Edward Love

Loki: I have written this post over and over in my head after reading Stella's banter yesterday.... I have come at it from all sorts of angles. Each time I fear I get a little too emotionally involved because I just want to defend the Edwardians. I am going to try and just make a few points and then be done with it. For the sake of this blog (and my relationship with my sister) we must move on...

Like most sisters would be, we are obviously on opposites sides. I do understand that not everyone wants the same things out of life or out of their relationships. I did take offense to the blog yesterday as I felt attacked on some level. I do not think my own personal relationship is based on control or that I needed a "daddy figure" just because I like Edward. I liked the story of Romeo & Juliet, but I hated the ending. Also, I don't know if I even believe in "soul mates" and sure, I like a passionate relationship...Who doesn't? I feel like you need to have both in a relationship. Why cant you also be friends with your lover? (Lover... That word grosses me out when I am speaking to my sister.)

I wasnt sure what Stella's theory was concerning why some people choose Edward and some choose Jacob. I don't think I agree with it, but she is allowed to have her opinion. Don't worry I am not going to post things like, "I married my Edward." Big T is far from Edward... and I have to remember that I am not Bella.

Here is my biggest problem with Twilight/Team Jacob. I do not think it is possible to be in love with two people. Regardless of who is "better" for Bella. I think it is absurd that the story even went there with Jacob. I have been told by other people that it is possible to be in love with two people... and if that is the case, I think it is wrong that you should allow yourself that possibility. When you are in love with someone, you don't put yourself in a situation to feel things for someone else. That's why you dont see a lot of married people being best friends with the opposite sex. It just doesn't work. Do you think if you had a boyfriend you would allow him to go gallivant around with another girl when you were away? I don't think so. Also, I do not think Edward is controlling. I think he is protecting Bella from serious things... (you know VAMPIRES trying to KILL her!) Jacob is just a 16 year old boy. What 16 year old boy is ready for that sort of commitment/marriage? I don't have a problem with Jacob... I am sure he is a nice wolfy boy, but he isn't Edward. Seriously.

I do think Edward is perfect... to Bella. I think when you fall in love at first you are blinded. They do seem perfect to you. Obviously no one is perfect, but haven't you heard that love is blind? I am not going to relist all the wonderful things about Edward because.. well, it would make you gag... and Stella has already given us a pretty good list. I don't know why she tried to make perfection a bad thing though! I think Edward is fun too. You might not see it in him until Breaking Dawn, but it's there. Hello!! Have you read Breaking Dawn? That is my FAVORITE!

I have never had a theory on why one is swayed to the side of Jacob. It still makes no sense to me. If you dont like Bella or Edward, how do you even like Twilight? For all you Jacob lovers out there... I do recommend re-reading the books. I hear that you come around to liking Edward more the 2nd time around. (although why you need a 2nd time is beyond me)

One more thing: Edward wins.

My Twilosophy

Stella: I would just like to state that I am only doing this so my sister will shut up and quit begging me to include Twilight in everything. This Twilight special will be a 2 part segment... This post will only include MY opinion, and Loki can have her turn to banter & gross me out later.

Let me say first that my intention is to NOT debate WHY Bella chose Edward. Why don’t you go ahead and repeat that out loud to yourself right now so that you can remember this discussion is not about Bella or what happens in the book.... She chose Edward because that’s the way Stephanie Meyer wrote it. End of the story. She very well could have written that Bella decided to choose Jacob in the end, but the fact remains that some women will still prefer Edward over Jacob and vice versa. This is the idea I am entertaining today. (I'm using pictures only for added visual and I used 2 of Rob & 2 of Taylor so there would be no hurt feelings between the two teams..)

So why are some women drawn to Edward’s character and others are drawn to Jacob’s character?

The answer is simple.

In fact, I think I can guess which team you are on by asking you one question.

Do you like Romeo & Juliet?

If you do, you are no doubt a believer in true love and the idea that there is one perfect soul mate out there for you that is worth dying for. You are a hopeless romantic and a Team Edward fan.

Or did you think the entire basis of Romeo & Juliet (and the dying in the end over someone they only knew for about 20 seconds) was stupid?

Yep- sounds about right. Most likely, you do not believe in love at first sight; you believe that you have a choice in who you can love. You probably want to find a man who is your best friend and not “your soul mate.” You are a Team Jacob fan.

Now that’s just one idea. There are many differences that separate these two characters & if you look at your own relationship, I bet that you can see that your “Team” choice is closely related to your spouse choice (or what your ideal relationship would be like.) There are several other simple questions that can reveal which Team you would be more drawn to besides do you like Rob- (the brooding emo type) or Taylor- (One word- abs.) They are pretty basic too.

Would you rather be hot or cold?

Are you into cars or motorcycles?

Would you rather be with an older man or a younger man?

Which is a better present to receive: something hand-made with love or a big fat, expensive diamond?

Or how about this- Do you value romance or friendship? Now we're getting deep...

Now let’s face it, everyone. Bella’s relationship with Edward is ideal. This is every girl’s high school fantasy, which is probably why this book has so much mass appeal. Every girl (especially at age 17) feels plain & ordinary and wants some wonderful guy out there to think that she is the most special person he has ever met. What girl wouldn’t love to hear that this perfect man has been waiting FOR HER for the past 100 years? Why, no other girl has ever even compared to her… Just wait, it gets better. Not only is this man the most mysterious, attractive & richest man in the whole entire school, but he has chosen HER, boring, plain & simple. He can see all of the wonderful things about her that no one else can. Why do you think this book’s audience spans generations? Who can’t pretend to be Bella (for at least one second)? And talk about dedication- Edward could probably sing “Hopelessly Devoted to You” way better than Sandy ever could… Plus he IS talented! On top of that, he is experienced & older... Whew... The list goes on... And for all you mushy romantics out there, it’s a perfect picture of unconditional love... (or is supposed to be anyway.)

There are also a few things that Edward & Jacob have in common- They are both loyal and they are both BEAUTIFUL. Okay, you still probably prefer your man to be either tan, buff & dark or white, sparkly, & cold… (Sorry, I ran out of adjectives for Edward but if you need some- just read the book. Talk about an overload! How many ways can we describe how perfect Edward is? Let me count the ways… There is about 2-3 lines on each page. Seriously.) And sure, you can debate the loyalty issue if you have too, but once again, let’s bring it back to us- not Bella.

So for fun, let’s talk about Team Edward fans first. These fans want a man that is in control. They want to be protected & taken care of- they’re after a true gentleman. I would go as far as saying that Team Edward fans have probably had quite a few celebrity crushes during their day. Because hello!Edward is like a famous celebrity in Forks. He is unattainable to everyone else! (And if this were a Western flick instead of vampires vs. werewolves, Team Edward fans would still probably prefer to marry the sheriff rather than the outlaw.) Edwardian lovers most likely use phrases like “we were meant to be together” or “you don’t choose who you fall in love with” to describe their own relationships. We’ve made it obvious by now that Team Edward fans believe in having a soul mate and want that passionate, romantic love. Talk about INTENSE! They see Edward as the most selfless creature they’ve ever heard about. He thinks of Bella constantly and only does what he thinks is best for her. How many Team Edward fans out there are married to a man that is more like a father-figure? Hmm. Probably quite a few hands going up right about now. That’s because Edward is controlling like a father would be when caring for his loved ones... (And who cares what people say about independent women & feminism... Some women like a man that is in control and makes the decisions. It's a fact. I'm not calling you weak-minded. Those are your words.)

