Friday, September 24, 2010

Milk Spill on Aisle 4

Loki: So I know we have talked about my breast milk far too much in this blog already, but it just has to be discussed at least once more! Sparky just walked in our office & broadcast to the whole office that I should “scrub out the dried breast milk from the sink!” I looked at him like he had two heads! This is the point that Stella erupted into a fit of giggles at her desk that continued for the next 10 minutes. I asked him what he is talking about, as I did not dump breast milk down the kitchen sink! For one thing, I don’t waste breast milk…We ALL know how valuable that is to me!

Stella: He was so frank about it,and it was such an absurd thing to say to all of us that I couldn’t stop. I just pictured Loki sneaking into the kitchen and looking around to make sure no one was watching… and then lifting up her shirt to squirt milk into the sink like it was a target or something and then running back to her desk laughing like a child. Haha. Take that! But Sparky just barges in here like he is a woman and can talk openly about things with us, which is what makes Loki so mad. Sorry...

Loki: I cannot tell you how many times I have been in this office that someone has tried to barge in on me while I am pumping. I frequently get re-routed from my spot in the basement (when they have meetings down there) and I have to go find an empty room to pump in. I was upstairs in a room that is vacant 99.9% of the time, but apparently someone needed to use the room for another meeting at that exact moment. Thankfully, I had locked the door! I had to stop and situate myself and then relocate to the bathroom floor! I don’t mind breastfeeding at all. It is the pumping that is driving me insane. It would be a lot easier on me and my marriage if I just fed her formula.
Stella: I would have never pumped. It’s just degrading. There is nothing more repulsive or unattractive than being hooked up to a pump which is extracting milk from your body like a cow. It would probably help your marriage if you never let your husband watch you engage in such a humiliating thing. UGH. The horror! The horror! I will leave it to someone else to encourage you that a man should love you no matter what.

Loki: I went out of town to a wedding this past weekend and I was stuck there like 8 hours before it started so I had to pump a few times while waiting. I was in a room by myself with a hooter hider on (you know, the same thing as a blanket but someone was smart enough to put arm holes on one and made a fortune off of it! It is basically like a snuggy for your boobs.) Anyway, so I am hidden beneath it, but you can hear the machine going off and on so people kept looking at me all confused. Mind you, that no one thought to leave the room after they knew what I was doing. I acted like I didn’t care because there is nothing I could do about it. One girl asked if I had my baby down there (because I guess a baby sounds like a machine?) Another asked me how long I had to do that for. and another asked if I ever fell asleep doing that... Apparently the machine sounds soothing?!! No, I do not get sleepy while my boobs are being tugged on in order to extract milk from them. Amateurs. I also hate it when little kids… you know age 2 or so are around because they don’t know what I am doing. They always want a closer look…and I don’t know what I am supposed to say to 2 year olds. I just try to ignore that they are staring at me. I hope I can put up with this for another 3 and half months. Sheesh
Stella: Try like 6 more months. I fed Bella for 15 months because I'm a great mom like that. She's always been as healthy as a horse & exceptionally brillant. I credit my nursing skills and wonderful genetics for this. But 15 months. I don't know if I could do that again with another child. I like to do math on weird things like this. If Nana Bess nursed all 4 children for that long she would have been nursing for 60 months which is 5 years my friends! (But I know she didn't nurse Loki that long because I was already in the womb sucking all her nutrients out.) Don’t get frightened, Saucy, my dear. It is the sacrifice of motherhood. I’m hoping to repair my sacrifice the next time I have five grand laying around. Speaking of which, I was propositioned this week to make a boob cake for Choc Chip's work for "Boss Day & Breast Cancer Awareness." I said, "What? Like an actual replica or like a chest with a cute bra on?"

Loki: I'm assuming it is an erotica type of cake. Although that would seem inappropriate for the workplace. (Except maybe not for our work where apparently we are open about such things.) Especially if you have to make nipples. That might be a little uncomfortable for you unless you like making pervy cakes...

