50th Post Celebration!

This is our official 50th post! Thanks to all our fans for continuing to read our banter- and especially to Franny & Svetlana for making this video for us! And don't forget to leave us your comments!

Please click the following link to watch the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an_Kuy821Qo

Loki & Stella

So Sue Me.

Loki: I’ve decided that Stella is Sue Sylevester.

Stella: Why is that? That would make you my arch-nemisis, Will Schuster. You own more vests than the cast of Blossom.

Loki: You can be hateful and you do not sugar coat things… That is all SUE. Why am I your arch-nemisis? Do you hate me with a passion and everything I stand for? Am I responsible for the losers and all you want to do is keep me on bottom? Instead, maybe I am your pawn and head-Cheerio that you boss around and make spy on your arch-nemisis. I think our arch-nemisis (how many times can we say this word! ) is this place we spend the majority of our day….or maybe white leggings and yellow frilly tops…

Stella: Bella looked adorable in her yellow frilly top & white leggings this morning even with her tear stained face. Anyway, Please remember what we talked about this morning: Quality vs Quantity. You get a little carried away a lot & are way over-dramatic. Therefore I am re-naming you Rachel. What was up with singing a Paramore song at the end of the Britney Spears episode, by the way? So silly. She should have sang “I’m not a girl… not yet a woman…” Guess that would have been the predictable choice to make us all gag. Instead she sang a non-Britney song & cried during her performance of it. Blah. They didn’t even do “Womanizer” or “Oops I did it again.” What a shame.

Loki: Yes, I suppose.. It was pretty boring for a tribute show. I love how you put me down all the time…(like telling me you are tired of hearing me talk) . I think I would cast you as every snarky best friend. You could never be the nice girl. Which is weird because you were oh so sweet as a youngster.

Stella: Thanks! And I’ve got two words for you- Bye bye.

Loki: Oops!
…I did it again.
I made Stella mad
and now she won’t play with me.
Oh, baby; baby.
Oops!
… You think I would learn
That you cant make fuuuun
Or she will completely ignore you!


And that's what you missed on... GLEE!

Trash Day

Stella: We pay someone (what’s his name?) to come clean the office every night. But I swear the man doesn’t do anything but empty the trash. One time I dropped a pretzel on the floor by my desk and left it there to see how long it would take for him to sweep it up. Weeks went by and pretty soon I just gave in and threw it away myself. I’m also pretty sure that the only thing he does in the bathrooms is spray Lysol.

Loki: I don’t know what his name is but he can’t read. Plugs has tried to leave him notes before about doing extra cleaning and it never gets done. If they want someone to do extra they hire a different cleaning service. I know he cleans my desk because I am messy… and I leave crumbs all the time on the floor and they are always swept up. Maybe he thinks no one sits at your desk. I would like an extra $100 a week to empty the trashcans and spray Lysol. That would be the easiest cleaning job in the world. I could even do that cleaning job. Speaking of, do you feel up to making some extra dough? I think my house is in need of a good Stella cleaning. It would make Big T so happy (and me… I am tired of hearing about how I don’t wax the counter tops correctly.) I am sorry but I don’t think you should have to wipe and scrub the counter top with 3 different products (clean, shine, wax). Please let’s not discuss my cleaning handy capabilities.

Stella: No thanks. I will try not to discuss your cleanliness at home. But as far as the office goes, I do clean up Loki’s desk every Friday when I sit at it. She gets mad & spazzes out because “she can’t find things” on Monday. But it’s a mess. Paperclips & pens everywhere. Salt & pepper in the middle of the desk with paper tossed here & there. It also irritates me how no one else can install a new roll of toilet paper. And by install, I mean, pop the old one out & pop a new one in. Even Loki will just set a new roll on top of the sink rather than take the 2 seconds of effort it requires to put in the new roll.

Loki: Stella is delusional and obsessive compulsive. My desk is by far cleaner than anyone else here (minus Stella). She rearranges my desk so much and gets rid of “useless paper” which just happens to be phone numbers and passwords I need to do my job. She will put things like the stapler or tape in my desk… and I would rather it be easily accessible and ON MY DESK. I have to come back and search for things on Monday. Please note that I am only gone 1 day and Stella doesn’t HAVE to come over to my desk to work… she just can’t help it. Just leave it alone you say? Yeah Right! I think she likes to clean my desk because staring at PR's desk will give her an aneurysm.
Oh and I don’t even “install” toilet paper at home on a regular basis. Yes it seems rather easy to do but I guess when I am finding something to wipe with I am not paying attention to where the toilet paper is located…just as long as I have some in reach. Do you keep track of my bathroom usage? It has gone down considerably since I was with-child. I do not miss the extra peeing/puking time in the office bathroom.

Would this make you happpy Stella? You would never run out of toilet paper.... or really, you would probably only have one filled at a time.

What do you like to clean?

Swim Suits in January

Loki: Ahhh! Am I going to have to get in a bathing suit in 3 and a half months!?!! As you all know, we have planned a family vacay to go skiing this winter… but now Batman has to have yet another surgery which may hinder his ability to ski. We will have to cancel the ski trip and will probably go to the beach instead so that Batman can participate! Our father now has access to some cheap trips so a new booking may be in order. But this means that I will have to lose about 50 lbs and get 50 shades darker in a very short time. Can it be done? Stella just walked in with a weight loss shake and we both brought lettuce for lunch.

Stella: Ahhh! Another dieting post. Well it can't be avoided. Yes, I will need to start doing arm lifts and leg raises from here until January if I’m going to be anywhere near being ready to wear a swim suit in public. I always start out doing so well on Monday mornings, but usually by Monday afternoon I have a headache and then I lose all motivation. I’m not so worried about being tan… you can get a decent tan in about 3 weeks. You cannot get rid of a massive amount of glub glub & chub chub in that time. And dieting in December? This is unheard of… All that wonderful baking… All the delicious treats that everyone brings & gives to us at the office… I am being tortured already by the thought of it!

Loki: I forgot about the festivities of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Although I have dieted through those holidays before. You can always allow yourself a cheat meal. I recommend it. Except my cheat meal turns into cheat day which turns into cheat weekend….then Fridays are included. You see how it goes. What is the best way to lose mass weight? I have done several diets, and I guess I will just have to go back on one of them and yes, start working out. I am admitting to not working out in a long time. I will just have to do it after Blue goes to bed. I was hoping to avoid that because I don’t want to wait all day long to work out… You know, have to think about it and dread it all day. Also I am exhausted by the time the baby goes to bed that I just want to relax on the couch and watch some shows. Maybe I need to take a picture of myself and blow it up on the wall by the TV… and the kitchen to motivate myself. Gross, I wish we could just go skiing… You know bundle up in many layers and hide all this loveliness.

Stella: Yes, working out cannot be avoided. Bess & I joked that we should pretend we are on Survivor and only eat what we can find on the island. So mostly fruit… We could catch a chicken… They give you rice…

Loki: Well, didn’t you and Bess work out for a long time and even got up at the butt crack of dawn and neither of you lost weight? I was a hard core gym member, and I didn’t lose mass amounts of weight either. I think the tv show, The Biggest Loser, has scarred me. You think you should drop 5-10 lbs a week like they do and that just isn’t going to happen. Speaking of which, I didn’t start watching the new season again…

Stella: Yes, I don’t have time for The Biggest Loser anymore. I’m a busy little person (hah) and I already have a very packed tv schedule this fall. (Did you watch the new Survivor though? Jeff was getting a little angry at Tribal. Funny funny.) Plus, you aren’t 400 lbs so that might have to do something with why you can’t lose 20 lbs a week. By the way, did you happen to bring me some yogurt from your stash for when I’m melting away over here around 2?

