accomplishment either, considering that 1 out of every 2 people throughout the entire world possess this capability (or a ratio close to that given the male and female population is the same...) Either way, you wouldn't be the first person to waltz into that job interview that has ever birthed a child. You could probably say something you did as a mother was an accomplishment (but you'd have to be more specific than just your diaper changing duties etc.) Not trying to be Debby Downer.. Just trying to prepare you for the corporate world.

By the way, did you read the book I gave you... "The Price of Motherhood" ? If you would like to just read the report I wrote over it then you can... You can also read what a brillant writer I am on the back page (per Dr. Cleary) She was always a big fan of my work.

Loki: Please give me your paper... That book was the worst thing I have ever tried to read in my life. I only made it through 2 chapters and that is because I was pumping at work and had nothing else to do but stare at the wall. Baby Blue is kissing the ground... I must go now.

Stella: I didn't read the book for leisure either. It was for my Gender class. Hence, the report.... But how could it be worse than the "Virgin's Lover" ? Have I ever mentioned that my sister AND my mother have read a book with this title? Well, I am off to watch the "Grown Ups." Hope it is better than "Letters to Juliet," which I watched last night. (Rather than read or use my brain, I've decided to catch up on watching some new movies during my free time.)

Quick! Interview time. Please describe to us what your greatest accomplishment in life is.

Stella's Turn

Loki: Today we will be featuring a post all about Stella in an attempt to make her feel more important than breast milk. We have definitely spoken quite frequently about my woes on here and we felt as if poor Stella has been lost.

So, Stella... What was it like to work with your sister?

Stella: I will say that working with my sister was quite lovely at times... Perhaps I will miss that someday. But it's only been like 3 days and I saw her all weekend so I do not miss her yet. Although I will probably miss eating BTT weekly more than her... But I'm very glad we went out with a big bang.. And maybe someday we will work together again. We've always wanted to open a wedding chapel out here on our land and I'm pretty sure I can get Sam to back our venture... Or a cake shop. Or a boutique. He might even throw in a firework stand here or there for Big T. hahah

Loki: So what will you do with yourself now? What's next on the job front for you?

Stella: There are absolutely no prospects on the horizon! I will go back to cleaning Gma Mod's house in the meantime. I did this the first 18 months of Bella's life and we got along just fine. I am not sure what kind of job I will look for next.... Probably the kind that just gets dropped in my lap.

Loki: So what are your plans for today as you are unemployed?

Stella: Yes, thanks. The Man Child (TMC) has already tried to make snarky remarks about how I am unemployed in an attempt to make me feel bad about myself and him feel superior. It makes me want to punch him in the face. It will probably come down to that since he's such a snarky little man. I probably won't do much today except say Snarky a few more times... Actually, I got up bright & early... Took a shower... Made a to-do list... Bella is helping Nana Bess clean out her closet right now like it's great fun. I worry about that child sometimes... She thinks things like organizing & rearranging are so exciting!

Loki: Okay, enough formal talk. Do you ever dream in chocolate?

Stella: No, I dream in red.

Loki: How often do you think about sweets?

Stella: Every 20 seconds. Isn't that how often men think about sex ? Bahaha.

Loki: Do you want more children? If so, what would you name them?

Stella: Yes, I'd like 3. But I think I should find a man first. If that never happens then maybe I could adopt. And live at home & collect welfare. Like the Octo-Mom. That's my real dream... Then I would name my little chocolate babes La-a and La-Toya & La Bomba.

Loki: If you were dying & got to make one last wish, what would it be?

Stella: To go to all the Bowl Games... Haha. Whoops. That was Batman's answer. His last dying wish would be to watch more football. True story.

Loki: Do you think you look like your mother?

Stella: Do you think you look like your father?

Loki: Do you think looks have helped you through life?

Stella: What looks? I must admit that sometimes I suffer from nose envy. My brother (TMC) got my nose & I got his... So unfair. I wonder what the procedure would be to just transplant them to the correct face. Maybe that would be my dying wish since I avoided that serious life/death question. There. It's final. I would have a nose job and people could admire it as I lie there dead in a casket. Actually, I prefer cremation. Don't worry, all of this is already written down in my will.... (And if I die young, do NOT bury me in satin.)

Loki: What do you think about pineapples?

Stella: As far as fruit goes, fresh pineapple is one of my favorites... Other than that, I don't really have any other emotions or feelings towards it ? That's normal, right?

Loki: Do you (or did you) ever want to be a rock star?

Stella: Hello! I used to be in a band. How could you forget this? We sang, played our own instruments & wrote our own songs. I'm actually pretty proud of our writing... It was pretty good stuff.

Loki: What's in your cd player right now?

Stella: The new Taylor Swift c.d. "Speak Now." Good thing I bought it last week before I was out of a job! I don't care what people say about how she can't sing. She's a brillant songwriter. You can't deny that. And it doesn't matter to me how good or bad she sounds because once I know the words I sing over her anyway.... I must say that there are a few songs I really like on there, but her 2nd album "Fearless" is still my favorite. (My favorite song on here so far is Speak Now... "And she is yelling at a bridesmaid somewhere back inside a room wearing a gown shaped like a pastry...")

Loki: What did you want to be when you were growing up?

Stella: I wanted to be different... And I am! Hooray! Now I just think about what my little dear will be. Will she design clothes? Will she be a vet? Maybe she will be an artist....

Loki: When you get mad do you hold grudges?

Stella: How can you not hold grudges? We are given this thing called a memory. So if someone does you wrong, you aren't going to forget it. Ha. Actually, I don't think I'm a grudge holder. Sometimes it can take awhile to get over things, but I don't think I let that affect my life... That's something I've had to learn a lot. You can't let what other people do to you- or say to you- or how they treat you- affect how you are going to spend your day. God has taught me a lot about forgiveness as well. You should forgive because God forgives, right? That's easy to say.

In fact, I had something happen not too long ago that definitely addressed this concept... The woman my husband left me for sent me a message on facebook. (I say woman, but I usually refer to this girl as a homewrecking child mistress... Among other things!) She wanted to let me know that she broke up with my ex (after almost a year of living together.) I think her real intention in writing me was to let me know he was still using drugs and that he had stolen from her & her friends (to try to get him in trouble I guess.) She said that she did know that we were married when they got together and that she had hurt me, but that she was sorry.

Hmmm.. What would you say to this person?

I've had many a dream where I am just beating her face into the ground... I have thought many times all of the things I would say to this person if I were ever confronted with her... I probably couldn't get the words out fast enough! My right hook would probably interrupt that thought anyway. But I wasn't that angry anymore & I had moved on with my life. I felt sorry for this stupid little girl who had no idea what she was doing. She had no idea what she was dealing with. Addiction hurts & tears apart anything in its path. I know this better than anyone. She was writing me because her world and concept of trust & love had just been blown apart. And then God told me to be compassionate. And so I was... Not because I wanted to at all, but because God compelled me to. I could have written the rudest most hateful reply you could ever imagine. Instead, I actually said "thank you for your apology" to the person whose crime I did not think I would ever forgive. I was even nice to her in my reply (and made sure to clear up all the lies I knew she was told.) Don't worry, it wasn't my idea. (She even wrote me back & in her ignorance acted like my Bff, to which I did not reply. That was pushing it...)

But there you go. Proof. You shouldn't hold onto anger. It will only hurt you & affect no one else but you.

Loki: Wow. Both deep & personal and you included God. You just made your mother so happy. Thank you all for joining us for this stimulating interview... And stay tuned for more posts to come!

What question did Loki leave out that you would like to ask Stella?