Stella: No kidding. Would you like to be my nipple model? Bahaha. Don't answer that. Another weird thing to google: "Boob cake.." I actually found a picture of a one year old baby & the mother had made a boob cake for him. It was very, very strange. And yes, it was an actual replica. And someone had even commented "this is cute!" Yikes.

There's no use crying over spilled perfume.... err- milk.. Thoughts???


  1. Okay, lets just clear this boob cake thing up. A girl in my building had breast cancer and she is on next months luncheon committee. Next month is also breast cancer awareness month. So, they are going to decorate all pink ribbons and such. So, since it is also the day we will celebrate boss's day, they thought it would be funny to make a boob cake. Not a nakey one, just one with pink clothing over them and maybe a little cleavage. But, the whole idea has been scratched because some might get offended. It wasn't meant to be a nasty thing. So, I guess you dont have to worry about it Stella, although I know you were looking forward to it

  2. oh my.. I laughed all the way through this blog! Sooo funny!!!! :)
    I loved nursing and it was a great blessing to nurse all 4 of my beloved children! Good for YOU, Loki.. keep it up.. what a wonderful mom you are! I am so proud of your efforts and hard work for my precious grandbaby blue!!! :). And Stella too.. she had the worst time with nursing at first...Bella wouldn't lach on properly... breast infections... oh, the pain she went through for almost 3 months before it got better. I am also SOOO proud of her as well! :) (job well done, Nana Bess!)

  3. Choc Chip- I heard it wasn't going to be allowed.. But I still thought it was funny to discuss with Loki. Who is a perv.

    Bess- Try 6 months.

  4. It is all worth it! We can still remember all the gas station or other parking lots we had to stop at to nurse on our travels to the city. And then there is the b-ball gym women's bathrooms where older women would gush and be "so proud of me." It is tricky to nurse discreetly at times.. but you figure it out. And pumping is a good thing, as it gives the Mom more freedom to leave her baby. Yes, you feel like a cow, but it's only for a season. I nursed my 1st two babies 11 months and 2nd, 12 months and last 13 months. Go Loki go! You can endure such weird situations as your boss talking out loud about breast milk. Weird.

  5. Breast Infections? Trouble laching? Pain? Exposing myself to the world? Explaining myself to two year olds?? Saggy boobs?? is it absolutely necessary that i breast feed?

  6. YES! You must! You must! You'll get the saggy boobs even if you don't breast feed. Sorry. Well, Maybe not. There's always hope. :)

  7. Im going to get a boob lift when i get rich! So i guess that part doesn't really matter so much. But all the other stuff? ugh..... CAN'T. WAIT.

  8. Well, ok I have to comment. Felt so sorry for Loki (and Stella with such difficulty with Bella) but I wasn't too successful with my first and it only lasted 4 months and switched to a bottle with milk from the fridge. They probably don't do that anymore. 2nd child I lasted 3 months..and 3rd only 2 months and had to mess with formula ..ugh. Smelled terrible too. After we moved heard about LaLeche League and got lots of encouragment so 4th child was much longer..9 months till I gained nearly all the weight I was when giving birth so quit (taking diet pills for 3 weeks) and last baby maybe lasted 9 months, all a memory now with 4 older siblings to care for. I never would have pumped and am amazed any mother can do was hard enough to hide in some bathroom for however long it took..I used to think 40 minutes but was told babies get all they need 20 min then just like to 'suck' which is why mothers give them pacifiers. Wear a bra, and always and your boobs won't get so saggy...and once litte one is here you'll understand all this stuff much better!

  9. I nursed my youngest, Choo Choo, for 15 mos. I didn't know how to wean him, he was in love w/ it!! Then was going on a ladies retreat and knew I needed to wean him so I simply told him, "all gone!" We were in my bed, so he put his feet against my back and tried to push me off the bed. Then, he never asked to nurse again! It was SO easy. Who knew?? Nana Bess and Choc Chip...remember when Bull Rider stoped nursing suddenly at 6 mos? Then a few weeks later, I missed it so much I tried re-lactating? LOL...... Oh, those were the days!