Loki: Not that yogurt is that filling, but yes, I brought you some. Big T went to the store for me 2 weeks ago and I had yogurt on the list… He thought he would be funny and bought EVERY flavor they had. (Fat-free of course) So he came home with 30 different flavors! Can you imagine my surprise when I open a fridge to see a whole shelf dedicated to yogurt? He just asked me if I was ever going to eat it because it I still have like 15 left. Umm, yes, honey I am eating the yogurt- one a day! I cannot choke down anymore than that. I am afraid they are going to go bad so I am going to be the yogurt supply woman for me and Stella. Perhaps I should up my intake to 2 a day. And I don’t care what flavor it is, I cannot trick my brain into thinking I am eating a piece of pie.

Stella: Same thing? I think not.







Attention: The Eclipse DVD will be released on December 4th!!!
The DVD Extra’s include:
*Audio commentary w/ Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart
* Audio commentary w/ Stephenie Meyer and Wyck Godfrey
* Eight deleted/extended scenes
* A 90-minute, six-part making of documentary
* A picture gallery
* Music videos from Metric and Muse

So put it on the calendar!

Tentative watch party hosted by the Bantering Sisters on Saturday, December 4th! Which was more interesting today? The Eclipse news or the dieting post? (We already know the answer.)

Milk Spill on Aisle 4

Loki: So I know we have talked about my breast milk far too much in this blog already, but it just has to be discussed at least once more! Sparky just walked in our office & broadcast to the whole office that I should “scrub out the dried breast milk from the sink!” I looked at him like he had two heads! This is the point that Stella erupted into a fit of giggles at her desk that continued for the next 10 minutes. I asked him what he is talking about, as I did not dump breast milk down the kitchen sink! For one thing, I don’t waste breast milk…We ALL know how valuable that is to me!

Stella: He was so frank about it,and it was such an absurd thing to say to all of us that I couldn’t stop. I just pictured Loki sneaking into the kitchen and looking around to make sure no one was watching… and then lifting up her shirt to squirt milk into the sink like it was a target or something and then running back to her desk laughing like a child. Haha. Take that! But Sparky just barges in here like he is a woman and can talk openly about things with us, which is what makes Loki so mad. Sorry...

Loki: I cannot tell you how many times I have been in this office that someone has tried to barge in on me while I am pumping. I frequently get re-routed from my spot in the basement (when they have meetings down there) and I have to go find an empty room to pump in. I was upstairs in a room that is vacant 99.9% of the time, but apparently someone needed to use the room for another meeting at that exact moment. Thankfully, I had locked the door! I had to stop and situate myself and then relocate to the bathroom floor! I don’t mind breastfeeding at all. It is the pumping that is driving me insane. It would be a lot easier on me and my marriage if I just fed her formula.

Stella: I would have never pumped. It’s just degrading. There is nothing more repulsive or unattractive than being hooked up to a pump which is extracting milk from your body like a cow. It would probably help your marriage if you never let your husband watch you engage in such a humiliating thing. UGH. The horror! The horror! I will leave it to someone else to encourage you that a man should love you no matter what.

Loki: I went out of town to a wedding this past weekend and I was stuck there like 8 hours before it started so I had to pump a few times while waiting. I was in a room by myself with a hooter hider on (you know, the same thing as a blanket but someone was smart enough to put arm holes on one and made a fortune off of it! It is basically like a snuggy for your boobs.) Anyway, so I am hidden beneath it, but you can hear the machine going off and on so people kept looking at me all confused. Mind you, that no one thought to leave the room after they knew what I was doing. I acted like I didn’t care because there is nothing I could do about it. One girl asked if I had my baby down there (because I guess a baby sounds like a machine?) Another asked me how long I had to do that for. and another asked if I ever fell asleep doing that... Apparently the machine sounds soothing?!! No, I do not get sleepy while my boobs are being tugged on in order to extract milk from them. Amateurs. I also hate it when little kids… you know age 2 or so are around because they don’t know what I am doing. They always want a closer look…and I don’t know what I am supposed to say to 2 year olds. I just try to ignore that they are staring at me. I hope I can put up with this for another 3 and half months. Sheesh

Stella: Try like 6 more months. I fed Bella for 15 months because I'm a great mom like that. She's always been as healthy as a horse & exceptionally brillant. I credit my nursing skills and wonderful genetics for this. But 15 months. I don't know if I could do that again with another child. I like to do math on weird things like this. If Nana Bess nursed all 4 children for that long she would have been nursing for 60 months which is 5 years my friends! (But I know she didn't nurse Loki that long because I was already in the womb sucking all her nutrients out.) Don’t get frightened, Saucy, my dear. It is the sacrifice of motherhood. I’m hoping to repair my sacrifice the next time I have five grand laying around. Speaking of which, I was propositioned this week to make a boob cake for Choc Chip's work for "Boss Day & Breast Cancer Awareness." I said, "What? Like an actual replica or like a chest with a cute bra on?"

Loki: I'm assuming it is an erotica type of cake. Although that would seem inappropriate for the workplace. (Except maybe not for our work where apparently we are open about such things.) Especially if you have to make nipples. That might be a little uncomfortable for you unless you like making pervy cakes...

Stella: No kidding. Would you like to be my nipple model? Bahaha. Don't answer that. Another weird thing to google: "Boob cake.." I actually found a picture of a one year old baby & the mother had made a boob cake for him. It was very, very strange. And yes, it was an actual replica. And someone had even commented "this is cute!" Yikes.

There's no use crying over spilled perfume.... err- milk.. Thoughts???

Betty Bob Modenbock

Stella: I have to admit I am a very nosey person. If I am processing an application, I will always check out the person’s occupation & income. I love to see what kind of money people make. I also can’t resist peaking at the height/weight for the person. And since I’m looking at that, I might as well review their medical records. Even though I can’t understand them, it’s still interesting. And I’m pretty sure it’s in my job description. I gotta know what’s going on.

Loki: I like to look at people’s medical history and backgrounds too. It can be rather entertaining in this dull place. Just yesterday we obtained some medical records from a psychiatric clinic. This particular fellow has a severe case of OCD. He also admitted to refusing to take his medication because when he went to pick it up at the pharmacy they were playing an Elton John song… so he refused to take the meds because he associated the medication to being gay. This same man would resist answering his telephone because he thought the devil was calling… You also see some rather weird names coming through here, and I just don’t understand how people name their kids such things like “Royal Whinery” or “Dunning.” There are several more that I can’t think of at the moment, but Stella and I like to yell out these weird names over and over. I am sure we drive our co-workers bonkers yelling random names out like we have tourettes. Foreign names are fun to yell too…. Cong Dong.

Stella: The world is full of wackos. I love that story. I wouldn’t answer if the devil was calling me either. I should start keeping a list of my favorite bad names. Wouldn’t you hate to have a last name like Dunkleberger or Nasalroad? DUNKLEBERGER! And thank God I didn’t have a name like Brenda Bumphus. Then you would have been Betty Bumphus! Hahah. Our father claims he knew a woman named Betty Bob Modenbock. He talks about her fondly. I think she'd be the lady on the left in the photo above. That's definitely a Betty Bob Modenbock.

