Stella: Unfortunately, Loki is not at work today (and I am stuck here doing her job- blah.) We know how much our readers would still like to have something to do to fill their empty lives (okay- or boring work day) so today we are presenting you with a bantering special. Without further ado, I would like to introduce to you our very first guest banterer : The one & only Nana Bess. (By the way, she used to own the outfit pictured here.)NanaBess: So... Stella.. what is it with this exercise program we have been dedicated to that is NOT working? Why isn't the glub glub falling off? I want to see results! I am beginning to get weary of getting up so early every stinking morning to exercise without seeing ANY results… I feel like I am not making any progress! Are we just building up muscles running up the road and therefore, our fat is just turning to muscle? Although they say fat never really turns into muscle! So why isn't the FAT falling off???
Stella: Glub glub makes me think of a slug. I don't want to be a slug. We have been running 2 miles every morning for 3 weeks now & doing Pilates as well. I feel like I should look like a super model after all of this hard work instead of looking like I did when I was 6 months pregnant. But have you ever seen what fat really looks like when they do lipo? They suck it all out and stick it in a bag. UGH! And then they toss it into the dumpster that Brad Pitt climbs in and uses it to make soap out of… (Sorry, Mom I know you won’t get the Fight Club reference.) Anyway, it's disgusting. And just think- that's what is in your glub glub.
NanaBess: Gross Stella! Maybe we should do more Pilates? Or do more crunches or leg lifts or… ?
Stella: I think that maybe we shouldn't just sit around all night on the couch watching the HGTV network. Maybe that would help!! Maybe laying around watching people buy and renovate houses for hours on end is being counterproductive. Although, last night it was all about Project Runway…
NanaBess: NOW NOW! Don't go blaming HGTV!!! That’s no fair! I mean, come on.. We don't sit around eating CAKE, or COOKIES, or BROWNIES or tons and tons of Homemade ice cream as we were doing before!
Stella: Well, I’m just saying. Maybe we should give up some of our couch potato time at night and join a Zumba class... or take up rowing! Hello?! Rowing! On the last episode of House Hunters the couple met on a rowing team! But I think I would need to join a rowing team by myself... I just can't take my mom with me everywhere. It makes me less cool than I already am. (Disclaimer: I am making a cake tonight for a little boy's birthday and I will need you to sample the frosting to make sure it is delicious. I can't afford those extra fat grams... It's pure butter cream!)
NanaBess: Not when your MOM is super cool like me.. Bess! Haha. And what the heck IS a ZUMBA class anyway?! Oh my... Cake!!! Well, without results showing up, I will be so tempted to try out the frosting and cake samples that you will have left over from the cake!!!! Oh no!!!!
Stella: I don't know… It’s an aerobic dance class? I hear it is all the rage. Like Spin classes! But who wants to ride stationary bikes? Not me. Auntie Choc Chip does Carmen Electra's Strip Tease dance with her daughters... YIKES! I wouldn't go that far… Maybe I should video you doing your hip hop routines from SYTYCD to post on here for all the viewer's to see. It is really the most hysterical sight in the world.
NanaBess: Why couldn't WE do the strip tease work out if Choc Chip does it with her daughters?
Stella: Because that is just disgusting. No daughter should ever be subject to watching her mom try to perform a strip tease. Sorry Cookie!!! No gyrations please! Although that just makes me think of Gyro because I’m so hungry for lunch... Yum.... But that's not on our diet.
NanaBess: I love to try to dance hip hop! Yeah! Let’s do a hip hop exercise program at night.. That will get us off the couch! But wait, I am not going to throw in another exercise program at night after I already started off my day getting all disgusting and sweaty... Plus I sacrifice my precious sleep time in the morning already. At night I deserve to just go to bed early! It should be the reward to getting up early and getting the exercise done for the day! CHECK! I just hate getting on to measure my results on the Wii Fit... Its shows NO IMPROVEMENT!!!!.
Stella: I hate that stupid Wii too. It makes my little person's tummy pop out of her shirt after it weighs me and says "OH!" when I step on it. That doesn't help your self esteem any. Why doesn’t it just have a little Wii person call you names like “Tubby” or “Lard-o” or “Fat Face?” Maybe that’d be more helpful.
Stella: Glub glub makes me think of a slug. I don't want to be a slug. We have been running 2 miles every morning for 3 weeks now & doing Pilates as well. I feel like I should look like a super model after all of this hard work instead of looking like I did when I was 6 months pregnant. But have you ever seen what fat really looks like when they do lipo? They suck it all out and stick it in a bag. UGH! And then they toss it into the dumpster that Brad Pitt climbs in and uses it to make soap out of… (Sorry, Mom I know you won’t get the Fight Club reference.) Anyway, it's disgusting. And just think- that's what is in your glub glub.
NanaBess: Gross Stella! Maybe we should do more Pilates? Or do more crunches or leg lifts or… ?
