Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Poo Poo Platter

Disclaimer: Read at your own risk. The following post may cause feelings of uneasiness, nausea, vomiting, and in some severe cases, passing out.
Stella: The skies are dark this morning and painted in shades of gray. The trees bend as the wind swirls through their branches. The air is thick and soon the rain will water the earth. I can smell the strong aroma of coffee brewing and sip my drink as I ponder many thoughts about my life…

Okay, enough of that! I tried to distract myself by writing a ridiculous narrative about the weather (like something that you might read in someone else’s blog who is more proper & refined,) but the only thing I can really think about …..is my brother’s poop.

That's right. I share a bathroom with my little brother. The arrangement we made when I moved back home is that if he keeps the bathroom cleaned up then I will do his laundry. (Now that stupid deal I made with him is another story.)
However, the problem is that The Man Child will sit in the bathroom for hours at a time pooping in the toilet. The toilet can no longer stand the vast amount of poop he has dumped into it over the years and will no longer flush all of it at one time. (I think it’s protesting.) So being the disgusting 19 year old male that he is, he will flush it once and leave the room without checking to see if all 100 lbs of it did indeed go down the toilet.
You think I’m exaggerating when I describe HOW MUCH poo there is and this is really what baffles me. I guess it is a guy thing because I do not how so much bodily waste can come out of a person in one setting!
Smelling and seeing my brother’s crap lingering in the toilet every morning that I wake up does not put me in a good mood. In fact, the bathroom permanently smells of poop because it is left in the toilet to just marinate & roast for hours on end until someone finds it. Someone being ME. Air freshener & candles can barely disguise the foul lingering stench… I can barely breath in there without a gas mask. By this time, The Man Child is in bed slumbering away after his giant bowel movement while I am left to clean up his feces.
This is NOT a sister’s job.

Loki: Ugh!!! I just threw up. This is gross. What makes you think I want to discuss The Man Child’s poo when I don’t even want to talk about your daughter Bella tooting? Hello?! Would you like me to tell you how I had to help Baby Blue poo? Alright.. I guess I will! My poor baby was so backed up she didn’t poo for an entire week. (Saying Poo makes me feel better than poop or crap..it just doesn’t sound as gross.)

She is the happiest baby on earth so this did not stop her from smiling and singing, but I knew she must be hurting since she hadn't gone in so long. Then I noticed her making the “pushing face” and then at last, she cried her little heart out. I thought that maybe she went, but when I checked it was still hanging out. So being the good mommy that I am, (Big T already protested to touch her poo,) I grabbed a wipee and tried to pull it out. We did this for a minute or two when finally I had to spread her little cheeks and out popped a massive terd! Disgusting.. but she was so relieved! After that she had 10 poopie diapers that I had to change. Seriously….10! Talk about mass amounts of poo coming out of a small, small body.
So was that too much info?? I would like to mention that overflowing the toilet with poo is not just a guy thing… It's a lazy boy thing. I have never had to walk into a dirty toilet in my house. Big T knows how to flush.

Stella: Ewww! I've never had to assist someone pooping, but I do have to wipe my daughter's rear end. "MOM, I'M DOOOOOOONE!!!!" Ahh.. I hate that phrase. You can teach them how to wipe themselves, but you can't trust them to do a good job & when it comes to poop you don't want to take any chances. Ah well, that's being a mom and I really have no problems with that. But The Man Child is NOT MY CHILD!

So did you make it to the end? How nasty was this post on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the grossest thing you've ever heard???


  1. Oh my!!! I have four boys, so I thought I'd heard it ALL! But! ...I guess not! However, I once again enjoyed the blog. I had a great, much needed laugh! So I give it a 9.675. Not on the gross scale, but the entertainment scale. I guess my man and my boys are professional flushers.

  2. Ok this is definitely i 10 on grossness and funny. I sat a my desk alone laughing out loud. Sorry Stella that you have to share a bathroom with your little brother. Wow, I am glad I haven't experienced this at my house either. Both the males in my house are quite good at raising the seat and flushing. Thanks for the laugh. Oh dear, I wonder what Gma modern will think when she reads such grossness. And the man CHild will for sure be mad at you.

  3. I would agree. This was a gross and poor subject. I was forwarnded that I would not enjoy todays blog and I didn't really. I have already had to HEAR in person multiple times about the not flushing and the lingering smells. Sorry. It is NOT my fault either. I did my job for 19 years now...What else can I say? Poo is a part of life.... but lets not blog about it anymore! THANKS! :)