Loki: One time an examiner went to a client’s house to do get a urine sample/take blood. She reported back that the client hid in the bathroom and refused to come out. He must have been that afraid of needles! How old do you think this client was? 5 or 10?!! No this man was 52 years old.
Stella: What? He wasn’t afraid of needles! He was afraid of his wife finding out what was in his urine. How many people find out their spouse still smokes because of this process?? Can you imagine being the nurse? "Uh.. Excuse me, sir...??" I bet he crawled out the window and ran down the street thinking the devil was chasing him in a nurse's costume. I like the people who just straight out say what they are going to find in their urine. “Yeah, I used cocaine. But don’t worry, it was just at this bachelor party I went to last week.” Uh.. still not good. Maybe you should have hid in the bathroom!

Loki: I like how they try to hide all of their indiscretions and not admit to anything. This never works. There was this one guy who said he was healthy… And then we found out he had a heart bypass, CAD (cardiovascular disorder,) sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. Sure, you are healthy.. So then they say, my doctor never told me that! Yes, I am sure the dr. is out to get you and writes wrong medical information in your chart just to spite you.

Stella: I would. Doctors & lawyers who can get away with stuff like that. Plus most people don't ever get to even see their own medical charts & what's written in them. haha. And in the spirit of disclosing medical information, I did go to the dr this week. I know all of our readers are worried about my health and will be able to rest easy now knowing I am taking medication for my ear problems that Loki mentions all the time. They were playing a Melissa Etheridge song when I picked it up though so I'm starting to think I might not take it...

Got a name for us that's better than Don Key? (Another person our dad knows.) Heee haw! Let's hear them

BARNDO

Loki: Gak! I was just asked by Plugs if I had any plans on Saturday for the following month. This means he is trying to plan a “get together” for the staff on a Saturday. Let me just clarify that I do not need to spend any additional time with these people. …especially on the weekend. He said he “wanted to do something for the staff.” Umm.. how about give us a day off?!! If he were sending us to a spa or giving us tickets to something cool that would be one thing. But he will just try to get us to all go out to the Barndo to sit around & play horseshoes. The Barndo is his beloved barn/condo that is out in the middle of nowhere. Why do I want to waste an entire Saturday driving 40 minutes to some remote location and then be stranded there forced to hang out with these sour puss people? My husband can never go with me because he works on Saturdays…not that him coming along it would make that any better.

Stella: Gak? Do you remember playing with that stuff? They have this new stuff out called Moon Dough that I want to try. It supposedly never dries out. That's the plug for it anyway. I never like the way real PlayDough makes your hands feel. It’s the nastiest feeling in the world. Anyhow, I do not want to go to a company get-together either. No one even talks to us when we are at work (since we aren’t allowed to be noisy) so why would they want to chat with us on our day off? I had just worked here for less than 2 months the last time there was an outing to the dumb Barndo-ro-ro. And I was FORCED to go against my will with Loki. It was the most horrendous time ever. I played some lame bean bag game with Sparky. I hope you told him that you were a very popular person with events scheduled for the next 2 months already. Or maybe we should be enthusiastic and brush up on our horseshoe skills.

Loki: He caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say. He said he had already gotten the dates from the other people-- you know Poodle, PR, and Sparky. We should get together with Cha cha and between the 3 of us be busy each weekend until December or something. That way it will be too cold to do anything outside, and he will have to wait until the summer to plan another Barndo trip. I did make you go to the last gathering because I wanted to play with Bella. It was great fun... Although I think I was spinning Bella in a circle and got so dizzy that we both fell down. Oops. Please don't drop my child on her head for revenge.(She does have me for a mother already...and I will not disclose that she may or may not have already been dropped on her head) If this ridiculous "trip" does happen, all we will do is sit around and watch the children. How relaxing will it be to chase Bella and Baby Blue around. Blue will try to eat everything off the ground, and I am pretty sure the place isn't baby proof. Although there would be 2 other babies there this time around..but I don't think babies that young actually play together. Poor Bella will have to play with the adults...again.

Stella: I don't even like to go to family reunions. I won't get revenge by dropping your daughter, but I will probably buy her obnoxious toys like Silly Puddy when she is 1 year old or a drum set when she's 2.

Loki: I would like to formally apologize for the gifts I gave baby Bella. I was not a mother and I did not understand that she couldn't play with Silly Puddy at 1 year old or that she didnt wear a size 2T at 9 months.. (It looked like it would have fit!) I did, however, know that you would hate the 150 piece set of fake food I got her, but I knew she woud love it too. Maybe we should gather up the 150 pieces and bring to the Barndo for the kids to play with and then "accidently" leave it there for Sparky and Plugs to pick up. I bet we would not be invited back if so! Our fellow employees do want to talk to us-just not until 5:00 when we are trying to head out the door. I try to leave and say "Goodbye!" as fast as possible, otherwise they turn their chairs around and ask some open-ended questions to get us talking. Umm.. I've been starring at my feet for the past 30 minutes waiting for 5:00 to come- You could have talked to me then!

Stella: I keep trying to explain to people how we just CAN'T talk at work, and no matter how you describe it they just don't understand. Today we are being ostracized because ChaCha called into work- which meant that no one was here at 8:00 on the dot. Let's all freak out. And since Loki & I dropped off Bella before we came in, we were later than usual. So we get the silent treatment. Which is hard to explain when we already get the silent treatment. It's like we can't even ask a question if we had one to ask... & Poodle slams things down even harder...
Loki: Even Sparky slammed the door to his office...Right after he came in at 10:00 and took his weekly shower downstairs. I would also like to mention how un-professional he was in the text he sent me this morning which started with WTF?.. Grrr!

Yawn... Poor baby.

What's worse? Family reunions or company get-togethers?

Material Girl

Loki: I love me some Walgreens. I should hate that store because I can always find something to buy in there. I cannot get out of there without spending at least $50. I always go in with one thing in mind and then I remember 5 more things that I could use. My mother hates this and always yells at me for not paying attention. I will run by there to get something we need like toilet paper or dishwasher soap. Then I remember that I am almost out of mascara. This will lead me to the make-up aisle…Where I will inevitably try the “newest” thing- liquid eye shadow (for an instant smokey eye!) or new lasting-all day-smudge-proof lipstick and so on and so on. I have entirely too much make-up. I love make-up and it will all get used…eventually! Walgreens or CVS (they are equally fun for me) have everything you could possibly need. From laundry detergent to nail polish to popcorn! I realize Wal-Mart has such things too and is an all-in-one store. I am sure it is at a much cheaper price, but Walgreens and CVS are easier to access. They aren’t as crowded, and I don’t need a giant cart to push through. (I do get in the same trouble at Wal-mart Superstores too….which is why I never go.) I actually should push a cart at Walgreens because I usually end up with an armful of things that I can barely keep ahold of before dumping it all on the counter to check out. I am sure this happens to more than just me???

Stella: I don’t get it. I hate Walgreens and stores like The Dollar General. Those stores just smell weird to me & I’d rather not go in them. I much prefer Walmart or Target any day. I can’t leave Target without paying $100. It’s like admission to going into the store. Except I do come out of there with some very fabulous things. And I will say that there is such thing as TOO much makeup. I have a whole tub full of make-up that I have passed along to Nana Bess in the hopes of her using up. I have a new goal- to not buy MORE until I am all out of whatever I have. It’s a very hard concept for me. We are living in a material world. And I am a material girl.