Team Jacob fans, on the other hand, would rather have a man that is their best friend. Plain & simple. Someone who accepts their faults and has plenty of them as well. They want someone down-to-earth, who is normal. Sure, Jacob’s character in the novels is a little jealous and competitive, but that makes him real- not perfect. He is still a good listener and is supportive. This kind of guy will accept you at your worst. Team Jacob fans just don’t want to be a doormat. Sorry, Edwardo lovers, but that’s how Team Jacob girls see it. And of course there are lots of reasons why Edward fans can’t stand Jacob too. To Edward fans, Jacob is just a little boy who doesn’t get the hint. (But most of this discussion just goes back to the books & how Bella doesn’t really love him, blah blah blah, but that’s not what we’re debating.) Team Jacob fans love Jacob because he isn’t this unattainable “Mr. Perfect” that Edward is painted out to be. He is just a normal guy, who happens to be sweet & charming in his own way. He’s got an entirely different personality than Mr. Glum & Despair. Jacob is light hearted and fun. He isn’t Mr. Serious all the time like Ed. He’s carefree… a little reckless… and the life of the party. Jacob fans want friendship over passion. They want someone you can would joke with, laugh & play with. Team Jacob fans probably married someone a little different than their dads. You know, someone less serious, less protecting, less fatherly, less controlling, and less boring. (Okay, did I just give it away that I am a Team Jacob fan? Haha. As if you didn’t already know.) They just don’t want someone to “protect them” and worry about them and dote on them. A little doting is nice- but not to the stalker extent. So while Team Edward fans can’t understand the appeal of Jacob, let’s just make it clear that Jacob fans see Edward’s over-protectiveness and seriousness as BORING!

Now, if we were to discuss Bella (which I said we weren't, but why not- I know it will only upset Loki) and why she chose Edward over Jacob, I think most Jacob fans are actually happy she ended up with him because they end up not liking her character around Book 3 anyway. Good thing she has all eternity to obtain a personality because she is quite a bore herself. All she does is laundry, cook and read Wuthering Heights over & over in her flannel shirts. She’s whiny and fickle. How can she say she knows what she wants? She’s 18. Think about what you wanted at age 18 and now say, Are you kidding me?! Besides that, Bella & Ed are too busy living “The Greatest Love Story Ever Told” to have any fun. It is just drama 24-7. And what exactly is their attraction all about? I mean, she thought he was good-looking and he thought her blood smelled good? The book gives virtually no reason why they fell in love. Hello? What exactly do they have in common besides this idea that they are meant for each other? Bologna. Why does she think she can’t live without him? It's possible. Life goes on deary. And how is this a healthy relationship? Not only does he stalk her everywhere she goes, he controls everything she does and she finds this endearing. Sounds like an abusive cycle to me. And why must she define herself through a man? Her way of dealing with a break-up is also ridiculous… (to throw yourself of a cliff to hear the voice of a guy who broke your heart and ran off. She should have just killed herself and the book could have ended like Romeo & Juliet did. She's already sick & delusional!) Needless to say, she makes stupid decisions and abandons her family and friends in the end.

Stupid doormat Bella.

Calm down, Loki and don’t get your panties in a wad. I just had to put that out there because I really dislike Bella's character.

Now let’s have it. Start professing your love to Edward & LET'S BE DONE WITH IT.

Geesh, I sound like Marcus. (Volturi)

Coming Soon!

Hello Readers!!!!
Our long awaited & much anticipated Twilight post will be up soon! Loki is out sick today with Baby Blue so we will do our best to blog asap!




Which one did you chose? I think that I can tell you why....

Team Edward vs. Team Jacob

Grumpy Old Men

Stella: Why do crazy people just walk in an office and start saying things like “Banner Life! Hello? Banner life?” What are you supposed to say? “NO! My name is NOT Banner Life. I wish you would say something else besides Banner Life because I don’t know what the hell you are talking about!” We deal with some of the most idiotic people on a day to day basis. They don’t even know what they are doing, but they’ve been in the business 25+ years so you can’t even try to tell them anything. I probably shouldn’t say hell. It will offend our mother.

Loki: True. Oh so true on all accounts here. (Banner Life is a name of a company that we deal with...but not our name nor our business' name) I hate it when someone calls in just to complain.. And let’s face it- the only thing these agents do is complain! They say, “I have been doing business for 50 years, and I have never heard of that!” Meanwhile, I am thinking… “You are stupid. This is common knowledge.” I will have to re-explain something basic that happens at least twice a week since I’ve been here for the past 5 years. It’s hard to sound sympathetic or nice for that matter. Im not very good and sounding concerned when I really think you are an idiot. I don’t know what it is… old age maybe? (Yes, it’s OLD AGE.) It’s men who should have retired 30 years ago. Go enjoy your golden years or silver years or whatever the hell it’s called! (I just wanted to say hell too.) Seriously, quit trying to sell life insurance and buy some on yourself! Okay, that wasn’t nice. I will be sad when one of them departs this Earth. But they cannot understand the concept of change. “Why when I started this business there was just 2 questions on the application and now there are 50 pages!” This is an exaggeration on both parts. It’s sorta like the old saying about how “when I was your age, I walked to school uphill, in the snow, barefoot both ways!”

Stella: Not only are these grumpy old men stupid; they are RUDE and HATEFUL. They will call you just to scream and gripe at you. I agree- they should all retire and go home and gripe at their own wives or grandchildren. Do you think they are really this mean to them to? I would much rather go back to working in the women’s retail store where the only old man I ever saw was the one who came in and tried on a dress. Now he was a nice man! He even wanted my opinion on which dress looked better on him. And me, being the wonderful person I am, told him the purple one was much better than the black & white.

Loki: What?! Im confused. Seriously a man came in to try on a dress? I guess its not that surprising... but we live in the middle of America, not LA. I think it would be fun to see an old man try to dress like a woman ...errr or gross. Some of these old men are smelly too. I mean the knock your socks off smelly as in Ive just dumped a whole bottle of cologne on to hide my onion breath and cigerette smoke. They also walk in adjusting their hairpeice. hahah its HILARIOUS. I think they are here to check out their girlfriend, PR. Seriously they think they can score a date with her. I dont really understand the attraction...but these men are always talking about taking her out. She eggs it on though by referring to them as her boyfriends. Its pretty disturbing if you ask me. PR is not even close to their age... but she isnt as young as us so I guess that makes it better. I mean she is like their children's age.. not their grandchildren's age.

We also have the "new agents"...you know the ones that are in their early 20s. They come in and are dressed up in their father's suits trying to look professional. They have no idea what they are doing either. We have to teach them how to do their job as well. I always find it funny when one comes in and I didnt know they were young. They typically have old sounding names, you know John or Sam (probably their fathers as well) . We have to shake hands you know and introduce ourselves ... and since I am a woman I obviously can not shake hands hard. I HATE it when someone limp wrist handshakes. Grab my hand and give it a good shake. Gee. So we have the baby cubs and the old geezers, which do you prefer?

Wow we sound grumpy today... here is something to make me happy.