Stella: I think that maybe we shouldn't just sit around all night on the couch watching the HGTV network. Maybe that would help!! Maybe laying around watching people buy and renovate houses for hours on end is being counterproductive. Although, last night it was all about Project Runway…
NanaBess: NOW NOW! Don't go blaming HGTV!!! That’s no fair! I mean, come on.. We don't sit around eating CAKE, or COOKIES, or BROWNIES or tons and tons of Homemade ice cream as we were doing before!
Stella: Well, I’m just saying. Maybe we should give up some of our couch potato time at night and join a Zumba class... or take up rowing! Hello?! Rowing! On the last episode of House Hunters the couple met on a rowing team! But I think I would need to join a rowing team by myself... I just can't take my mom with me everywhere. It makes me less cool than I already am. (Disclaimer: I am making a cake tonight for a little boy's birthday and I will need you to sample the frosting to make sure it is delicious. I can't afford those extra fat grams... It's pure butter cream!)
NanaBess: Not when your MOM is super cool like me.. Bess! Haha. And what the heck IS a ZUMBA class anyway?! Oh my... Cake!!! Well, without results showing up, I will be so tempted to try out the frosting and cake samples that you will have left over from the cake!!!! Oh no!!!!
Stella: I don't know… It’s an aerobic dance class? I hear it is all the rage. Like Spin classes! But who wants to ride stationary bikes? Not me. Auntie Choc Chip does Carmen Electra's Strip Tease dance with her daughters... YIKES! I wouldn't go that far… Maybe I should video you doing your hip hop routines from SYTYCD to post on here for all the viewer's to see. It is really the most hysterical sight in the world.
NanaBess: Why couldn't WE do the strip tease work out if Choc Chip does it with her daughters?
Stella: Because that is just disgusting. No daughter should ever be subject to watching her mom try to perform a strip tease. Sorry Cookie!!! No gyrations please! Although that just makes me think of Gyro because I’m so hungry for lunch... Yum.... But that's not on our diet.
NanaBess: I love to try to dance hip hop! Yeah! Let’s do a hip hop exercise program at night.. That will get us off the couch! But wait, I am not going to throw in another exercise program at night after I already started off my day getting all disgusting and sweaty... Plus I sacrifice my precious sleep time in the morning already. At night I deserve to just go to bed early! It should be the reward to getting up early and getting the exercise done for the day! CHECK! I just hate getting on to measure my results on the Wii Fit... Its shows NO IMPROVEMENT!!!!.
Stella: I hate that stupid Wii too. It makes my little person's tummy pop out of her shirt after it weighs me and says "OH!" when I step on it. That doesn't help your self esteem any. Why doesn’t it just have a little Wii person call you names like “Tubby” or “Lard-o” or “Fat Face?” Maybe that’d be more helpful.
Measuring.... Measuring... Measuring.... How did Nana Bess do??
You both are crazy in the head! If you took the extra weight off of the two of you there wouldn't be enough to make a newborn baby! Stella, just because society says you should weigh less than 100 lbs. doesn't mean it would look good! Bess, you are my age...you wear a two piece swimsuit...AND you look great in it! I don't understand either one of you and your logic!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know 'back in the day' let's say Rembrandt days when they painted rich ladies I seem to remember they were quite 'plump!' which is a nice word now for 'glub glub' and everyone wanted to look like them because it meant you were a success in life. Maybe we should enjoy all the extras we are able to enjoy since we live in the 21st century..heck with all the concern about terriorists and energy/global warming..let's just go eat a hamburger which I will do tonight.. thinking of Nanabess and Stella while I do. So says Gma Modern.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments, yet I'm still working on trying to get rid of my glub glub. I go back and forth, do I just accept this aging body and get used to a bigger size, or work to keep the size I've been for the last 10 years. Here's a quote from a recent book I've read "By age 13, 53 percent of American girls are unhappy with their bodies, and by age 17, 78 percent are dissatisfied." Another "models today weigh 23 percent less than the average woman." And above all, lets remember God's Word "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" Prov 31:30.. it's all about balance.
ReplyDeleteAunt Young
Gee, I must comment! I will fight the good fight till the dAY i DIE! I dont want to get fat or old. I cant control the old, but I can have something to say about getting fat. I admit I am a little obsessive, but I dont know how to change that. I havent done carmen electra since like forever ago. I now do a yoga Booty ballet workout on the days I don't run, It is a super good workout. It works you core, booty, arms, and its got fun dancing type moves too. Curls likes it too, so much that she got her one. And....tomorrow I will be 25 ( 40s are the new 20s) so I will continue to fight the good fight. Now, if I could work on my inner beauty just as much that would be something!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow.. .nice comments everyone. It has been a priviledge to "guest banter". I am so glad everyone had an opinion to share. Thanks for each one! ANd yes.. you are ALL right, of course! And I will try to be more "balanced" and work on that inner beauty too! :)
ReplyDelete