Loki: Are you like a virgin too? Speaking of which, I want to see that new movie Easy A. But back on topic... I love some Target too, and I have the same problem there. I don't know what it is... maybe I shouldn't be allowed to shop anywhere. I guess it is a good think that I keep track of the finances in this household. Big T apparently spends all his dough at gas stations... that has to be worse than Wal-greens. I dont get what the deal is with energy drinks...and why he must have 3 of them a day.

Stella: No. It’s pretty evident to all that I am not a virgin. I’m glad we could talk about it on here though. My bff took me to see Easy A last night. (It was funny. You would like, but mom would not.) I love Emma Stone. And hello? Did you not pay attention to the sermon this week on consumerism?! (Actually I think he was just making a connection with how today's consumerism mentality can be transferred to how we feel we should benefit from the church and so on and so forth.) I don't think he said I couldn't go out and buy 3 pairs of new boots after church was over.

Loki: Yes, I heard the sermon and I wrote part of this blog before Sunday so I didn’t feel convicted. I just meant I get out of control buying things that I don’t really need. Yes, our society is driven by THINGS. It is a bit ridiculous, and I hate to admit that I suffer from that. You know, our high point in our week should be church! I do not think church is the high point of my week. I guess it should be. My high point would be spending time with Baby Blue. I can’t help it I want to be with her all the time. What is your high point? We are getting off topic here, but I was going to write a whole blog about the sermon and it since you brought it up…I might as well share here. Gma Modern would be so pleased… except she missed church yesterday so she probably has no idea what we are referring to.

Stella: The high point in my week is getting to come to work and be with you. Actually, it is usually on Friday nights when my boyfriend takes me out on a date. No wait, it’s when I get to stay home with MY daughter which means I get the Mother of the Year award for saying that. Can you tell I don’t HAVE a high point in the week? I only have low points. How’s that for deep? I can’t banter spiritual matters or analyze them for you. I have a headache & it goes against my personality and everything within me to write about something profound that people already know & could just read about themselves in a book or some other blog. Bess or Gma Mod can write something encouraging back to you or you should just write a solo piece on such thoughts if you feel you need to express them to the public. I prefer to cover up my emotions with a thick layer of sarcasm. And ranch dressing.

Would someone else please talk to Loki so I don't have to? I'm too busy thinking about what I could dip in this Ranch dressing fountain I found... It's kind of disgusting & tempting at the same time..

Hey Baby, I'm a Rock Star!

Stella: I like how Loki starts out every blog by writing a question. So why is that when I look around while driving in my car no one else is singing like I am? One time I saw a guy drumming on his steering wheel, but that was it. I know people do it, but I never see them. If there was a hidden camera in my car then no doubt you would surely get to enjoy an exclusive concert performance from yours truly. (We have already established that I can sing quite loudly. And I really enjoy putting on a good show -when I'm by myself of course.) But everywhere I go, I am the only one sitting there in my car singing with reckless abandonment as I drive along the long & winding road. (Bum, bum... that leads to your door...) Today on my way to my lovely place of employment, I drove by a homeless man sleeping under the overpass while belting out,“Every rose has it’s thorn- Just like every night has it's dawn...” (Gee, the homeless man would probably enjoy that particular ballad if he wasn't snoozing up there with his beer cans.) Three men cross the street in front of me to go from the gas station to McDonald’s…By then it's “I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh undo it!” (Surely, they can hear me as I try to impersonate Carrie Underwood. And I get a little involved & angry when singing this particular tune & that of course means louder as well.) Oh well, I continue on. I look to the right at the next stoplight. It's just some man in a truck staring forward at the light. Then to the left-a white car with an old lady in it. And then there is me. "That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano..." (I will not claim to have any rapper skills so you'll have to use your imagination when it comes to how well I can rap like Eminem.) Sure, I might look in the rearview mirror at myself a few times, and maybe I might hold my cell phone up like it’s a microphone… but only if it’s handy.


"Don't you remember when you told me you loved me baby?"


Loki: Oh yes, I am a rock star too. I want to be Pink! I have often wondered the same thing. Have you ever been belting one out- you know, really jamming out- only to pull up to a stoplight and have to stop singing?! You have to pretend to be normal... I'm just sitting here just listening to the music... That's all. Nothing to see here, folks. I hate that! I want to continue on with the song because it always happens to be right before the best part of the song. I try to just listen to talk radio on the way to work since there is a lot of stop and go traffic so that way I am not embarassing myself. Stella, you do know that you can hear people's music outside of the car? Cars are not sound-proof. People passing by will be able to hear you belt out the words. I have been rocking some headphones in the car lately too (to listen to my ipod music) so it's probably worse when people can only hear the words & not the music. It's much better to have music behind a voice rather than just an acapella version of "I gotta pocket full of Sunshine OH UH OH!"

Sing it, Tom. "And I'm freeeeeeee! FREE FALLIN"


Big T has already clarified that he doesn't want to be anywhere near our singing when we go to CO this year. I think even Batman participated during our last family jam session/road trip to CO 4 years ago. (My husband thinks my voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard... Although I don't think it is THAT bad!) He wants to be in the other car when we choose to start belting out ballads. Whatever. It just makes driving so much more fun.

Stella: I read an article on how to improve your self confidence by singing in the car. Here is a tip for you, Loki, on what you should do the next time you want to stop singing out of embarrassment. I don't have that problem. I know I'm never gonna see that person next to me in the car again. So next time:

"Instead of ignoring the feelings of discomfort that arise, embrace them. Try to visualize the feeling in your body. It will most likely be in your chest or stomach. Examine it, and make the choice to be fully immersed in the feeling. Dissipate the energy of the emotion (energy in motion) by allowing yourself to fully feel it."

Hahaha. Also, you should warn Big T that I will be putting together a 14 hour play list for the trip. He should drive the babies and then he'll have to listen to Bella's music. After 14 hours of "I'm a little teapot" and "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" he'll be begging to give you a turn. And now, a love song....

"I see a little silhouetto of a man...
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo
Figaro
Magnifico-o-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me...
He's just a poor boy from a poor family...
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!"


Now it's your turn to take it away!

Little Miss Sunshine

Loki: I’ve noticed a trend around here called the “I didn’t do it” excuse. It’s hard to take criticism and to be blamed for doing something that you didn’t do. But some people cannot take criticism or blame for stuff that they DID do. We have talked about Poodle before, and I am sure we have mentioned what an array of sunshine she is each day. She is the most negative person you will ever meet. If you want to gripe about an agent or a work related problem then she is always down to bash someone with you. As the “office manager” she regularly corrects the mistakes of newcomers and will even correct me at times (Gasp!) But she never appears to correct herself! Just now I was talking with her and letting her know about an unhappy agent and she replied, “Oh, that might be my fault. I didn’t send him what he needed.” I thought, “Wow! She is taking responsibility for something!” However, she quickly said, “Well, he should have known that I didn’t send him that. It’s just as much his fault!” Haha I guess some people just can’t take it.