Love Story

Stella: Last night Nana Bess & I watched The Last Song. I know you can’t stand Miley Cyrus’ man voice, but once you were a good hour into it you stopped trying to see if she was going to act like Hannah Montana. The movie ended up being decent, and like I said, towards the end you sort of liked her character. The stupid thing about the movie was that she fell in love with some dreamy guy from the beach in less than 1 minute. "Mr. Volleyball Stud at the Beach with No Shirt On" crashed into her while she was passing by causing her to spill her milkshake all over herself. That was it, folks. True Love. The boy followed her around for the next 2 scenes in which she pretended to ignore him and be rude, which made him only more head-over-heels for her.

At this point, I began to secretly plot a trip to the beach in which I would buy a milkshake and carry it with me all over until some gorgeous man plowed into me. Because if I could make that happen, I know I could totally pull off the rude & silent treatment with an attitude like "I’m not interested in you.." (Even though you are obviously attractive and following me around like I am wonderful.) It wouldn’t be a stretch for me at all!

Or maybe I should get a friend to go to the local carnival with me, and a good looking country boy would be there with his friend. He would spot me from a distance laughing in the bumper cars, (and looking like a model,) and that would be it too! He would follow me all the way to the Ferris wheel and dangle there, holding on for dear life with only one hand, until I agreed to go out with him. Fine! If I must....

Or perhaps I should learn to peel an apple in one piece so that when I meet the man I’ve been stalking on the radio, he will just KNOW that it is true love when he sees me and touches my hand…

But I guess it would just be easier if I could just go drop my purse in the water at the end of a pier and a big sexy man would jump in to save it for me…

Seriously. The thing I hate most about chick flicks is that they just fall in love instantly. I mean, usually there is a montage of love scenes for the audience to enjoy that is supposed to demonstrate their love growing for each other. Usually this involves scenes of the happy couple together horseback riding, going on picnics, cuddling in the car, watching the stars, laying on the beach, walking in the sunset, making out in the rain… All of the things I have never done once in my REAL life. They share their life stories in a matter of minutes & talk on such deep levels that everything they say is inspiring, witty and charming.

On top of that, these Nicholas Sparks movies/books are too just predictable for me. Someone is always sick. (Yes, they will die at the end so that you will cry.) The guy is usually a bad boy or in the cool crowd so the girl doesn’t fit in, (even though she’s both smart & beautiful.) Or the girl is way too good for him & he doesn’t fit in, (so vice versa.) One of them is usually richer than the other, (causing a lot of acceptance issues with the rich, snobby family…Which I am totally prepared to deal with! Haha) And in the end, they always find out something, (about each other) that they didn’t know, (usually a secret they were hiding from their past-oh no!) and they part ways because they feel so betrayed.. (“I trusted you! Even though we fell in love in less than 2 minutes!”) But at the end of the day, (and in time to wrap up the 120 minute movie,) they come to their sense about true love.

Ah Gee. Too bad the real world is not some dumb movie.


Loki: Aww… I do love a good sappy love story, but I also like those that you can actually see the characters fall in love. The instantaneous love-at-first-sight crap is ridiculous. Movies always fall a little short when they are based on romantic books. You read about the love connection for at least 100-something pages and then they have to cut half of it out to put it in a movie. Take Twilight for example! (haha- Didn’t you know I would bring this up?!) If you didn’t read the books and just watched the movies, you might not understand the love connection…or why it happened really fast. Irregardless, chick flicks are pretty cheesy and not realistic. Movies are just meant to imitate life. I think we want to watch things that couldn’t really happen. It’s called fantasy. We want to believe that someone can instantly fall in love with us by just looking into our eyes. (However, I would punch someone in the gut if they followed me around like that. Go away, stalker.) Otherwise, they would just be documentaries… How boring. There is a movie out called Paper Heart and it looked like a chick flick so I ordered it. But actually, it’s a stinking documentary about that funny girl (whose name I don't know) who doesn’t believe in love. So she interviews her semi-famous friends to talk about it. I turned it off in 5 minutes. See … not entertaining. If movies were realistic, then people would be dashing off to romantic places every time you turned around… And if you fell in love that quickly, wouldn’t you fall in love all the time?

Why, once upon a time, I laid eyes on this man in a bingo t-shirt who was playing pool at a bar. He walked over and tilted my head to the side, (to take a better look at my eyebrow ring,) and said “Oooh.. I like that.” And I instantly fell in love! Oh wait, No.. But he did really tilt my head… and I think sang a song in my ear later that night while we pretended to dance. (Garth Brooks- All My Exes Live in Texas- if you were wondering) Now doesn’t that just sound like a fairytale? For the movie, we’ll just add a beach and a romantic sun setting to portray me & Big T and our first meeting… I actually thought he was ridiculous trying to serenade me with Garth Brooks. We didn’t run off and get married, and we spent the next couple of months getting to KNOW each other before falling in love. It took another 4 years to get married! Are you going to vomit now that I mentioned Big T and I in your “Love Story” post? I could mention a lot of other material that film makers wouldn’t add into our story line… But maybe one day they will make one about your life and how Sammy saw you in the crowd watching him play football and instantly thought “I’m in love with that mysterious girl sitting there!”


Stella: Yes, and then he’d break up with me once he found out that I wrote a blog about him, (back in my past, of course,) where I said I was only after his $50 million… (But I’ve changed Sammy! It was only about the money AT FIRST…until I really knew you!) But after my dog dies, he’d come back to comfort me, (since I love animals in this story,) & bring the flip flop that I lost when I ran off after our fight… (It slipped off in the rain you see- which is always needed for a more dramatic effect & is romantic as long as my makeup stays on perfectly…) He puts it on my foot as he professes his love, and Voila! It fits so we know that it is destiny! (Although I wear a size 8 so it’d fit most anyone…) He’d whisk me away on his horse (err- probably more like a Bentley) just in time to rescue me from my evil step mother… (okay- or from having to live with my parents until I’m 45.) The End. Time to roll the credits and play a sappy love song (that I will sing myself from my new upcoming album Sammy is producing.)

Sorry to spoil the fun, but I really have no physical attraction to Sam Bradford, but he's the only material we’ve got right now. Also. I just want to say that my ALL TIME favorite chick flick would probably have to be When Harry Met Sally. Ah, Gush Gush, Gush. Oh, I just love Meg Ryan in that film… It was WAY before she jacked up her lips with too much collagen! Now there’s a movie where you can see them fall in love! And that’s all I’m asking for…

Also, I don’t know why everything makes you think of Twilight. It’s really annoying.


We know you have an opinion! The movie bashing/loving begins now!

Poo Poo Platter

Disclaimer: Read at your own risk. The following post may cause feelings of uneasiness, nausea, vomiting, and in some severe cases, passing out.
Stella: The skies are dark this morning and painted in shades of gray. The trees bend as the wind swirls through their branches. The air is thick and soon the rain will water the earth. I can smell the strong aroma of coffee brewing and sip my drink as I ponder many thoughts about my life…

Okay, enough of that! I tried to distract myself by writing a ridiculous narrative about the weather (like something that you might read in someone else’s blog who is more proper & refined,) but the only thing I can really think about …..is my brother’s poop.

That's right. I share a bathroom with my little brother. The arrangement we made when I moved back home is that if he keeps the bathroom cleaned up then I will do his laundry. (Now that stupid deal I made with him is another story.)

