Stella: Last night Nana Bess & I watched The Last Song. I know you can’t stand Miley Cyrus’ man voice, but once you were a good hour into it you stopped trying to see if she was going to act like Hannah Montana. The movie ended up being decent, and like I said, towards the end you sort of liked her character. The stupid thing about the movie was that she fell in love with some dreamy guy from the beach in less than 1 minute. "Mr. Volleyball Stud at the Beach with No Shirt On" crashed into her while she was passing by causing her to spill her milkshake all over herself. That was it, folks. True Love. The boy followed her around for the next 2 scenes in which she pretended to ignore him and be rude, which made him only more head-over-heels for her.
At this point, I began to secretly plot a trip to the beach in which I would buy a milkshake and carry it with me all over until some gorgeous man plowed into me. Because if I could make that happen, I know I could totally pull off the rude & silent treatment with an attitude like "I’m not interested in you.." (Even though you are obviously attractive and following me around like I am wonderful.) It wouldn’t be a stretch for me at all!
Or maybe I should get a friend to go to the local carnival with me, and a good looking country boy would be there with his friend. He would spot me from a distance laughing in the bumper cars, (and looking like a model,) and that would be it too! He would follow me all the way to the Ferris wheel and dangle there, holding on for dear life with only one hand, until I agreed to go out with him. Fine! If I must....
Or perhaps I should learn to peel an apple in one piece so that when I meet the man I’ve been stalking on the radio, he will just KNOW that it is true love when he sees me and touches my hand…
But I guess it would just be easier if I could just go drop my purse in the water at the end of a pier and a big sexy man would jump in to save it for me…
Seriously. The thing I hate most about chick flicks is that they just fall in love instantly. I mean, usually there is a montage of love scenes for the audience to enjoy that is supposed to demonstrate their love growing for each other. Usually this involves scenes of the happy couple together horseback riding, going on picnics, cuddling in the car, watching the stars, laying on the beach, walking in the sunset, making out in the rain… All of the things I have never done once in my REAL life. They share their life stories in a matter of minutes & talk on such deep levels that everything they say is inspiring, witty and charming.
On top of that, these Nicholas Sparks movies/books are too just predictable for me. Someone is always sick. (Yes, they will die at the end so that you will cry.) The guy is usually a bad boy or in the cool crowd so the girl doesn’t fit in, (even though she’s both smart & beautiful.) Or the girl is way too good for him & he doesn’t fit in, (so vice versa.) One of them is usually richer than the other, (causing a lot of acceptance issues with the rich, snobby family…Which I am totally prepared to deal with! Haha) And in the end, they always find out something, (about each other) that they didn’t know, (usually a secret they were hiding from their past-oh no!) and they part ways because they feel so betrayed.. (“I trusted you! Even though we fell in love in less than 2 minutes!”) But at the end of the day, (and in time to wrap up the 120 minute movie,) they come to their sense about true love.
Ah Gee. Too bad the real world is not some dumb movie.
Loki: Aww… I do love a good sappy love story, but I also like those that you can actually see the characters fall in love. The instantaneous love-at-first-sight crap is ridiculous. Movies always fall a little short when they are based on romantic books. You read about the love connection for at least 100-something pages and then they have to cut half of it out to put it in a movie. Take Twilight for example! (haha- Didn’t you know I would bring this up?!) If you didn’t read the books and just watched the movies, you might not understand the love connection…or why it happened really fast. Irregardless, chick flicks are pretty cheesy and not realistic. Movies are just meant to imitate life. I think we want to watch things that couldn’t really happen. It’s called fantasy. We want to believe that someone can instantly fall in love with us by just looking into our eyes. (However, I would punch someone in the gut if they followed me around like that. Go away, stalker.) Otherwise, they would just be documentaries… How boring. There is a movie out called Paper Heart and it looked like a chick flick so I ordered it. But actually, it’s a stinking documentary about that funny girl (whose name I don't know) who doesn’t believe in love. So she interviews her semi-famous friends to talk about it. I turned it off in 5 minutes. See … not entertaining. If movies were realistic, then people would be dashing off to romantic places every time you turned around… And if you fell in love that quickly, wouldn’t you fall in love all the time?
Why, once upon a time, I laid eyes on this man in a bingo t-shirt who was playing pool at a bar. He walked over and tilted my head to the side, (to take a better look at my eyebrow ring,) and said “Oooh.. I like that.” And I instantly fell in love! Oh wait, No.. But he did really tilt my head… and I think sang a song in my ear later that night while we pretended to dance. (Garth Brooks- All My Exes Live in Texas- if you were wondering) Now doesn’t that just sound like a fairytale? For the movie, we’ll just add a beach and a romantic sun setting to portray me & Big T and our first meeting… I actually thought he was ridiculous trying to serenade me with Garth Brooks. We didn’t run off and get married, and we spent the next couple of months getting to KNOW each other before falling in love. It took another 4 years to get married! Are you going to vomit now that I mentioned Big T and I in your “Love Story” post? I could mention a lot of other material that film makers wouldn’t add into our story line… But maybe one day they will make one about your life and how Sammy saw you in the crowd watching him play football and instantly thought “I’m in love with that mysterious girl sitting there!”
Stella: Yes, and then he’d break up with me once he found out that I wrote a blog about him, (back in my past, of course,) where I said I was only after his $50 million… (But I’ve changed Sammy! It was only about the money AT FIRST…until I really knew you!) But after my dog dies, he’d come back to comfort me, (since I love animals in this story,) & bring the flip flop that I lost when I ran off after our fight… (It slipped off in the rain you see- which is always needed for a more dramatic effect & is romantic as long as my makeup stays on perfectly…) He puts it on my foot as he professes his love, and Voila! It fits so we know that it is destiny! (Although I wear a size 8 so it’d fit most anyone…) He’d whisk me away on his horse (err- probably more like a Bentley) just in time to rescue me from my evil step mother… (okay- or from having to live with my parents until I’m 45.) The End. Time to roll the credits and play a sappy love song (that I will sing myself from my new upcoming album Sammy is producing.)
Sorry to spoil the fun, but I really have no physical attraction to Sam Bradford, but he's the only material we’ve got right now. Also. I just want to say that my ALL TIME favorite chick flick would probably have to be When Harry Met Sally. Ah, Gush Gush, Gush. Oh, I just love Meg Ryan in that film… It was WAY before she jacked up her lips with too much collagen! Now there’s a movie where you can see them fall in love! And that’s all I’m asking for…
Also, I don’t know why everything makes you think of Twilight. It’s really annoying.
We know you have an opinion! The movie bashing/loving begins now!