But I guess that I am horrible at getting critiqued too because I only hear the negative part of what they are saying. I am glad I don’t work in a more corporate office where you get reviews quarterly. Although I guess you could also argue that there are chances for RAISES then! But that’s another subject! I always cry during them too. LIKE ALWAYS. One time I was being told something about how my attitude stunk or that I was mean on the phone. I sat there and bit the crud out of my inside lip. (I was pregnant too so I am sure that didn’t help although that might just be my excuse for being a baby.) I was trying my hardest to not let my tears fall. I hate crying in front of people especially because the reason I am crying is because I am so mad. It’s also weird here because only the youngins get “reviewed”…So it isn’t fair in my eyes to only review part of the staff. I don’t know why I am talking about reviews…Let’s not jinx ourselves. No reviews in the near future! Although I must say I have done a spectacular job of acting like I love this place and answering in a happy sounding voice. Right, Stella? She always tells me when I get to sounding too harsh. Did you know you can hear my expression in my voice? This cannot be helped.

Stella: In order to conduct a review, a description of one’s job must be written down and explained in detail so that the person in charge can look at what is being done and decide how to critique the work being done. This is why Poodle and P.R. do NOT ever get reviews. Because we do not know what the CRAP they are doing over there. When Poodle went out of town for 2 weeks, I was in charge of keeping her work up caught up. I could seriously finish all of her work in 20 minutes. They act as if they are so busy every single day, and even our boss doesn’t know what they spend all of their time doing. If they were ever to review me negatively I would simply say this: I did three people’s job for 3 months and did not get a cent extra for it. Meanwhile, P.R. comes and leaves whenever she wants, gets paid a butt-load of money, and you don’t even know what she is doing over there.

But they have never critiqued my work ever. In fact, I think Poodle acts as if I know more than her. They have gotten to where they ask ME to tell the new girls things because they know people like me and won’t be offended (like others would.) Too bad you didn’t work here with me Curls. I am the light around this place. Loki’s own personal sun she would say. Even ChaCha told me today that the office is so quiet and dull when I am not around. Haha. Aw, to be loved and adored by all. It is hard at times I know. I am even in high demand to just write out some silly thoughts for my family to read each day.

Loki: “My own personal sunshine...” hmmm… who is quoting Twilight now?! Yes, you are adored by all, and I am glad to see that you have gotten out of your funk. Although it is more likely that you are so bored there today without ME that you decided to blog finally. Hooray. And as far as the reviews go, what really happened is that you are my sister and they knew that if they make you mad than they will make me mad as well and vice versa. So they are afraid to turn us both against them. And Poodle used to really abuse those front deskers! The person before you quit after receiving a horrible review, and she told Poodles off in a letter about how she treated her like a child etc. (She worked here after Curls.) I told Poodle to her face that I agreed with the letter. After that she quit sending her "emails.” Although I do hear from Cha Cha that she started back again.

Stella: Okay, well that is what she spends half of the day doing! Typing out emails that she could probably say in 2 minutes if she would just let us talk. Instead of walking up to someone’s desk and saying “This is the new procedure for doing this…” she has to put it all in writing. It is a waste of time. But I guess she doesn’t have anything else to do over there. ChaCha is so easy going that I’m sure that Poodle’s bossy emails don’t offend her. I’m still maintaining that they couldn’t complain about me if they tried. Haha. And you’ve gotten slightly better at not screaming at people on the phone. You still aren’t NICE to them though. And I just remembered how much I loved this movie.

What makes your day sunny?

Woe

Stella: Woe to me. I think I should go into hibernation for the winter. I don’t have any winter clothes. Now that summer is ending so is my joy.

Loki: That is the difference between you and I. I like the winter better. I love snow days! Yeah, no work!!! (This place frequently shuts down due to ICY roads..gotta love it) I love sipping coco by the fire while bundled up in a nice blanket.. ok maybe I never sip coco by the fire. But I do like a good fire. I’ve got some winter clothes that I didn’t get to wear last season (since I was in the maternity clothes last winter—and just rotated the 3 sweaters I had over and over) so surely it will feel like I have all new clothes. Hip Hip Hooray. (Can I still wear the maternity sweaters if I run out of things to wear or am having a "fat" day??) I have bought some fabulous boots that I am sure I am going to get lots of wear out of them. You will hate them by February I am sure.

Stella: If I ever need help falling asleep, I will read this over and over to myself. Actually, I’d probably just have to read it once. Although wanting to correct your spelling of coco to Cocoa would probably keep me awake.

Loki: You have turned into a mean old hag. You have been nothing but RUDE to me this week. SNAP out of it. Where am I supposed to go with 4 sentences, especially when it starts as WOE IS ME? I think of Joey Lawrence: “WHOA!” What am I thinking of Coco Channel? Coco as in the dog? Anyway I don’t know what the winter fashion is either. I feel like if I wear leggings I will look like I am trying to be 16. I cannot wear skinny jeans… because I think you need to BE skinny to wear them. I am thinking that I will just be a grunge this winter. Maybe I will just mimick what you wore all last winter….black and grey pants with black and grey tops. How festive! I feel like we are always 2 years behind the “hip” style. We as in Oklahoma or we as in You and I… either way. Its hard to look at fashion in magazines or online because I do not have a model's body therefore those clothes will not look the same on me. I tried buying a dress once from online... I thought it was sorta baggy so maybe it would fit me the same way it did the model. Ummm it came looking like a big garbage bag (a teal one at that). I promptly returned it back to the store. I am tired of talking fashion-- who cares?! I dont need to impress anyone.

Yes I realize you are going to continue to think I am boring. You are not the only person I am talking too… besides, maybe the readers have more to comment about you hibernating for the winter.

***Stella fell asleep while reading my response.. and gave up on this blog.

Do you think Stella should dress up as the old lady above or this fashionista for Halloween?!

Burned Out

Stella is feeling very unmotived to blog lately. Our posts will be fewer until she feels better. Loki continues to hound her and submit subject matter for approval. However Stella finds everything Loki wants to talk about boring and uninteresting. Loki cannot blog by herself, you cannot banter yourself. I think Bella's birthday party has zapped all of Stella's creativity. Hopefully it will return soon, as for now she will continue to scour the internet for new winter clothes and halloween costume ideas. Feel free to re-read our old posts. Perhaps they are better the 2nd time around!

Idiosyncrasy

Loki: I’ve been noticing some real weird quirks about myself… Like how I cannot get my socks to be tight enough on my feet. I am constantly taking off my shoes and pulling my sock tighter. It needs to be tight and smooth on my toes. Is that weird? I remember doing this when I was a kid too… and my socks would be too big so I would have the excess folded up by my heal. Tell me this is normal.


Stella: Instead of telling you what a freak you are, I will merely point out that you have freakishly weird feet. It’s no wonder that a normal sock, which is made & designed for the average person’s foot, would not fit on your long, bone skinny appendage. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the sock to fit properly, but you should give up on that now... Also, I must note that I can’t look at your feet without shivering at the sight of them. But not everyone can have beautiful pristine feet like me, and everyone has quirks. For example, I can’t throw away something without reading the entire packaging first. You would think I was a marketing major in college or something the way I read every label. Even if it’s just a box of soap or shampoo just like the one I’ve already had before I still read all of the print on the box first. I’m especially bad with toy packaging and food… Like I said, everything I buy. I also can’t stop myself from cleaning up the table after I’m done eating at a restaurant. It’s like I am the busboy needing to get everything swept up and organized so the table can be easily wiped and ready for the next patrons. How is that for unconventional behavior?