However, the problem is that The Man Child will sit in the bathroom for hours at a time pooping in the toilet. The toilet can no longer stand the vast amount of poop he has dumped into it over the years and will no longer flush all of it at one time. (I think it’s protesting.) So being the disgusting 19 year old male that he is, he will flush it once and leave the room without checking to see if all 100 lbs of it did indeed go down the toilet.

You think I’m exaggerating when I describe HOW MUCH poo there is and this is really what baffles me. I guess it is a guy thing because I do not how so much bodily waste can come out of a person in one setting!

Smelling and seeing my brother’s crap lingering in the toilet every morning that I wake up does not put me in a good mood. In fact, the bathroom permanently smells of poop because it is left in the toilet to just marinate & roast for hours on end until someone finds it. Someone being ME. Air freshener & candles can barely disguise the foul lingering stench… I can barely breath in there without a gas mask. By this time, The Man Child is in bed slumbering away after his giant bowel movement while I am left to clean up his feces.

This is NOT a sister’s job.

Loki: Ugh!!! I just threw up. This is gross. What makes you think I want to discuss The Man Child’s poo when I don’t even want to talk about your daughter Bella tooting? Hello?! Would you like me to tell you how I had to help Baby Blue poo? Alright.. I guess I will! My poor baby was so backed up she didn’t poo for an entire week. (Saying Poo makes me feel better than poop or crap..it just doesn’t sound as gross.)

She is the happiest baby on earth so this did not stop her from smiling and singing, but I knew she must be hurting since she hadn't gone in so long. Then I noticed her making the “pushing face” and then at last, she cried her little heart out. I thought that maybe she went, but when I checked it was still hanging out. So being the good mommy that I am, (Big T already protested to touch her poo,) I grabbed a wipee and tried to pull it out. We did this for a minute or two when finally I had to spread her little cheeks and out popped a massive terd! Disgusting.. but she was so relieved! After that she had 10 poopie diapers that I had to change. Seriously….10! Talk about mass amounts of poo coming out of a small, small body.

So was that too much info?? I would like to mention that overflowing the toilet with poo is not just a guy thing… It's a lazy boy thing. I have never had to walk into a dirty toilet in my house. Big T knows how to flush.

Stella: Ewww! I've never had to assist someone pooping, but I do have to wipe my daughter's rear end. "MOM, I'M DOOOOOOONE!!!!" Ahh.. I hate that phrase. You can teach them how to wipe themselves, but you can't trust them to do a good job & when it comes to poop you don't want to take any chances. Ah well, that's being a mom and I really have no problems with that. But The Man Child is NOT MY CHILD!

So did you make it to the end? How nasty was this post on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the grossest thing you've ever heard???

Sermon Notes

Stella: Getting distracted at church is just too easy. Especially when you sit next to your sister. Yesterday was even harder because we sat by ourselves without our mother in between us, like we were grown adults or something... First distraction, the lady who SHOUTS during the worship time right behind us. Okay, just because your husband and daughter SHOUT into the microphone doesn’t mean you should try to scream at them from the back pew to the front of the church. We get it. Sounding awful runs in the family. Second distraction, the old lady in front of us wearing a checkered dress that strangely resembles the new dress Loki is wearing… haha. Sorry, Loki, your “picnic table” dress is cute, but it was the EXACT same pattern (only her dress was from 1980.) Last week the same old lady had on a fabulous matching pant suit so I definitely think Loki should get one of those too… Third distraction, the preacher talking about Catholicism and Loki and I laughing about having to go into a confessional… Then trying not to bust out laughing as Loki scribbles on her paper, “Forgive me father for I have sinned..” and then “I have had impure thoughts…” And then my reply (of course) was, “Say three Hail Mary’s and you are forgiven.”

Loki: Seriously! I never remember that there is a reason why we should move up a few pews until the singing ensues. It’s usually not as bad when I can focus on my mother’s singing instead. But yesterday, I had no such distraction. I really have to fight the urge to turn around and stare her down. Especially when she sings the WRONG words. God can move THE mountains not just A mountain. I think we sing that song too much because I remember a couple of weeks ago she kept making the same mistake. I heard it in her voice… “Oh, oops it’s “the” not “a”… but I’m going to continue singing the wrong words… and maybe if I sing loud enough my family can hear me in the front!” Maybe SHE should just move to the front of the church because it is very hard to concentrate. I enjoy some good people watching as well… And it’s just so easy to do in church. I know that it is really bad so I try to concentrate on the sermon and then decipher what they are really trying to say to me.. Hmm... Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell us the underlying point/lesson and not just wait until the very end?

Also- in the movies why do people always confess to having impure thoughts? Like that’s the only sin that is ever committed...? I wonder if priests keep a tally book. You know to send out updates at the end of the year to the congregation of the most committed sins for the year. “This year, 85% of you had impure thoughts, 65% of you lied, 30% of you coveted thy neighbor, and 2% of you committed murder." So really, what happens if someone confesses to a murder to their Catholic priest? Is it like confessing to a therapist? By law do they have to report it or are they under some kind of doctor/patient privilege?

Stella: Yes!!!! The Annual Sin Index Report… Didn’t you see the latest edition? Hahah. And what is wrong with that lady? Doesn’t she know God can move more than just one mountain? Hello! At least we don’t sit behind the elderly couple that rubs each other’s butts during worship anymore or act like they’re about to make out at any second. Doodling flowers, hearts and your name over and over can’t even distract you enough from that kind of nonsense.

Loki: Ewww! I don’t know who you are talking about, but I'm so glad I have not witnessed it! Although, I have witnessed some overly affectionate people in church because let's face it… church is so sexy. What is up with the urge to doodle during church? It's like all of a sudden, if I have a pen & paper in my hand, I feel like I am in the 10th grade again. I always write my full name and date at the top right corner of my sermon notes every time. (Except my last name has changed so that always messes me up.) I also seem to not recognize as many people as I used to at church. Stella and I decided we could sit on the opposite side of church and people would think we were guests. Maybe we should sit on the other side next time.. you know, to connect with our “church family." Whatdya think? I could pretend to be a famous folk singer down from Nashville for the weekend visiting my Aunt Mae.. (I will be sure to wear the “picnic table” dress and boots to add to the character.) And you can go as my assistant. (Wear your black secretary skirt, ruffled pink shirt, and glasses of course!) Or we could pretend to be from Britain… I've been working on my British accent (so when I meet Robward, he will think we share hometowns!) Then we will have to come up with a new back story but it could be fun.

Stella: It's only fair that for every time you mention stupid Robward, I am going to talk about Sammy. And here he is at his first big boy game.

PUT ME IN COACH! Please!!! I gotta earn this $50 million cuz I'm a good ole boy with good ole fashioned morals! I PAY ATTENTION during church!!!

Please feel free to share your confessions with us... After all, this is a safe space... and we promise we won't tell!

The GLUB GLUB Bug

Stella: Unfortunately, Loki is not at work today (and I am stuck here doing her job- blah.) We know how much our readers would still like to have something to do to fill their empty lives (okay- or boring work day) so today we are presenting you with a bantering special. Without further ado, I would like to introduce to you our very first guest banterer : The one & only Nana Bess. (By the way, she used to own the outfit pictured here.)