Loki: I just saw a preview for a show about a hoarder who has to read every label. She reads it to herself over and over… all the fine print. I think she keeps it in fear that she would need to know the information later. She was reading a dog food label during the preview. At least you can throw it away after reading! I also scratch my throat by making a really loud noise. I know I am not the only one who has this particular quirk, as I am pretty sure I learned this from Chocolate Chip. I just can’t help doing it even though I know I sound like a pig . I don’t understand how other people get rid of the itch in their throat. You obviously cannot stick your finger down there and scratch…Hello gag refluxes! The other weird thing I do (that I can think of right now although I am sure there are many many more) is my inability to listen to someone else speak without picking up on their accent and imitating it. You can always tell who I have hung out with that day based on the way I talk later. I can talk real country fried sometimes… That one is probably the easiest slip I have… Hmm. I wonder why?!! (If you knew me as a child or have seen videos of me as a child you would understand!) I have been known to talk British, ghetto, like Stella, or my other friends who have very different inflictions.

Stella: First of all, why do you have such an itchy throat? My throat doesn’t itch... It is now confirmed. You are a freak. Hah. But I guess my ears hurt & I have to pop them daily (which I’ve had to stop doing while driving since it makes me dizzy.) And APPARENTLY, I have a funny way of talking seeing as how my cousins like to imitate me as well. I guess everything I say is real LOOOONG and DRAAAAWWWNNNNN OUT like it’s 10 syllables… Whatever. Haters.

Loki: You sound normal to me. But Big T has said before, “You are talking like Stella. Stop it.” My throat doesn’t itch all the time, just every now and then. Maybe it’s because I talk too much. Rubbing your ears and popping them daily is weird! I used to think you were telling me I smelled bad when you would plug your nose (to pop your ears.) What do you do when you are on a plane? When we go on our family ski trip will your ears hurt worse then too? Since we are speaking of your ears once again on this blog…maybe it is time to go get them checked out… I am constantly finding that I put on my clothes inside out. Usually it’s just my underwear or undershirts.. I guess I don’t pay close attention while dressing. I also always have mismatched socks on too.

Stella: That’s because you are Lucille Ball. (Why didn’t we just name you LUCY on here?) Also, I don’t know how altitude affects my ears seeing as how I never go anywhere & will probably never ride in an airplane again. But if I ever manage to escape, I will be sure to let you know.

P.S. Do not google images of ugly feet unless you want to puke. And remind me to not let any man I might ever date in the future know that I write a blog that describes in detail what a crazy person I am or I will be destined to never leave Oklahoma to go anywhere wonderful. It’ll have to remain a secret for there to be any chance of me sounding like a normal person and the odds are already against me. Please, please let me see blue water someday….


Check out Loki's new facebook profile pic. Bahahah. Immature much? I think not.

MIL

Loki: What is it about Mother-In-Laws (MIL) that make all clichés seem true? First of all, I don’t have a bad MIL.. Just different. She isn’t my mom so I guess that means I am destined to not agree with her or understand her. She just does some silly things sometimes like post weird photos of my baby and myself. Maybe she just doesn’t have the “eye” for photos because she posts every single picture she has taken, which means she has 50 shots online of Baby Blue in the same outfit with a cup in her face. She doesn’t even have any of Baby Blue posing or smiling… just drinking out of a sippy cup. Even one or two shots like this might be acceptable, but 20 of them are not! She also put up a photo of me in the pool with Baby Blue, (yuck anyway!) but this was particularly bad because she was at a weird angle. You could see almost all of my milk-filled-breasts. (haha—ggggross!) I had to ask her to take it down and she said “okay?” like she didn’t understand why I would ask her that. So I had to explain that you could practically see all of my boobs and that it could be posted as a XXX shot. She just said, “Oops, I didn’t notice.” WELL, my mom would’ve noticed! But maybe that’s because we all are so vain in my family. :)

Stella: First of all, this entire paragraph was about nothing except how your MIL takes bad pictures. At least she takes pictures of her! My EX-MIL (which I can OFFICIALLY call her an EX now!) never took a single picture of my precious baby. In fact, every photo that she owns of her was an extra that I gave her.

Loki: Well, it’s not just that. She also buys some really “cute” outfits for my baby. I will have to cut her some slack since she raised 3 boys and hasn’t had to buy clothes for a little girl before. But we just don’t share the same style. I always seem to get upset when she watches Baby Blue too. I don’t know why. It’s not like she’s dropped her or left her screaming in the floor. She is the grandma so she should know what she is doing, but I feel like I have to run down a list of things to tell her every week before I leave my baby with her. She just humors me by listening, and when I leave she does whatever she wants. But I know she makes up things when I question her about stuff like who knocked over the baggy of precious breast milk. She used to spill and waste so much milk that I finally started making the bottles before I leave. And guess what? We have leftover now! She doesn’t know what that orange spot is on Baby Blue’s clothes when I ask her what happened… (Hello? WHAT IS ORANGE and STICKY?) And she makes up excuses like, “She didn’t take any naps today because she was too busy playing with her cousin!” (Ummm… She “plays” with her cousin, Bella, every Wednesday and my mom still gets her to take naps!)

Stella: Now you’re just griping about clothes & breast milk... At least your MIL doesn't buy her things and make her keep them at her house like my EX-MIL. And I’m pretty sure you don’t share the same style with anyone… So we’ll ignore that criticism. (Although Loki’s MIL bought MY daughter a hideous outfit for her birthday, and I don’t know why because I’ve only had to talk to the woman a handful of times, and she’s not a very friendly person to begin with… Sure, I can pretend to be super friendly & nice, which is why people like me, but if they only knew! And now because of my wonderful acting, I will have to write her a stupid thank you card & pretend that I liked it- when it’s really the most unusual garment I’ve ever seen & Bella will never, ever wear it unless I force her to, and then she’ll cry & scream & it’ll cause me so much angst that I might as well just let it hang in her closet until she outgrows it and then we can pass it on to Baby Blue!!! Whew.) Also, I have to say that you’re pretty crazy when it comes to your breast milk. I don’t know what I have to hear about more often- your breast milk or Twilight. No wonder I don’t have a clear brain. It needs some recovery & alone time without your voice in it.

Loki: Whatever. I try to make it a point to only vent to my mother or sister about problems that may arise or things that I just don’t understand about my MIL. The in-laws also always hound me about leaving Baby Blue for an overnight stay. Ummm… NO! I cannot leave my baby overnight! I would not be ok with that. Both of my sister-in-laws dropped their newborn babies off with them for overnight stays so they think that I am this “over-protective mother with issues.” Or at least that’s how they make me feel! I cannot tell you how many times I heard them say, “You need a date night!” Well, yes, I am sure a date with my husband would be nice without the baby around, but then I would miss out on playing with her! I think that things would be different if I didn’t have to work and I could be with her all of the time, but I don’t so I cherish all of the time I can get with her. Maybe when she is 4 she can go to a “slumber party” with the grandparents.

Stella: OH NO. I will agree here. I am still not sending MY 4 year old off to any sort of slumber party! My EX-MIL wanted me to leave my newborn baby with them as well. She told me when I was pregnant that “I could stay with her the first few times if it helped me feel more comfortable with leaving her there.” I was like, “Are you kidding me! You must not know me!” (Which she didn’t know me… cause I didn’t meet her until I was pregnant! Hahah. Whoops.) Anyway, what a freakin nut case. I did let Bella stay the night with my own parents overnight a few times (when we didn’t live with them) but only because we USED to live with them.. and of course, because it was with MY wonderful parents (and not some looney flakes.)