NanaBess: So... Stella.. what is it with this exercise program we have been dedicated to that is NOT working? Why isn't the glub glub falling off? I want to see results! I am beginning to get weary of getting up so early every stinking morning to exercise without seeing ANY results… I feel like I am not making any progress! Are we just building up muscles running up the road and therefore, our fat is just turning to muscle? Although they say fat never really turns into muscle! So why isn't the FAT falling off???
Stella: Glub glub makes me think of a slug. I don't want to be a slug. We have been running 2 miles every morning for 3 weeks now & doing Pilates as well. I feel like I should look like a super model after all of this hard work instead of looking like I did when I was 6 months pregnant. But have you ever seen what fat really looks like when they do lipo? They suck it all out and stick it in a bag. UGH! And then they toss it into the dumpster that Brad Pitt climbs in and uses it to make soap out of… (Sorry, Mom I know you won’t get the Fight Club reference.) Anyway, it's disgusting. And just think- that's what is in your glub glub.


NanaBess: Gross Stella! Maybe we should do more Pilates? Or do more crunches or leg lifts or… ?


Stella: I think that maybe we shouldn't just sit around all night on the couch watching the HGTV network. Maybe that would help!! Maybe laying around watching people buy and renovate houses for hours on end is being counterproductive. Although, last night it was all about Project Runway…


NanaBess: NOW NOW! Don't go blaming HGTV!!! That’s no fair! I mean, come on.. We don't sit around eating CAKE, or COOKIES, or BROWNIES or tons and tons of Homemade ice cream as we were doing before!


Stella: Well, I’m just saying. Maybe we should give up some of our couch potato time at night and join a Zumba class... or take up rowing! Hello?! Rowing! On the last episode of House Hunters the couple met on a rowing team! But I think I would need to join a rowing team by myself... I just can't take my mom with me everywhere. It makes me less cool than I already am. (Disclaimer: I am making a cake tonight for a little boy's birthday and I will need you to sample the frosting to make sure it is delicious. I can't afford those extra fat grams... It's pure butter cream!)


NanaBess: Not when your MOM is super cool like me.. Bess! Haha. And what the heck IS a ZUMBA class anyway?! Oh my... Cake!!! Well, without results showing up, I will be so tempted to try out the frosting and cake samples that you will have left over from the cake!!!! Oh no!!!!

Stella: I don't know… It’s an aerobic dance class? I hear it is all the rage. Like Spin classes! But who wants to ride stationary bikes? Not me. Auntie Choc Chip does Carmen Electra's Strip Tease dance with her daughters... YIKES! I wouldn't go that far… Maybe I should video you doing your hip hop routines from SYTYCD to post on here for all the viewer's to see. It is really the most hysterical sight in the world.


NanaBess: Why couldn't WE do the strip tease work out if Choc Chip does it with her daughters?

Stella: Because that is just disgusting. No daughter should ever be subject to watching her mom try to perform a strip tease. Sorry Cookie!!! No gyrations please! Although that just makes me think of Gyro because I’m so hungry for lunch... Yum.... But that's not on our diet.


NanaBess: I love to try to dance hip hop! Yeah! Let’s do a hip hop exercise program at night.. That will get us off the couch! But wait, I am not going to throw in another exercise program at night after I already started off my day getting all disgusting and sweaty... Plus I sacrifice my precious sleep time in the morning already. At night I deserve to just go to bed early! It should be the reward to getting up early and getting the exercise done for the day! CHECK! I just hate getting on to measure my results on the Wii Fit... Its shows NO IMPROVEMENT!!!!.



Stella: I hate that stupid Wii too. It makes my little person's tummy pop out of her shirt after it weighs me and says "OH!" when I step on it. That doesn't help your self esteem any. Why doesn’t it just have a little Wii person call you names like “Tubby” or “Lard-o” or “Fat Face?” Maybe that’d be more helpful.

Measuring.... Measuring... Measuring.... How did Nana Bess do??

Mini Me

Stella: Last night before bed Bella said to me, “I love you, Mommy… and I love Bitty (her baby doll)… and I love tooting…” Isn’t that wonderful? Nothing makes me feel more loved than knowing my child enjoys me just as much as she does tooting. But as her mom, I think everything she does is wonderful. Even when she's being ornery & disgusting.

Loki: How lovely. Don’t you like tooting yourself? It is a great relief. Scratch that… I am not going to continue writing about tooting. I do love how Bella says, “I love you...” She always says it at random times when I am playing with her. And I also like how she will give me kisses when I leave. I am sure this won’t always be the case. When do they grow out of that? Please Bella… Stay 3 forever. I liked age 3. I am sure 4 will be just as wonderful. She is starting to get a little bossy though. My baby doesn’t say anything cute yet.

Stella: Oprah says you should pass gas 14 times a day though so apparently it is something everyone should be doing a lot. Sorry, your daughter doesn’t say anything cute yet, but she does have some of the raunchiest farts I’ve ever, ever smelled. I was embarrassed when I was pushing her around Target and she let one rip. Everyone who came near us was probably thinking I was letting her hang out in a poopy diaper or that I was disgusting.

Back to my beloved Bella, I do wish she could stay 3. I think age 4 is going to be much harder than 3. I hate disclipling her 24-7 and she is getting to be very bossy and starting to pick up a lot of attitude. But in her defense, she has 4 different adults bossing her around every day so she just talks and acts like we do. I have said this before, but I didn’t ever think that someday I would have to discipline myself at age 3. Why did no one ever tell me that your child could quite possibly act just like you in every way possible? I just hoped that she didn’t come out with my nose (which she didn’t! Whew!) But still. She’s moody. She’s picky. She throws fits when she doesn’t get to pick out her clothes and I pick out the wrong ones that are TOO TIGHT!! Shall I go on?

Loki: Oh yes, we all know she acts JUST LIKE YOU. Now you will realize how super irritating and frustrating it can be when her switch flips! (Everyone that knows you, knows exactly what I am talking about!) Sheesh... it’s a rough ride sometimes! Poor dear Bella. Let's just hope Baby Blue only looks like me and doesn’t inherit my extreme case of overreacting. (I cant help it!!) Big T thinks this is something that can be disciplined out of her if she so chooses to take on this trait of her momma's. I just roll my eyes at him. Has he met me?? He thinks I do this on purpose? I am really not that bad, right? (I think Bella might have got some of my overreacting tendencies as well. Hopefully Blue won't get anything from her aunt, or her daddy will be very upset...) He also thinks clumsiness can be genetically passed down to Blue too. (How can clumsiness be inherited?) He seriously doesn’t think I am athletic and doesn’t understand how I was able to play sports all those years. Someone once asked me if I had ever had my equilibrium checked! Well, time will tell with Baby Blue… for now I get to enjoy watching you discipline your little “Mini Stella."

Did you ever wear matching outfits like your mom? This one is pretty....

Hot or Cold?

Loki: Vacations should be fun no matter where you go. My family is trying to plan a winter vacation right now, and we are trying to decide where to go- to the beach or to ski. Originally we were just going to go skiing, but Batman may have a bum leg & couldn’t participate. So Nana Bess and I have been researching some all inclusive resorts to try out instead. However, there is some argument amongst the family concerning a beach trip. I am getting excited because I have been on a few tropical vacations, and I LOVED it! You didn’t have to worry about paying for anything… Tipping is not allowed… You can eat and drink to your heart’s desire. There is so much to do that is included as well- snorkeling, scuba diving, boat cruises, water volleyball, sailboats, etc. And if you want to get off of the resort, you can add an excursion and go climb up a waterfall, zipline, dune buggy, horseback riding or swim in a cave. Well apparently, the beach is not good enough for some. They will only go on a cruise. Now I have never been on a cruise so I might be wrong… but I don’t want to be stuck on a boat with 30,000 people (or however many people are there) and I don’t want to pay extra for my diet cokes…or my margaritas. I don’t want to worry about tipping and I don’t want to “de-port” with everyone and be BACK on time and so forth. Ugh. I have heard many people love cruises so maybe I am missing something. However, I do NOT want to go on a cruise with a baby. Better hope Batman’s leg is healed or we are fighting! (Isn’t this the way family vacations should start anyway?!)

Stella: Well, I'd rather just go skiing myself. Going to the beach would be fun, but how weird is it to just lay around half naked and drunk in front of your family... just kidding. I would personally just want to go to the beach with friends & or with a significant other. But that won't be happening any time soon... Bummer. And as far as cruise goes.. Hello! Did no one else watch the Titanic? You know, the worst movie in the entire world about a horrendous cruise ship & people dying! I have serious issues with that movie and the whole Celine Dion singing/naked drawing/big awful gaudy diamond/I’ll never let go CRAP. But my paranoia is not that the ship is going to hit an iceberg in the middle of a tropical ocean. I am just saying that I could not breathe in a tiny claustrophobic room shoved in between 1 million other tiny rooms. I would hyperventilate and freak out and it won’t be pretty… Sorry family, I am just like that. I will not go and there is no point trying to convince me that it’s not that bad. I could barely walk from the elevator to my classroom on the top floor of the downtown library because both sides of the walkway were made of glass. I am terrified of heights & glass walls. I thought about dropping the class because of it. During the entire class, I just kept thinking about how I was going to get my legs to move and get my body back inside the elevator when it was over. I can’t even think about it now- it is making me nervous. Batman can just stay inside the condo and babysit the babies while we ski if he is hurting. End of discussion.

Loki: Ooooh good idea! Sorry Batman. Except Batman has to teach Blondie to ski. Although to be honest…if that’s all he is going to do than I bet his leg could handle that. It’s not like he will be able to go ski the blacks and blues with Big T and I. Seriously, how entertaining is it going to be to see Big T fall?!! I am doubly excited about this! BIG MAN FALL HARD- haha. I have prepared to accept that I will have to stay back with the baby at times, which is going to greatly hurt my competitive side. But I’m also counting on you getting tired and coming in every day at lunch to take over. (Isn’t that what you usually do?) I don’t know because I never ski with you or Nana Bess… Snow plowing down the greens is not my idea of fun. Okay, and back to this fear of heights you have: Would you ever live in a 2 story house? Will you walk out onto a balcony and feel safe or is it just the GLASS walls that freak you out? How do you ride on the chair lifts? I must say you have become quite the scaredy cat in your old age.

Stella: I love how you think that you & Big T are the world’s greatest skiers. Whatever. You guys & the rest of the family can go try to kill yourselves seeing how fast you can go and trying to beat each other down the mountain in one piece. I will have no problem skiing alongside my 4 year old and having no bruises and sores at the end of the day. And yes, I can only take the cold for so long & I am happy to come inside and play with babies instead. Being competitive is not in my nature. Unless it comes to throwing glorious birthday parties or something other than sports…

Also, let’s try to not act like I am some wack job. People are going to start questioning my sanity! I am not scared of being up only 2 stories high. I am talking extreme heights- although planes do not bother me. The exception to the 2 story rule is the mall but only because of their glass rails. I walk on the other side of them next to the store entrances. And I don’t like the chair lifts unless they have the bar that comes in front of you. I will hug the pole for dear life if there is not one. I don’t know when this started. I believe it stems from trust issues. I think I have been lied to so much that I have serious issues trusting people and this has manifested itself in not trusting things/objects unless they are tangible & I am able to feel safe near them. Dang, I should quit this job and just pretend to be a psychologist.






Vote now- Tropical or skiing? Or who will wipe out the hardest? I've got 20 bucks on The Man Child.

Fight Night

Loki: We apologize for the delay in posts this week. Stella and I have been fighting lately so we haven't worked on anything to post yet. Well, we're not really fighting, but we have had an overload in sisterly bonding time. So it was time for a break. We just can’t banter when we need some space. So I do apologize. We already work together (which you already know) and then we also spend a good majority of our weekend together too. So when we can't get away from each other for more than 2 minutes then we eventually start bickering about dumb things. (I would also like to mention that as I scribbled a note to Stella in church on Sunday…she edited and corrected my note before handing it back!)

Stella: Yes, thanks for that message Loki. And for the reader's pleasure I have compiled a list of 5 quick & simple things that you can do to irritate your sister. Feel free to try these at home.

1. If you are older, you can act like you know everything.

2. Try to give as much unwanted advice as possible.

3. Keep sharing your opinion even when it is still NOT WANTED.

4. Always act like YOU are the most mature person in the world.

5. Be sure you tell your mother that SHE is to blame (not you of course!)

Loki: Someone is still bitter, I see. I would like to add that the only reason you are irritated with me is because Nana Bess ASKED ME my input on the situation. I was speaking to HER, not YOU. And I didn't say anything bad anyway! Now for the audience's enjoyment, behold the I/M conversation that I had with our mother while I was already at work that caused Stella to become upset with me...

Nana Bess: Stella is sitting here contemplating calling in to work today.

Loki: Baby Blue really enjoyed the pool yesterday. Like she was splashing all around and having so much fun. She would "swim" back and forth to us (waving her arms and kicking her legs) It was really sweet. Then that other baby was there and NOT cute!

Nana Bess: oh...

Loki : I think I am just spoiled.

Nana Bess: ha/ha

Loki: That baby definitely looks cuter in her pictures. haha

Loki: Baby Blue was giving the baby kisses too. It was soo cute then some drunk lady was there dancing like a maniac... but Blue found it funny... so okay..

NanaBess: What is your input on Stella's decision to not come in to work? Any?

Loki: Why is Stella going to call in?

Loki: I don't want to be here either.

NanaBess: She is laying here on the floor... she just doesn't want to go to work today.. she has things to do...

Loki : My thought is if you are going to call in... you need to call before you are supposed to be here.

NanaBess: Well, she has 10 minutes... haha

Loki: Like she would need to call at 7 or whenever she decides she isn't going to come in. Like whenever I call in, I do it the mintue I wake up.

Loki: You can't wait until it's 9... "Oh, I just decided I'm not coming in today!"

Nana Bess: Yes.. I know you do.

Loki: I have things to do today too... but I have to work here. I hate it, she hates it... It's life. Call in on Wednesday if she wants to call in on a day. Do it before or whatever... I don't care. If she is going to call in then she needs to call Sparky herself and not just tell me.

So See? I was asked for my opinion. I was not talking to you. I was trying to talk to my mother about my baby and all she wanted to talk about was you calling in. I just didn't want to be here at work alone. Bleh. Maybe you should get mad at Nana Bess next time and compile a list of things she does to irritate you. I am so much older than you and so much more mature...obviously.

Stella: I would, but I am at home. Enjoying ANOTHER day off.