Loki: Well, like I said before, she is a good MIL, and I do love her. She is just very different from my own mother….and of course, I think my mom is the best. :)

Stella: Let’s hear a few words from the wise, old Nana Bess herself. Nana Bess, what do you have to add to this little quandary of Loki’s (as I do not have a real MIL to banter about. Bahah)


Nana Bess: Yes, getting used to a mother-in-law is a challenge, especially when you have babies! I got to start off quite early learning the difference between my MIL and my own precious "practically perfect" mom! (Gma Modern!).... My MIL (aka "snapper") is VERY different and did things VERY differently. AND she never seemed to think that my opinions were anything but "silly!” On top of that, she gave my babies COKE! First from a straw out of her cup, which she thought was endearing.. and I was appalled! Then later, she would fill up a bottle and when I threw a fit, she would say, "Oh I watered it down" (as if that made it OKay!)....
At first, I would try to slip away into a bedroom to nurse my brand new baby at her house (just freshly home from the hospital) and she ORDERED me to sit in a chair and just cover up with a blanket! How odd I felt nursing there in front of my brother-in-laws and father-in-law! (And I
was a newlywed! Not in the family that long and NOT that comfortable.) BUT I obeyed.

Stella: Eh, that’s nothing. I used to nurse with the entire world watching. It was like a grand performance. People are in awe of women who still breastfeed their child.

Nana Bess: Gma Snapper also used to work full time, so she always mentioned that she would "retire" and watch my babies so I could go to work. This used to make me so mad. I think she was just teasing me, but I never could tell. She acted like I was being a big selfish baby BY staying home and not going to work. She actually kept working until my LAST child was born.. and by then, I had been in the family 8 years and I didn't join the work force (part time) until The Man Child was in kindergarten and then my wonderful MIL helped me out by picking him up 2 days a week from school and this gave him the memory of eating out with his GMA (getting KFC or MC'D's) :)

Stella: I can never understand this sort of thing either. It’s the man’s job to toil the earth!!! Why do people forget that? I’ve got stretch marks & fat deposits and saggy boobs because I had to bear the children. So why should I have to go out into the workforce & let someone else take care of my baby as well? No. It’s the man’s job. Excuse my interruption and please continue on Nana Bess.

Nana Bess: Oh... Gma Snapper NEVER got you girls CUTE clothes either. They always looked like BOY clothes to me. Every now and then she would do okay, but she had to work at buying GIRL stuff as she too, only had 3 boys! Now she buys the GREAT-granddaughters pretty cute stuff... so hang in there.. these things just take time! :) But I guess through the years I have seen that the Coke did not kill any of you… or the sweets, the yelling at Gpa to “SHUT UP you Horses Pa-toot!” didn't scar you either, and you all turned out wonderfully and loved your GMA Snapper. Yes, it is hard. But hang in there. Just because SHE is different and NOT the way you prefer, (like YOUR practically perfect Nana Bess,) it won't harm Baby Blue or little siblings later on. Eventually you will get used to her and her ways and your child/children will know that at Grandma's house, things are a bit different. But at home, this is how we do things! ha/ha...

Stella: Aw, how encouraging for you to hear Loki. Indeed Nana Bess, indeed… I will not pay attention to any of the things said above and continue to remind you all for the 5th time that I don’t have a MIL now and it is the most happiest and glorious thing EVER! Yeee!!! I am filled with much excitement and joy. Thanks for letting me be disruptive.

On to more important things,
tell us what’s weird about your MIL!

Incessant Yammering

Even though we only sit 2 feet away from each other at work it is hard to talk out loud without everyone listening in- so that's why we resort to instant messaging each other throughout the day instead. The following post is clearly unedited (which will drive Stella mad, but saves us lots of time trying to make this entire thing understandable.)

Loki: Im drinking my second cup of coffee today--its 3pm
Stella: You are turning into Poodle.
Loki: ive loaded it down with some creamer. do you think that's diet enough
Stella: Pretty soon your moppy permed hair is gonna turn gray.
Loki: i dont drink 30 cups a day like Poodle... just 2 sometimes..
Stella: And soon you will need to bring self tanner with you to work to spray on when you get here like Poodle too.
Loki: i dont have moppy permed hair
Loki: and i do not come in smelling of fake tanner either. gross... dont they have some stuff that doesnt stink that bad?
Loki:its like walking into a bar-- fake tanner, stale coffee and cigarettes
Stella: Well, it's fluffy now but if you were a chain smoker for the past 30 years like Poodle it might lose some of its buoyancy
Stella: Why is it that I have to answer the phones when everyone is gone
Loki: hahah true im sure it does bad things to your fro. Although if you remember Poodle didnt always look like a poodle.. this perm is recent
Loki: because you are the 2nd to last in the pecking order . im just right above you dont worry
Stella: I've worked here for 2 years now.
Loki: yeah but that is 3 years less than everyone else
Stella: it wouldn't hurt them to pick up the phone. what are they so busy doing
Loki: pounding the keyboard
Loki: and laughing loudly at stupid jokes im sure.
Stella: It smells okay when you spray it on, but once it dries it still stinks. I tried to live like a vampire for awhile, but it wasn't working out for me so I had to use some in the winter time. Are you so excited that I said vampire? I bet you peed yourself.
Loki: if you thought something was so funny you were practically wiping tears away from your face while you were on the phone... wouldnt you share when you hung up? What could P.R. be laughing hysterically about over there?
Loki:I do get excited in my pants when you speak of vampires...
Loki: haha dont repeat that
Stella: Sorry i'm distracted because i'm busy answering phones and doing actual work. i can't keep up with this chat at the moment.
Stella: That's just nasty.
Loki: oh boy charlie is coming in
Stella: Charlie must be hungry. Or need to pee. It's the only reason he comes in here. Bless his heart.
Loki: or get a cup of coffee
Loki: sometimes he literally walks in...goes pee, grabs him a refill and is out
Loki: blah he has OCD... for real and it is not fun trying to explain things to him.
Stella: he writes like the unibomber.
Stella: What's a quarter million? 250 right
Loki: duh
Stella: i'm stupid today. my head can't focus. i was thinking 75.
Loki: its sounds more when you think of million. ..quarter= 25. college graduate
Loki: just more zeroes
Stella: my ears hurt
Loki: do you want me to rub them?
Stella: no you dont know how
Loki: just kidding- i am not offering.. only mom loves you that much
Stella: no one else knows how !!!
Stella: i will never be able to get married and move away
Loki: yea its really weird- you should probably get that checked out. Maybe you have a tumor hiding up there. Yes, because mom rubs your ears like you are a dog. and she also rubs your feet...which i suppose you can train a man to do one day
Stella: i think i need surgery
Loki: on what?
Loki: your head?
Stella: my ears
Stella: i probably do have a tumor. you would feel real bad
Loki: that makes no sense
Stella: on my ear canals
Stella: answer that phone!!