Do you feel better now?

Stuffed or Starved

Stella: I just wanted to say that I love food. I don’t understand people who don’t get excited about eating delicious things and “eat just because they have to.” We have nothing in common! My whole entire day is sometimes wrapped around what I am going to eat. My question each morning is: What’s for dinner? I am also what you might call a dessert-aholic. But it’s okay because I am not in denial. In fact, I possess the ability to be 2 entirely different people. There is “Stella on a Diet,” who only eats things like carrots while running in place & doing 30 jumping jacks… And then there is “Stella NOT on a Diet,” who knows that this cookie is going straight to my hips and I just don’t care… I’ll have 3 more!

Loki: Oh yes, you are very Jekyll & Hyde with your dieting. Can I just say that you are much happier when you are in the "Stella NOT on a diet" mode?! She is the fun one... I hate to diet. But if I’m not on a diet, I overindulge too. Desserts are not my weakness though- Mine is Bread! I can eat a whole order of Chinese fry bread! (I made myself sick one time doing that. But Big T doesn’t like bread, which is why that order of fry bread was ALL mine!) I always eat all of his left-over crust from his pizza. That sentence sounds gross.. But really, he just gives me his scraps. Then I feel like I just stuffed my face. It’s not good when you eat more than your manly man husband...

I will say that our family has some serious willpower though. If I AM on a diet then I will not cheat. I think I went an entire year of eating no carbs. I lost some serious weight…and a gallbladder because of it too. I do better on diets that tell me exactly what to not eat other than to try to just eat healthy. There is some serious misrepresentation on “healthy” options! Stella & I looked up the nutritional menu to Zio’s. I was going to get a salad, but even the Grilled Chicken SALAD was 1270 calories and 66 grams of fat!!! Meanwhile, the Fettuccini Alfredo was only 300 cal and 9g fat. Ridiculous.

Stella: What? You just like the "fat me" over the "skinny me." I agree- our family does have willpower. Just think about our aunt Chocolate Chip who runs marathons at age 40 and can therefore strut around in a bikini at the pool! Even ole Nana Bess has been running 2 miles with me & doing Pilates every morning! But dieting is a curse in our family. We go UP. We go DOWN. Our Gma Modern can talk day & night about different diets (as I’m sure Loki could too) and I just can’t help but wonder if I’m gonna have to still do this at that age. Why can’t we all just be naturally thin & live off of chocolate & icecream & cake?!!!

Loki: Yes please??! I would like to live off of pizza and Mexican food. I hate those dumb little skinny girls who can stuff their faces and never gain an ounce. Surely that catches up to them sometime. I don’t want to be on this diet for the rest of my life! Why can't you just work really hard and get to a perfect skinny size and then just be frozen there? (Like a vampire!) I have done all of the wierd diets out there... The Cabbage Soup diet. The Atkins Diet. Scarsdale diet, diet pills, and I even got the inside of my ear stapled once to help with weight loss. And I have had a body wrap that supposedly sucks out all the water weight.

Stella: Yeah, we're not NORMAL. Loki & I both have the very bad & unusual habit of chewing up something that we can’t resist and then just spitting it out in the trash instead of swallowing it. I shoved some French fries in my mouth the other day and decided right then that I probably shouldn’t eat them so I grabbed the McD’s bag to spit them out. As I did this, I was trying to show The Man Child how disgusting I am and the chew up ball of food accidentally fell out of my mouth onto him instead of in the bag. Hahah. Nothing is more fun than grossing your little brother out.

Loki: That is called an eating disorder... haha.. Even ChocChip will pig out on the weekends & eat as much food as she can in less than 2 seconds and then feel sick and moan for the rest of the night. :) But I'll admit that sometimes I'm so hungry at the end of the day and I dont have any good snack food to grab that all I can do is stick my finger in the peanut butter to eat before I starve to death!

By the way, can I just have cookies for dinner?

Let’s Play The Quiet Game

Loki: As if it weren’t apparent already, Stella and I work in a very small office. There are usually only 4-5 people here at a time. There has probably only been 7 people inside the building at one time. There are definitely some benefits to working in a small office, like how I usually never get to work at exactly 8:00. As long as I call and say I am going to be later than 30 minutes, it is no big deal. And nothing would really happen if I didn’t call either because we don’t have the big corporate rules to follow. (There is an employee handbook that I am sure was written in the 80’s and everything else is made up as we go.) So we don’t get written up or get pink slips for being tardy or for wearing something inappropriate. I even wear my holy jeans on casual Fridays.

Stella: I just wanted to NOT correct Loki for once so that everyone can see how she said that her jeans are holy. Hahah. I love pretending to be an English teacher.

Loki: Yes, they are DIVINE. Anyway, we do have to put up with some wonky things around here. For example, most days it is so stinking quiet in here it drives me nuts! There is no talking or music. I personally think I would thrive in a loud environment because I already talk loud (as do most of the people in my family) but I can’t talk loud here because everyone can already hear everything you say even if you whisper. I have to refrain from making jokes or even talking to myself (as we all like to do) because everyone can here everyone!

Stella: Loki does talk incredibly loud, but I am quite positive that her loudness is hereditary so she can’t help it. Although she used to scare my baby when she would come into the house screaming at the top of her lungs, and I’m pretty sure Big T has to tell her to lower her voice once a day. I have to get onto her throughout the day because she is so loud that everyone is getting to hear all of the family secrets!!!

But by far, the most annoying sound in the office would have to be Poodle clicking on her mouse. She takes her index finger and slams it down unnecessarily hard on the mouse making this loud tapping sound. It probably wouldn’t be so loud to us if there was any other noise. But there’s not. All we hear is her tap, tap, tapping.

Loki: I tried to mimick her once by seeing how hard you actually have to push on the mouse to make that TAP TAP TAP sound…and it is pretty hard. (I'm sure you all will try to do it now on your mouse as you read this!) She may be trying to work out some issues over there... Or maybe she is imagining it is Plug’s head. When we are both here I pretend that the others are not listening into our conversations, but occasionally I will catch Poodle smiling to herself at something we said. I know everyone is eavesdropping on us. I wish there was at least some music…even elevator music would do.

Stella: It’s like we aren’t even allowed to talk. We are in time-out! We must sit here quietly at our desks and not look or speak to anyone. I don’t know how they expect us to be sane after sitting in front of a computer screen for 8 hours in complete and utter silence.

Loki: A girl who used to work here got in trouble for talking. They wrote her up and told her she talked too much. She told me too many stories, and they said it was distracting. She quit shortly after. Wouldn’t you if you were told you weren’t allowed to correspond with your co-worker? Sigh… I miss her stories… Yesterday someone actually came in the office. (Woo! A visitor from the outside!) While she was sitting at my desk she proclaimed, “Man, You all are really busy!” I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or not. Did she mean that because it was dead silent we were all so busy with our jobs so that none of us could talk? Or did we appear to be dead because there was no noise? Then we both discussed how much we hated quiet offices as my co-workers pretended to be busy but listened in.

Stella: You can't help it. What’s really funny is when Loki tries to watch her beloved celebrity gossip clips on her computer. She will try to secretly hold the speaker to her ear as if no one can see her or hear her. She turns it down extremely low, but everyone knows what she's doing. Especially when she laughs out loud of nowhere!

Loki: I have resorted to bringing my i-pod too, which I am sure looks totally professional with me lip synching to some song that no one else can hear. Or maybe they can and they are all just ignoring me?

Stella: I think they all try to ignore us…Who wants to listen to us talk all day?

Guess what kind of things Loki watches at work...

Sleep Tight

Loki: I hate to brag, but I have an extremely happy baby! She laughs…she smiles… she coo’s… and she seldom cries. I was also very blessed that Baby Blue started sleeping through the night so early. (Stella was all kinds of jelly jelly!) But for the past month she has taken to waking up every 2-3 hours. And I don’t know why! Maybe she is teething or going through a growth spurt? What is going on? I can’t function on this sleep deprivation. So today, I’ve been scouring the internet in search of reasons why my precious baby is suddenly waking up in the middle of the night. The answer I have come up with: She is cold. She kicks and move around like a crazy person in her crib, and I am sure her blanket isn’t very heavy that she kicks it off. We always find her in weird contorted positions in the morning. I’ve also been putting her in a nightgown at night so that it is easier to change her diaper (Rather than try to snap 500 buttons.. Who decided to put buttons? Why not Velcro or something easy to do?) But that leaves her little legs bare. Don’t you feel sorry for her now? Poor little cold baby. I guess tonight we will turn the fan off and put her in a some footy pj’s, and get a heavier blanket and see if that helps. Momma needs some sleep.
Stella: Momma is a nut job that’s what she is. Are you kidding me? You just wrote a whole paragraph on why you think you are sleep deprived?! (You’re not!) Yes, I’m all kinds of jealous (or jelly jelly although I’ve never actually heard anyone else use that term to convey jealousy) because MY BABY did not sleep through the night until… I don’t know? 9 months maybe? People think I’m exaggerating (which I do tend to do a lot) but not when it comes to Bella’s first year of life. She cried… She screamed… She cried some more… She couldn’t nurse properly.. And she wouldn’t sleep! Why, I could write a whole entire rant about how difficult it was to nurse that child! But instead, I will just say that you need to calm yourself down. It’s called having a baby, which means you don’t get to sleep anymore. You should be THANKFUL that for the past 6 months you have been able to go to bed at 8 p.m. and snooze away until 8 a.m. My advice: Put some socks on the child to make you feel better. And remember, she’s 6 months old, which means she’s growing & teething. That will affect her sleeping pattern & continue to mess up her routine. Get used to it. They get 20 of them!
What are you jelly jelly about?

A Strange Change

Stella: What is up with all these people changing in my life?! First of all, my dad goes outside and exercises DAILY! He never exercised once when I was younger. And at night, he’ll sit down with a cup of green tea, and I can't help but think to myself, "Who is this person? Since when did he become a healthy Englishman?” Then there is my tight-wad mother who will take my daughter to the store & buy her anything she asks for… It goes something like this… “Nana, Can I have this pink milk?” and Nana says, “Sure!” (Now, why does Bella need pink milk?! Are we too lazy to add our own strawberry syrup at home?) But Nana Bess just adds it to her cart. I’m telling you, we never got anything extra when we were kids! We would go to the store & not even be allowed to get a 33 cent candy bar! We only got to eat at McDonald’s if it was our birthday, and I’m sure even then we weren’t allowed to get a Happy Meal. Even my sister is acting like this coo-coo crafty person and making all of these girly crafts and doing all these girly things that she's never done in her whole entire life!!! (See previous post on such matters.) And last but not least, my grandparents, who are old-fashioned farm folk, have a little fancy dog that they dress up in bows & take to the vet to be groomed. They would have never even allowed a dog into their house before this or spent money on such frivolous things. Well, maybe I should try to join the club and start doing something drastically different as well... ?

Loki: Maybe you should tell Bella no! That would be drastically different! Ha, I’m only kidding.. I witnessed you telling her no just yesterday. Maybe you could die your hair… red? You’ve never been a red head, right? Or stop editing me? Or how about you wear glasses for a year? (Oh yeah you already have to do that because of the conjunctivitis!) Hmm.. my ideas aren’t very good… (And you didn’t think I would get the word conjunctivitis in one of these posts, did you? OH I DID!) Yes, it is weird to see how much our mom, Nana Bess, has changed concerning her spending habits. But to be fair, she does have more money now. She is the grandma, and grandmas are supposed to spoil their grandchildren. However, she still can’t go shopping with us without commenting about the price of everything we buy. She hates that we pick something out to buy without even looking at the price. (Well, gee it’s just a spool of ribbon, Mom! How expensive can it be!) And the little rat dog that Gma Old-Fashion and Gpa have really weirds me out. Especially when they want to tell me about what the dog did like it’s their kid or something! They must have a delayed case of empty nest syndrome.

Vote now. Which change is more strange?

Feed Me!

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Stella: It's Friday. I'm hungry. And no one is here to feed me.

Loki: Seriously, you are ridiculous! If I didn’t go get food for Stella every day she would starve! Well, maybe not starve, but she wouldn't eat. She'd just wait until dinner time when Mommy Bess feeds her. Not only will she never go get food to eat for lunch, it's like pulling teeth trying to get her to decide what to eat. The girl is so indecisive. It's nuts. I will even go get her something to eat even when I’ve brought my lunch for the day. What a nice sister I am! I don’t know if it is because I’m so much older that I feel the need to take care of her or if I just don’t want to listen to her complain about how hungry she is for the rest of the day. The only time she will go pick up her own food is if: A. We are fighting that day or B. I'm going to a healthy spot that she doesn’t want to partake in. Even when I was 9 months pregnant and it was icy outside she still made me walk across the street to fetch the food from our fav burger joint! She does trade off paying for lunch so that's something I guess. Every now & then she will call in orders for us, but I think that’s just because of her love of BTT (our fav taco place).

Stella: Well, I can't say that's not entirely true. I do love BTT with all my heart... But the rest of it is quite an exaggeration! Like it was probably your pregnant cravings that led you across the street for a juicy burger. And I'm sure I watched you out the window to make sure you didn't fall down or decide to eat my burger on the way back. haha. Why do you feel like being 12 months and 11 days older than me has made you feel so responsible for my well being? By the way, I do bring my own lunch sometimes & feed myself. Also I can't recall a single time that you went to get me food when you didn't get something for yourself.

And I can make decisions! Like I decided I'm not going to go pick up the food, but I decided I will pay for it and that I'd like a Diet Coke and chips as well... I'm just not good at choosing where to eat, but once we pick where you are going, I don't make you come up with my order. I can't help it if you decide to do something that I don't want to do. It's not like I'm incapable of feeding myself.. I just like being fed!

Loki: Hey, I like being fed too. I LOVE when someone else cooks or brings me food. It just doesn't happen every day like it does for you... or ever now that I think about it. But why are we speaking of food? I am on a diet right now! And you are supposed to be too, which means we cannot partake in such delicious (and fattening) places for another month at least. Quit putting up pictures of mouth-watering hamburgers. Just thinking about BTT & hamburgers is going to make my lunch of yogurt and tomatoes taste like…well, yogurt and tomatoes. Do you remember last week (when you weren't on a diet) and you asked me, “If you weren’t on a diet…where would you go eat?” Just so you could decide where to go to feed your own face! That was mean.

What do you want to eat for lunch? Or maybe you'd rather wear the Hamburger Dress...