Loki: fine but i just snorted in the phone
Stella: next time let's see how long it can ring first before someone else picks it up
Stella: one time i refused to wash dishes until mold grew in them
Stella: then mom gave in and put them in the sink and then i needed them so i had to wash them.
Loki: yeah that one time...as in this past week...
Stella: hey, it was a good story
Loki: i told mom not to wash those
Loki: she isnt your maid
Stella: i wish we could talk about something other than our mother
Stella: arent we supposed to have other friends
Loki: supposed to maybe. but i only have one other friend... and she doesnt have time for me
Loki: I thought we were complaining about work
Stella: only one friend? What a loser. I have two. Because my one friend got married. And her husband gets automatically gets counted in as my friend.
Stella: Like the grandfather clause
Loki: how about i have nothing left to do today, Ive checked fb for the millionith time, read about all the celebrity gossip, caught up on my favorite twilight website, and checked my bank accoutn... what now?
Stella: I should start playing with this toy cha cha brought for bella and see if they say anything or tell me to stop. what's the latest Hollywood sleeze
Loki: Dumb Jersey shore drama... but how are they stars for real?
Stella: They are.
Loki: yeah the toy is loud-- do it.
Stella: They are good people.
Stella: .........and my friends...
Loki: the jersey shore kids?
Stella: yes
Stella: Snooks
Stella: J wow
Stella: pauly d

Loki: im friends with the grey's anatomy case... and the twilight kids for sure
Stella: blah. Stupid.
Loki: I dont like JWOWW
Stella: i was hoping the greys anatomy ppl all died last season
Stella: she's trashy and ... trashy. what's not to like!
Loki: Oh hush I lOVE me some grey's
Loki: I dont know. I like Sammi (prob because I feel sorry for her) and Snooki and the Situation are very funny.
Stella: let me whine about my life and try to be profound and not be satisfied with anything! who am i?
Loki: Meridith.
Stella: "are very funny?"
Loki: thats a real sentence
Loki: what?
Stella: "they're nice kids"
Stella: Who are you?
Loki: those youngins are a hoot
Stella: Please stop...
Stella: Sonic happy hour ends in 30 min........
Loki: what do you want me to say... "I love them there Guido kids from the jersey shore... GTL baby... Im down with SWS
Stella: sws?
Loki: oh its dtsws..down to snuggle with snooks
Stella: you didn't even get it right.
Loki: thanks for the update... i just had a 2nd cup of coffee... remember? and I still see a gigantic McD cup in front of you, No more caffeine for you.
Loki: why is betty white so popular now?
Loki: i dont get it?
Stella: you're gonna love this email i just sent you. it contains actual work.
Stella: Yeah, I dont either. She is capitalizing very well on her fame. I guess old ppl who act dirty are cool. But is she dirty? or funny? I don't know.
Loki: you are fully capable of running this quote... but fine i will do work
Stella: I'm glad no one comes in our office. If they did they would see this pen hanging out of my nose. bah haha
Loki: hahah the boss just surprised you by walking by! quick- close the I/M and appear to be working. hahah.
Stella: i did
Stella: i even took the pen out in time
Loki: shewww what a close one
Stella: whatever. i can see your bra strap
Loki: so what
Stella: it's all twisted
Stella: and NUDE
Loki: its a nursing bra.. its not pretty
Loki: you jerk
Loki: i cant fit into anything else...im lugging some bowling balls here
Stella: one time i put my head in and it fit in one cup
Loki: yeah I know I was there. again you are a jerk.
Stella: it was BEFORE the bra was purchased and worn by yours truly though
Stella: that makes it sound a little more sane
Loki: did you know on Sept 2nd (as in last thursday) it was 9.02.10
Loki: uhh sorta....
Stella: i dont get it
Loki: 90210--the show. DUH
Stella: I saw an article about a kid who was born on 8.9.10 at 11:12.
Stella: We weren't allowed to watch that show as children so i'm not interested.
Loki: thats weird
Loki : i know.. i was just going to say that.. but i watched the re-runs
Loki: just like the simpsons and roseanne
Stella: Just like how we couldn't watch Home Alone without mom lecturing us on how she'd spank us if we acted like that little boy.
Stella: it doesn't interest me. I hate early 90s clothing
Loki: its coming back in style soon im sure
Loki: i have 2 words for you---- body suits

What was your favorite 90's fashion item? Blossom hats? Neon colors? Scrunchies? Kelly Kapowski?

The Pedafamilias

Loki: Our father, Evs, is notorious for ignoring you when you ask him a question. Even if you ask him something directly, he will not answer you if he so chooses. This drives me INSANE. When Stella and I were growing up, we would have to sing and dance just so that our father would notice us and hopefully, give us an answer to whatever we were asking. (Usually it was just to ask if our cousin could stay the night…) But he would just look at us and not say a thing. “Well… yes or no?” …NOTHING. We would then resort to coming up with some jig about “Please say yes… say yes, yes, yes….” to perform for him in the hopes of him blessing our great idea with an answer. We would put on costumes and even choreograph dances to go along with it. I remember our mom always saying, “Just don’t bother him…” And then she would get on to him saying, “EVS! Just answer them!” I just wanted a yes or no so I could get on with my life! He seemed to enjoy torturing us. I don’t understand what we were being taught… patience? No, I am not going to attach a lesson to that… it was just annoying.

Stella: Yes, I am thinking that is was just a torture mechanism as well. He just wanted to see us sweat. It’s like holding up a treat in front of a dog and making them wait for it… and beg for it… and then not ever giving it to them. Haha! Stupid dog. Yes, I remember doing a whole performance on the swing set one time. I’m sure we had some great routines on the trampolines as well… Too bad my mother never told me that I wasn’t really good at doing cartwheels until I was 25. She lied to me for 25 years! And here I am thinking the whole time that I could do excellent round-offs and cartwheels just like the other girls. One time when I was older, (after my childhood memories were shattered to pieces and it was revealed to me that I was never a good gymnast,) I stood in front of Evs and asked a question… and then stepped over to the side as if he was the Soup Nazi while waiting for his answer. “Medium crab bisque…”

Loki: Hahahah! I thought you knew you couldn’t do a cartwheel!! Did you not understand why you never received a perfect 10 during our gymnastic routine competitions? Or how you could never land straight on the balance beam?! Don’t blame Mom… Of course she told you you were wonderful! She is your mom! She has to. It’s sorta like grandpa always telling us how we should all sing in an “all-cousin choir” when I’m pretty sure none of us could sing. Surely at least dad told you about your bad cartwheel form? No? I guess he didn’t care so much about our dancing jigs or our balance beam/floor routines. But I’m sure he corrected your swing.

Stella: What are you talking about? Grandpa is brutally honest. One time he told me it looked like I got in a fight with a cat (when I had a few zits on my forehead during my pre-pubescent years.) Mom is the one who is the big fat biased liar. Don’t trust her opinion ever. And I don’t remember being invited into this cousins choir, but surely I would have been considering that I have the best voice out of the family by far. Aw, did that hurt your feelings? Guess you’ve never had to listen to yourself sing En Vogue at the top of your lungs in your bedroom like I did growing up. And don’t start telling me about what a grand athlete you were. Grandpa also says that I could have been better than you guys at every sport if I was so inclined. It was just that I didn’t want to do it so by sitting out, I made you look good.

Loki: Oh hush. You have some serious competition issues with me. Why must one be better? I never said that I was a good singer or that you weren’t. Just because you sing louder than everyone doesn't mean it's better. Of course I was more athletic than you…duh. I wasn’t going to say anything about that! Although I did hear Grandpa just this weekend talk about how you quit sports too early… He blames mom don’t you know because she didn’t “push” you hard enough. Whatever. It just wasn’t your thing. No big thing. Yes, mom is definitely biased! What are we talking about now… mom, dad, grandpa or your singing abilities?

How many fingers am I holding up?